Calpurnia:<\/p>\n
I\u2019m off to Pompey\u2019s Theatre and then to the Senate.\u00a0 Much to do before I take the army to crush the Parthian Empire.\u00a0 Meantime, before I leave I have to bring the Senators to heel.\u00a0 And before I crack the whip<\/i>, I need something festive to distract them.<\/p>\n
I have sent invitations to Longinus, Brutus, Casca, Cimber and a few other Senators to a casual soir\u00e9e at our place tonight.\u00a0 Be a dear & organize the evening for me.<\/p>\n
The menu \u2013<\/p>\n
For starters\u2026 ten dozen oysters, a wheel of Jarlsberg cheese, a couple boxes of saltines and maybe a hundred or so \u201cpigs in the blanket.\u201d<\/p>\n
Then on to\u2026 three saddles of venison, twelve guinea fowl, twenty quail, a brace of pheasant (make that five<\/i> braces of pheasant and a coach), enough partridge eggs to fill a bath, four wild boar, one tame boar (you don\u2019t want to know), a crashing boor (that\u2019s a joke), a dozen joints of mutton, three kid goats bathed in milk, the things that look like small lobsters \u2013 crayfish! We need two hundred.\u00a0 Make that three<\/i> hundred \u2013 Brutus loves crayfish!\u00a0 Twenty oxtails for braising (Calpurnia, tell the butcher that I want the rest of the oxen cut up for our freezer into whole filets, medallions, bone-in rib eyes, shoulder roasts, briskets, flanks, top rounds, porterhouse, New York strip, London broil, skirt and ground top sirloin.\u00a0 And save the belly skins \u2013 send the hides to my sandal maker.\u00a0 I want ten pair above the calf, fifteen pair to the ankle, two pairs of flip-flops & a brief case.\u00a0 If there is anything left make yourself some pocket books).\u00a0 Oh \u2013 don\u2019t forget the sauce for the crayfish \u2013 not too spicy! (it gives me gas)\u2026 Maybe some parker house rolls?\u00a0 You decide.\u00a0 And then two veggies and a starch.\u00a0 If you can\u2019t find a starch ground rhino horn will do.\u00a0 Biscotti and espresso for dessert.<\/p>\n
Seven cases of La T\u00e2che Vintage 60 BCE\u2026 if you can\u2019t find that, 58 BCE will do (but I won\u2019t be happy).<\/p>\n
For entertainment \u2013<\/p>\n
We will need twenty courtesans of the first rank (use the \u201cWink and I\u2019m There\u201d Agency), fifteen prostitutes from \u201cDockside Paradise and Bait House\u201d, the Roman Legion 100 Lute Orchestra, that comic that we saw when we went to the mountains for our vacation (I forget his name) and the Punch and Judy Puppet Troop.<\/p>\n
That should do it!<\/p>\n
Oh \u2013 I almost forgot!\u00a0 Take my Imperial toga to the cleaners and tell those idiots that they better get the wine and vomit stains out of it this time or they will be food for the lions!<\/p>\n
Thanks!<\/p>\n
xoxoxo Julius<\/p>\n
p.s. And don\u2019t forget! No<\/span> calamari! Ever!!\u00a0They give me a rash, and besides they look and taste like rubber bands!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Calpurnia: I\u2019m off to Pompey\u2019s Theatre and then to the Senate.\u00a0 Much to do before I take the army to crush the Parthian Empire.\u00a0 Meantime, before I leave I have to bring the Senators to heel.\u00a0 And before I crack … Continue reading