{"id":1034,"date":"2012-10-01T08:59:21","date_gmt":"2012-10-01T12:59:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.summerofjim.com\/?p=1034"},"modified":"2012-10-03T09:18:02","modified_gmt":"2012-10-03T13:18:02","slug":"a-man-of-letters-an-invisible-rabbit","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/?p=1034","title":{"rendered":"A Man of Letters & An Invisible Rabbit"},"content":{"rendered":"

I call it a \u201cmail box surprise\u201d!\u00a0 Amongst a few bills and some irritating political adverts<\/em>, a letter.\u00a0 A real letter! A good friend chooses to communicate with me not<\/em> by phone, not<\/em> by email, or texting\u2026 but in the \u201cold fashioned way\u201d, with pen, paper and stamp.\u00a0 I include the contents of this missive in its entirety.<\/p>\n

But before\u2026 a few more prefacing remarks.<\/p>\n

My friend and I go back a ways. To say that we are cut from the same cloth is an understatement.\u00a0 We love telling stories and jokes.\u00a0 Long<\/em> stories and long<\/em> jokes. The longer and more involved the better.\u00a0 We discovered years ago that our manner of thinking entailed side tracks and digressions (many), an occasional loss of train of thought (too many Tanqueray Martinis) and a casual disregard for whether anyone else cared.\u00a0 In writing we pay little attention to grammar, preferring to write in phrases and fragments joined together by ellipses and some dashes. Parenthesis\u2019s are employed to indicate an embellishing detail, or an amusing detour.<\/p>\n

Further, we have a similar sense of humor: that rare combination of 8th<\/sup> Grade funny, locker room vulgar, post-collegiate smart-ass & a touch of Jewish angst.\u00a0 Maybe that\u2019s why we get along so well.\u00a0 How can I argue with someone who has proclaimed that the greatest advancement in the 20th<\/sup> Century was the creation of the mango pitter.\u00a0<\/p>\n

After years of conducting our correspondence we haven\u2019t decided which is worse, the writing of the letter (which can take forever) or the reading of it.\u00a0 I mean\u2026 what happens if the strategic reserves of gin run out in the interim?<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

To you, who is living proof that Montezuma\u2019s Revenge is real:<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t think you know the Gordon\u2019s.\u00a0 They have a home in Greenwich, a place in Guilford on the water, a pied \u00e0 terre<\/em> near Columbus Circle and a ski lodge in Stowe.\u00a0 He majored in downhill skiing at Dartmouth, grateful that his Grandfather invented the clothespin, or something just as stupid.\u00a0 His wife is a partner in Milbank,Tweed and thinks that Genghis Khan was a liberal.<\/p>\n

We met them several years ago because their Daughter Michelle and our Sydney were on the Sharks Swim Team.\u00a0 And then we got included in their For-Adults-Halloween Celebration.\u00a0 The invitations for the party get sent out just after the school year starts.\u00a0 This is done both as a courtesy and, as I was soon to learn, to provide enough time to make, or acquire, suitable costumes.\u00a0 Hard to believe that I got into this?\u00a0 Well\u2026 I did.<\/p>\n

The first year we went as Dorothy and the Scarecrow.\u00a0 Margie was perfect\u2026 the blue gingham pettifore over a short sleeved white blouse with puffy shoulders, the ankle socks and ruby shoes.\u00a0 Pig tails with blue ribbons, too.\u00a0 And I was a credible Scarecrow.\u00a0 That goofy hat, olive burlap shirt, baggy canvas pants and lots and lots<\/em>, of straw (that straw gave me a horrible body rash and a case of rectal itch that lasted for days).<\/p>\n

We got an Honorable Mention in the costume judging.\u00a0 The Gordon\u2019s took first prize as Gomez and Morticia Addams.\u00a0 And they did look very good (did I mention that Mitchell Gordon is head of QC for White Castle\u2019s Frozen Hamburger Division).\u00a0 We apparently lost points for not having Toto as part of our costume.\u00a0 Go figure.<\/p>\n

But this only strengthened our resolve to take first prize the following year.\u00a0 I wanted to go as Rameses and Nefretiri.\u00a0 But Margie said I would have to shave my chest, and besides, my pec\u2019s weren\u2019t good enough (can you imagine?).\u00a0 We settled on Little Red Riding Hood and the Wolf.\u00a0 Margie was splendid again, and was earning a reputation for looking very good as a pre-teen.\u00a0 My Wolf costume cost a bundle, made me sweat like a stuck pig (wolf-pigs? See how that works?) and by the end of the evening no one could come within of five feet of me without the aroma causing their knees to buckle.\u00a0 We got another Honorable Mention.\u00a0 The Gordon\u2019s as Juan and Eva Per\u00f3n took first prize. Did I mention that Desir\u00e9e Gordon was a scratch golfer?<\/p>\n

The next year I vetoed Alicein Wonderland and the Mad Hatter.\u00a0 I told Margie that she was contributing to some of the male guests\u2019 sexual fantasies for bopping<\/em> under-age girls! I also declined to switch roles.\u00a0 We decided to change things up. I went as a Carrot and Margie went as Belgian Endive.\u00a0 Another Honorable Mention, although I had to endure several mildly insulting remarks about the size of my \u201ccarrot\u201d.\u00a0\u00a0 I thought that we deserved at least a Second or Third Place.\u00a0 I think I must have polished off 20 White Castle Hamburgers during the course of the night.<\/p>\n

The following year we went as Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum.\u00a0 There were three other Tweedle Dee and Dum\u2019s there!\u00a0 We didn\u2019t finish \u201cin the money\u201d, we didn\u2019t get an Honorable Mention\u2026 we weren\u2019t even the best<\/em> Tweedle Dee and Dum. \u00a0The Gordon\u2019s took First (again!) as Alice in Wonderland and the Mad Hatter!\u00a0 Margie didn\u2019t talk to me for a week.<\/p>\n

