{"id":111071,"date":"2023-01-04T10:00:04","date_gmt":"2023-01-04T15:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/?p=111071"},"modified":"2023-01-04T10:00:04","modified_gmt":"2023-01-04T15:00:04","slug":"rice-pudding-with-golden-spoons","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/?p=111071","title":{"rendered":"Rice Pudding with Golden Spoons"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

My Uncle Saul died in September of 1982. He had just celebrated his 70th<\/sup> Birthday three days before, and he was laid to rest in a small Woodbury cemetery near the home that Saul and Aunt Meggie had owned on Carthage Rd.  When Meggie retired from teaching a few years before, the house was sold and they moved permanently to their summer place in Chatham. Permanently?  Hold that thought, I will return to it a bit later.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The day of his burial was the type of mid-September day you dream about.  Sunny, the sky blue, the trees beginning to turn\u2026 and if anything, maybe the mid-day sun a tad too warm. Meggie and Saul loved the sun, and she had said on that sad day of farewell that it was impossible not<\/em> to smile on such a sunny day. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

After Saul\u2019s death Meggie rarely had occasion to return to Woodbury.  Or maybe she stayed away because she wanted one less reminder of the vacancy in her life.  If she did go back\u2026 perhaps at an invitation of an old Woodbury friend, she tried to have the visit coincide with Saul\u2019s birthday.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In one of the many conversations we shared over the years when I went to visit her on the Cape, we enjoyed a bottle of Sancerre on one sunny spring day, and I can remember Meggie saying: \u201cpeople think cemeteries are for dead people\u2026 but they are not.  Cemeteries are for the living<\/em>.  It is a place for us<\/em>. A place to focus on continuing the connection<\/em> we feel to people we love, and will always<\/em> love.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

She looked up from her glass and continued, \u201cJimmy\u2026 I know that you don\u2019t have to visit the cemetery to have that sense of connection, any more than you have to visit the Grand Canyon to know of its beauty.  But seeing<\/em> it \u2013 the Canyon\u2019s mental image comes to life, or visiting the grave side and placing a small stone in memory, can enhance our sense of connection.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And yes, I could clearly picture Meggie visiting Saul\u2019s place of rest, and placing a small stone on the footstone of Saul\u2019s gravesite, as is the custom among Jews, and being caressed by that sense of connection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In 2002 Meggie called me and asked if I would drive her up to Woodbury for a visit.  She said it was Saul\u2019s Birthday and she was feeling a powerful tug in her heart.  I agreed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we reached Woodbury she asked me to pull into LaBonne\u2019s IGA before heading over to the cemetery\u2026 \u201cI want to pick up a couple of things \u2013 I won\u2019t be but a minute.\u201d  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Small bag in hand, we proceeded on to Saul.  On the drive she felt the air coming in thru the window, then glanced skyward and said, \u201cOne of my favorite books is Styron\u2019s Sophie\u2019s Choice\u2026 <\/em>and in it there is a line that I just love.\u201d {I knew this, she had shared this with me once before}<\/em>\u2026 \u201cNathan has just given Sophie a sip of 1934 Ch\u00e2teau Margaux\u2026 and she says to him: \u2018Mmm. You know, when you… when you live a good life… like a saint… and then you die, that must be what they make you to drink in paradise.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I parked the car near the cemetery\u2019s pebbled walkway, we each made a selection of a small stone and zig-zagged thru the silent footstones & headstones the 20 yards to Saul\u2019s permanent address.  <\/em>Meggie placed her stone on Saul\u2019s footstone, looked skyward again, remained motionless for several moments, eyes welled\u2026 she sighed, and looked at me and smiled, \u201cYou know Jimmy, before we were married Saul and I lived in Paris \u2013 this was before World War II.  I was studying dance and Saul was playing the clarinet anywhere he could. {I knew all this}<\/em>  Oh, the stories.  The people we met.  We were young, we were poor and we were in love & we were in Paris!  And one night I can remember telling him that I was so happy that this had to be heaven!  And he just laughed and laughed and told me that I was mistaken!  In heaven you eat rice pudding with golden spoons.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I placed my stone next to Meggie\u2019s and looked up to her.  The warmth of the recollection glowed on her face. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

She touched the footstone and then the headstone, felt the carved letters cut into its face, \u201cWell, Saul\u2026 sorry to say no Margaux \u201934\u2026 but I have something even better.\u201d  And with this Meggie took out 3 cups of rice pudding from the brown bag, she handed me one, placed one down for Saulon the densely carpeted green grass before his stone; and she kept one for herself.  Then she opened her pocket book and took out three small golden spoons and passed one to me, kept one and placed one next to Saul\u2019s cup.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 \u201cHappy Birthday Saul! I love you always!\u201d She smiled at me, \u201cIt\u2019s a sunny day Jimmy! Dig in!\u201d And then she threw me a precious wink, \u201cAnd you may have to help Saul finish his cup of pudding\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Postscript — <\/strong>I wrote this piece in September 2015.  It never made it into the Ash Creek Papers: Summer of Jim<\/em> site.  It just got lost. And now it’s found.<\/em> The inspiration for this piece came from Betsy Moss Driebeek, someone who I have known for decades.  She had posted a family photo on FB showing her family gathered about a grave site (I think this is right).  It was their tradition to honor a memory of a twin child, Gregory, that she had lost a mere week after his birth.   One twin, Julian, has survived (and is doing quite well).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The family tradition (Betsy, husband Jim, Julian and younger brother Kyle) to honor Gregory\u2019s memory continues to this day, 24+years later.  And part of this tradition is bringing golden spoons<\/em>, and other symbolic connections to graveside.  Betsy’s Jim shared a belief he inherited from his grandmother\u2026 in heaven, people have a grand time eating rice pudding with golden spoons.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It was a profoundly touching sentiment for me. I loved the image. I wrote the piece.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

jrw: 01\/03\/23<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My Uncle Saul died in September of 1982. He had just celebrated his 70th Birthday three days before, and he was laid to rest in a small Woodbury cemetery near the home that Saul and Aunt Meggie had owned on Carthage Rd.  … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[17],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-111071","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-meggie-saul"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/111071","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=111071"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/111071\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":111072,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/111071\/revisions\/111072"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=111071"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=111071"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=111071"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}