<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It begins Monday morning. Sometime between midnight and 2:00am. I am up to pee, or think, I\u2019m going to pee, and in this interlude to sleep I begin to plot my strategy for \u201cBagel Wednesday\u201d. Bagel Wednesday? I\u2019ll get to that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Let us return briefly to Monday 1:09am: I won\u2019t do lox and cream cheese on an open-faced bagel. Ever! It\u2019s so \u201cLong Island\u201d! Has to be a sandwich. Maybe with capers and a slice of red onion added? Capers? Capers have to be a British thing\u2026 non-rhotic speakers who drop their \u201cR\u2019s\u201d\u2026 like they do in Long Island. Capers are ok, And so is a slice of ripe tomato. AND, once I acquire the bagels, we have all the fixings!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n For many Jews the tradition is to have bagels on Sunday. In fact at one time it was a tradition that I participated in\u2026 bagels along with the Sunday New York Times<\/em>. For the goyim <\/em>(Yiddish for anyone else) bagels are a workweek regular. Something quick to eat on the go (forget the protein shake people who are just a bunch of smarty-pants-in-your-face health weirdos). Years ago Sandy and I moved bagels to Wednesday because our Sunday mornings are given over to breakfast out at a favorite eatery and then on to grocery shopping for the week. And besides, bagels are not a restaurant thing. Bagels, like good Chinese food, are for \u201cin-home\u201d consumption.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Monday 2:16am: Although I like a good \u201ceverything\u201d bagel, I think I\u2019m going to get a plain bagel this time. Plain & not to be toasted. When I cut a bagel open and if it doesn\u2019t have the proper fresh feel, then I will have to toast it. And I don\u2019t like a toasted bagel with lox , cream cheese &c. If it\u2019s not fresh enough, what is my fall-back? A bacon, egg and cheese is a good option for a toasted bagel. But then I have to switch to an everything bagel. Yes, a toasted \u201ceverything\u201d bagel is really THE call for a bacon, egg and cheese. Sandy thinks that a bacon, egg and cheese on a bagel is a cultural travesty.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n When I was a kid we didn\u2019t have an \u201ceverything\u201d bagel. The selection was: plain, egg, raisin, pumpernickel, and then, onion, sesame seed, salt, poppy seed and garlic. The latter five have been combined and morphed into the modern <\/em>\u201ceverything\u201d bagel. A contemporary invention I do enjoy. I\u2019d like to think that there is someone out there with a hyphenated name like Pennington-Smythe, who would go to the counter and ask, \u201cI would like an \u2018everything\u2019 bagel, but without the poppy seeds and garlic. Can you do that?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Monday 3;49am: Nuts!<\/em> I\u2019m just not interested in the extra prep for a bacon-egg and cheese. I knew this was going to be a problem. I wonder if Dostoyevsky fretted over what type of bagel to eat? What are we to believe when he writes: \u201cI am a sick man. I am a spiteful man. I am an unattractive man.\u201d <\/em> This guy could use a good psychiatrist! Or, a bagel! OR, a psychiatrist WITH a bagel! Wait! I could do a toasted bagel with peanut butter. OR, even better, peanut butter on a toasted raisin cinnamon bagel! And peanut butter is almost healthy, right? But what happens if the bagel is really fresh? Am I prepared to lose that freshness to the toaster? Besides, peanut butter edges too close to what a protein shake weirdo might consume!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n The history of the bagel is clouded in the fog of time and legend. Most commonly it traces back to 17th<\/sup> century Krak\u00f3w, although evidence exists that date it back even further. And some suggest that the pretzel from Germany, brought to Poland, was the inspiration. Regardless of the ultimate origin, by the mid-17th<\/sup> century the bagel was a bread staple in Polish Jewish communities. Simply put: wheat dough was shaped by hand into a ring, briefly boiled in water, and then baked. The result is a dense, chewy, doughy interior with a browned and sometimes crisp exterior. The name derives from the Yiddish word beygal <\/em>(\u05d1\u05f2\u05d2\u05dc<\/em>) from the German dialect word beugel<\/em>, meaning “ring” or “bracelet”. Meaning, when Mr. or Mrs. Pennington-Smythe orders a bagel from Dunkin Donuts they are unwittingly speaking Yiddish. From Poland the bagel made its way to America in the mid-19th<\/sup> century, brought to our shores by Polish immigrants who settled in New York\u2019s Lower East Side.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Tuesday 2:08am: I wish LaBonne\u2019s still offered French Toast bagels. It\u2019s a great cold weather option. Toast the bagel, butter it and then put a drizzle of maple syrup on it! In a pinch I could do that with a raisin bagel, too. But it\u2019s almost June! Seasonally it\u2019s all wrong! Oh, mortal souls! King Henry V before the battle of Agincourt! \u201cFollow your spirit, and upon this charge Cry, God for Harry, England, Saint George and a pumpernickel bagel with cream cheese & chive!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Tuesday: 5:00am: I have to get up and drive over to Newtown for my swim and I am still conflicted. \u201cOh, I am fortune\u2019s fool!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Not all bagels are created equal. Just as not all pizza is created equal \u2013 and remembering that I am from New Haven, AND that has caused some enthusiastic debate (some would say, harsh words) with Sandy, loyal daughter of Brooklyn, as to whether New York pizza surpasses New Haven apizza in quality \u2013 I will happily concede that New York bagels reign supreme. They just do. That being said, we have a local bakery in Waterbury, Ami\u2019s, that produces a wonderful bagel of prodigious size and faithful to the cooking process; and thankfully the bagels are delivered fresh daily to LaBonne\u2019s here in Woodbury. As far as bagels from institutional places like Dunkins, they should be avoided at all costs as we do pizza with ham and pineapple. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Wednesday 12:17am: OK,<\/em> maybe if I get out of bed at 4:00am I can go and pre-cook bacon before going for my swim. That way, the nuisance part of a bacon, egg and cheese will be done before heading out for a swim. And if I swim 2500yds instead of 1000yds it will give LaBonne\u2019s the extra time to get hard rolls out because I\u2019m thinking a toasted hard roll is the way to go. <\/em> And I\u2019m thinking<\/em> the<\/em> hell with a bagel! <\/em> A bacon, egg & cheese on a hard roll is about as American as a breakfast of fried eggs, bacon, ham, baked beans, black pudding, grilled tomatoes, bangers & potatoes. Never mind, that\u2019s an English thing \u2013 but honestly? Who wants to think about a bagel when there is an English breakfast in your mind? <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Wednesday 4:45am: LaBonne\u2019s opens at 7:00. OK. An \u201ceverything\u201d. Regardless of freshness, going in the toaster. Toasted well, then open faced with a slice of American cheese, slice of tomato with a sprinkle of oregano. <\/em>Resolved. <\/em>And what about next week?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" It begins Monday morning. Sometime between midnight and 2:00am. I am up to pee, or think, I\u2019m going to pee, and in this interlude to sleep I begin to plot my strategy for \u201cBagel Wednesday\u201d. Bagel Wednesday? I\u2019ll get to … Continue reading