The tide turned after Thanksgiving.\u00a0 That\u2019s when Margie applied herself to the task of promoting us to the \u201cwinner\u2019s circle\u201d.\u00a0 Quiet at first.\u00a0 Just books and brochures accumulating on the kitchen island.\u00a0 Then came the fateful day when she announced that we were going to win<\/strong> the next costume judging with Henry VIII and Ann Boleyn!\u00a0 I could see no reason to object.\u00a0 Besides it would give me reasons to say stuff like \u201canon\u201d and \u201cforsooth\u201d for an evening.\u00a0 As in, \u201cForsooth, me thinks I will have another White Castle Hamburger, anon\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Little did I understand Margie\u2019s full commitment to winning this thing.\u00a0 In February she signed up to audit a course in Costume Design given at NYU\u2019s Tisch School.\u00a0 And at course\u2019s end, she decided to put her knowledge to practical use by volunteering to help the wardrobe mistress at the Delacourt Theater.\u00a0 She cut, sewed and mended the costumes used for the summer Shakespeare productions in Central Park.\u00a0 And of course she began making our costumes.\u00a0 Our house filled with silks, brocades, fine linens and all manner of things.\u00a0 I was fitted out with silk hose, a doublet, one of those weird coats with those oversized square shoulders, a dagger (useful for spearing burgers), a fake beard and that funny flat hat they wore back then (I actually think the hat is great, and I still wear it when I take Charlie out for his walk).\u00a0 Margie\u2019s costume was beyond belief\u2026 chemise, silk hose, petticoat, farthingale, corset, bumroll, parlet, kirtle and gown.\u00a0 It took her an hour to get dressed!\u00a0 For sure, she looked every part the Queen!<\/p>\n

It would have been a tragedy if we did not win.\u00a0 But win we did! The Gordon\u2019s finished with an honorable mention for Douglas MacArthur and Chiang Kai-shek (Desir\u00e9e as the General).\u00a0 First place prize was a Faberg\u00e9 looking egg made of milk chocolate.\u00a0 I am sure that it cost a small fortune. A week later, Sydney and her girl friends ate the egg during a \u201csleep-over.\u201d\u00a0 Margie had to be sedated.<\/p>\n

For Margie, more than losing the egg, that victory just took the starch out of the sails for future endeavors\u2026 the energy spent on Henry and Ann extracted too high a toll.\u00a0 Come August, not even a peep about what we would wear this year.\u00a0 And when the invitation arrived just after Labor Day, it remained unopened on the kitchen island.<\/p>\n

When I asked her about it last week, she just shook her head \u201cno\u201d.\u00a0 Not only was she uninterested in making or renting a costume\u2026 she didn\u2019t even want to go to the party!\u00a0 I reminded her about the White Castle Hamburgers and that it was my one time in the year when I looked forward to indulging in the \u201cgarnish\u201d sized burgers (do you know that Refrigerator Perry one time ate 136 White Castles in 25 minutes\u2026 what took him so long?).\u00a0 I could understand not wanting to spend on costumes. I knew that between Henry VIII, Ann Boleyn, the Carrot and Belgian Endive we had blown our costume budget for a decade. I suggested that we could just go in some innocuous attire\u2026\u00a0 I thought that it would be easy for me; I could part my hair down the middle, wear a brown suit, walk around with a cigar and tell folks that I was H.L. Mencken, \u201cDistinguished Man of American Letters\u201d (he, who declared that the Martini was the only American invention as perfect as the English sonnet!).<\/p>\n

She agreed that Mencken was easy to pull off, and that with the Martini quote, it was a great connection to me.\u00a0 And<\/em>, with the White Castle Hamburgers not withstanding, she was still firm in her decision to miss this year\u2019s festivities.<\/p>\n

On Saturday night she caught me sulking during my Martini Hour, and she finally relented.\u00a0 She would go as \u201cHarvey\u201d, the invisible rabbit<\/em> that Jimmy Stewart envisioned in the movie!<\/p>\n

After my second Martini, I agreed that it was a superb idea (but part of this may have been the Martini\u2019s!). I will show up at the Gordon\u2019s door as Mencken while Margie is at home darning socks or putting up bread & butter pickles\u2026 and when Desir\u00e9e asks me where is Margie, I will say, \u201cWhy Desir\u00e9e,\u201d pointing to my vacant side, \u201cDon\u2019t you recognize Harvey, the invisible<\/em> \u2018pooka\u2019 rabbit?\u00a0 Now, kindly direct us to the room containing the treasure trove of burgers that your generous husband has so graciously supplied\u2026 Come along dear, er\u2026 Harvey<\/em>!<\/em>\u00a0 Desir\u00e9e, we<\/em> will speak to you anon.\u201d<\/p>\n

Call me Meyer<\/em>; but I think that we are going to win!\u00a0 Creativity untethered!<\/p>\n

Sorry dear friend; but I don\u2019t have the strength to inquire about you and yours.\u00a0 But you have to understand my strain.\u00a0 \u00a0And now that I think about it\u2026 maybe you do <\/em>know the Gordon\u2019s!<\/p>\n

In full sincerity, and wishing you all the best, I remain now & forevermore,<\/p>\n

H.L. Mencken or Elwood P. Dowd (the choice is yours)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I call it a \u201cmail box surprise\u201d!\u00a0 Amongst a few bills and some irritating political adverts, a letter.\u00a0 A real letter! A good friend chooses to communicate with me not by phone, not by email, or texting\u2026 but in the … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1034","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-stories-brief-tales"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1034","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1034"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1034\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1039,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1034\/revisions\/1039"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1034"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1034"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1034"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}