{"id":110101,"date":"2020-03-15T10:22:02","date_gmt":"2020-03-15T14:22:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/?p=110101"},"modified":"2020-03-15T10:23:40","modified_gmt":"2020-03-15T14:23:40","slug":"trouble-in-caesars-household","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/?p=110101","title":{"rendered":"Trouble in Caesar’s Household"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Ides of March, 44 B.C.E.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Caesar:  Calpurnia! Oh, Calpurrrrrrr-neeee-yah! [from the background, \u201cyes, what is it?] Calpurnia where did you put the spare rolls of toilet paper? I have to \u201cgo\u201d and there\u2019s no toilet paper here!  Only two small sheets! [from the background, \u201cit will have to do, dear\u2026\u201d]  It will have to do dear?  It will have to do dear!! I\u2019m the Emperor!  What good is it being the Emperor, Emperor for life I might add, if there is no toilet paper in the house! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Calpurnia enters the bathroom<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Calpurnia:  It\u2019ll have to do.  Here, use this.  Some rags from one of your old togas.  I couldn\u2019t get the wine stains out.  Then you can head over to the Senate.  There is a small kiosk over there that sells \u201ctoilet sundries\u201d.  Brutus said there is a toilet paper sale today!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Caesar:  Sale?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Calpurnia: Yes, sale.\u00a0 Buy 2, get one free. And it’s double green stamps today!

Caesar:\u00a0 Is it the kind I like? Soft, plush & absorbent?\u00a0 I don\u2019t want the extra-strength scratchy kind!

Calpurnia:\u00a0 Yes, yes, yes\u2026 Brutus said it\u2019s the kind you like.\u00a0 You better hurry and get over there before they sell out!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Caesar:  OK.  Brutus wouldn\u2019t betray me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“tsk, tsk,tsk they only had the extra-strength scratchy kind”<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ides of March, 44 B.C.E. Caesar:  Calpurnia! Oh, Calpurrrrrrr-neeee-yah! [from the background, \u201cyes, what is it?] Calpurnia where did you put the spare rolls of toilet paper? I have to \u201cgo\u201d and there\u2019s no toilet paper here!  Only two small … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-110101","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-ministry-of-jokes"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/110101","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=110101"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/110101\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":110104,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/110101\/revisions\/110104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=110101"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=110101"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=110101"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}