{"id":111487,"date":"2025-03-13T05:02:19","date_gmt":"2025-03-13T09:02:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/?p=111487"},"modified":"2025-05-29T10:08:14","modified_gmt":"2025-05-29T14:08:14","slug":"caesars-nightmare","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/?p=111487","title":{"rendered":"Caesar’s Nightmare"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Near Midnight, 14 March 44 B.C.E.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

CAESAR: ARRRRRAUGH!! AAAARRAAUGHHHH!! Brutus!! AAAAAAAACKKK!!

CALPURNIA: Julius!  Julius\u2026 get up, get up!  Wake up Julius! You\u2019re having a dream!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CAESAR: Dream? No, a shit show nightmare!!  I can\u2019t believe it, I can\u2019t believe it! Oh sweet Jupiter what terrifying visions plague my night.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CALPURNIA: Julius calm yourself\u2026 you\u2019re in our bedroom.  No harm will come to you\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CAESAR: Oh, Calpurnia only if you had been there.  You have no idea the wretched sequence of events that gripped my mind and drove a dagger into my soul!  At first there was nothing to suggest an unhappy interlude.  It was a Tuesday afternoon when Brutus and I play chess.  And Brutus opens with the Queen\u2019s gambit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I stare at him. I grit my teeth and spit out \u201cWhat the hell do you think you\u2019re doing?\u201dHe just smirks.  Smirks for Apollo\u2019s sake!  \u201cI told you never to use that opening with me!\u201d  I scream at him, \u201cNEVER!  Do you hear me? Never!!\u201d  In a rage I drop my wine goblet, knock over the board, the chess pieces scatter everywhere and I step in dog shit!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CALPURNIA:  Don\u2019t tell me you\u2019re going ballistic over a silly board game! That\u2019s the dagger to your soul?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CAESAR: First, it\u2019s not silly board game! It\u2019s chess for Minerva\u2019s sake!  And then it gets even worse!  On Friday\u2019s after an hour or two in the baths it was time for our regular bridge game with Longinus and Cimber.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Brutus opens the bidding with 1 spade.\u00a0 Longinus follows with 2 spades, showing that he has a void in spades.\u00a0 I bid 2 no-trump.\u00a0 Cimber passes.\u00a0 Brutus goes 3 clubs.\u00a0 Longinus passes. I follow with 4 clubs, which tells him I\u2019m short in clubs. Cimber passes. Brutus then bids 4 no-trump, using the Blackwood Convention\u2026 he is asking if I have the missing Ace. Longinius passes.\u00a0 I respond 5 spades, indicating I do have the Ace. Cimber passes.\u00a0 And then\u2026 and then Brutus takes us to \u201cslam\u201d and bids 7 spades!\u00a0 7 spades, yet!\u00a0 Longinus leads with the King of Clubs. Brutus was going to have to run a first round finesse, and he aint\u2019 that smart or lucky!\u00a0 I was furious!\u00a0 I get up from the table to go over and choke him, but trip when I step on the hem of my toga and fall into the table with the oil lamp and two trays of pastries.\u00a0 The lamp sets the linen tablecloth ablaze and burns the baklava to a crisp.\u00a0 And it wasn\u2019t long before the entire west wing of the gymnasium was consumed in flames!\u00a0 And I\u2019m thinking \u201choly mother of pearl! I\u2019m going to have to pay for this!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CALPURNIA: Was that the dagger to the soul part?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CAESAR: Not funny Calpurnia! There\u2019s more! We were all younger then.  This was before I went to subdue Gaul.  And there was this gala reception at the Coliseum.  All of Rome was there.  Senators, hundreds of courtesans, important citizens, unimportant citizens, charioteers, more courtesans\u2026 even slaves.  Everyone was there!  And mid-way thru it was time for the \u201cgirls ask dance<\/em>.\u201d  It was going to be a Lindy or Charleston and you came over to me all excited and said, \u201cI believe this is our dance!\u201d And Brutus catches sight of this, and obviously crushed by your choice, his face turns beet red.  It looks like he is going to have a stroke!!  He tears across the dance floor waving a good sized cutlass and screams, \u201cI\u2019m going to kill you\u201d!!  Brutus, No! ARRRRRAUGH!! AAAARRAAUGHHHH!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CALPURNIA: No dagger?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CAESAR:  That\u2019s just great.  My best friend is going to kill me and you\u2019re making jokes!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CALPURNIA: Calm down Julius, it was just a dream.  Look, your nightshirt is all wet from sweating.  Go put on a fresh shirt and you will feel better.  I\u2019ll make you some warm milk to help you get back to sleep.  You\u2019ll feel better in the morning and you can go over to the Forum,  grab a cup of coffee and a prune Danish with Brutus and have a few laughs about your dream.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Near Midnight, 14 March 44 B.C.E. CAESAR: ARRRRRAUGH!! AAAARRAAUGHHHH!! Brutus!! AAAAAAAACKKK!! CALPURNIA: Julius!  Julius\u2026 get up, get up!  Wake up Julius! You\u2019re having a dream! CAESAR: Dream? No, a shit show nightmare!!  I can\u2019t believe it, I can\u2019t believe it! … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-111487","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-stories-brief-tales"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/111487","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=111487"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/111487\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":111504,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/111487\/revisions\/111504"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=111487"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=111487"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=111487"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}