{"id":1200,"date":"2015-03-15T17:06:20","date_gmt":"2015-03-15T21:06:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.summerofjim.com\/?p=1200"},"modified":"2016-04-04T10:16:21","modified_gmt":"2016-04-04T14:16:21","slug":"a-business-partnership-gone-bad","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/?p=1200","title":{"rendered":"A Business Partnership in Antiquity Gone Bad"},"content":{"rendered":"

Before crossing the Rubicon River in 44BCE, Julius Caesar took time to time to write to his ally and colleague, Brutus\u2026<\/i><\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Brutus,<\/p>\n

I am ready to make my return to Rome.\u00a0 I am bringing a Legion, and knowing that it is a violation to Roman Law and authority, I am prepared to bring battle to my opponents.\u00a0The blood of my enemies will flow like a river. I will win. I will rejoice in their agony.\u00a0 I will put dung beetles on their rotting corpses!\u00a0 On the lighter side, in my baggage train are 20,000 cases of wine from Gaul (it\u2019s good to be Caesar!).\u00a0 I have Sancerre from the Loire, crisp Rieslings from Alsace, all the Grand Cru Burgundies, excellent Hermitage and C\u00f4te-R\u00f4tie, I took all of the Ch. Cheval Blanc that I could get my hands on and some delightful sipping Ros\u00e9s from Provence. Oh, and some cheddar cheese from Britain.<\/p>\n

Once I have defeated that weasel Pompey and all the Senators that support him, I want you to arrange a triumph<\/i><\/em>.\u00a0 I want floats, bands, caged beasts and prostitutes.\u00a0 After a week of frivolity, we are going to open the J. & B. Wine Emporium\u2026 Julius and Brutus! \u00a0<\/i><\/b><\/em><\/strong>I have purchased a perfect location on the Appian Way (plenty of parking for chariots and ox carts!).\u00a0 I have even thought of our slogan\u2026 \u201cWines for the Nobility at Citizens\u2019 Prices!\u201d\u00a0 You and I will be rich and I can pay off my substantial debts.<\/p>\n

And so Brutus\u2026 how\u2019s by you?<\/p>\n

Julie<\/p>\n

The response from Brutus\u2026<\/i><\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Julie,<\/p>\n

I am looking forward to your return.\u00a0 Pompey is actively plotting against you.\u00a0 But you will win Julie\u2026 Ev’ry guy here’d love to be you Julie, even when taking your lumps. There’s no man in town as admired as you, you’re ev’ryone’s favorite guy. Ev’ryone’s awed and inspired by you, and it’s not very hard to see why. No one’s slick as Julie, no one’s quick as Julie, no one’s neck’s as incredibly thick as Julie’s. For there’s no man in town half as manly. Perfect, a pure paragon! You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley and they’ll tell you whose team they prefer to be on!<\/p>\n

I\u2019ll begin planning the triumph.\u00a0 I\u2019m thinking your float can have vine cuttings from Gaul and a miniature villa.\u00a0 You will be riding on a donkey in front of it dressed like Bacchus with a fake beard, surrounded by an entourage of nymphs, fawns and centaurs! As for the Emporium\u2026 the slogan works! But I\u2019m thinking that B. & J. Wine Emporium has a better sound\u2026 Brutus & Julius.<\/p>\n

Brutus<\/p>\n

\"Youth<\/a><\/p>\n

A memo from Julius Caesar to Brutus dated Prid. Id. Mart. {March 14th<\/sup> 44BCE}<\/i><\/em><\/p>\n

From the Desk of Caesar<\/p>\n

Prid. Id. Mart.<\/p>\n

Brutus:<\/p>\n

I want to run an \u201cIdes of March Sale\u201d tomorrow. Move all the cases of the 47BCE Bordeaux to the front of the shop and mark them down 50%.\u00a0 They\u2019re past good drinking and we might as well convert those cases into cash.\u00a0 Put the Port\u2019s and Madeira\u2019s into the remainder bins, down 35%.\u00a0 But send a case of Rainwater Madeira to Lucius Cimber.\u00a0 Charge that dirt bag full price.\u00a0 Create a mixed display of Whites — Albari\u00f1o\u2019s, Pinot Blanc\u2019s and Gr\u00fcner Veltliner\u2019s and make a large sign \u201cSpecial Sale, Flavorful Weekend Whites Now 20% Off Suggested Retail Prices!\u201d\u00a0 And then a smaller sign underneath \u201cWhile Supplies Last!\u201d\u00a0We got to begin pushing white wines.\u00a0 Set up a wine tasting table for Riesling, Gew\u00fcrztraminer and Torrontes.\u00a0 Put the sandwich board sign next to the table \u201cAdd some tasty spice to your Holiday Table — Today Only 25% Off!!\u201d\u00a0Something else\u2026 I just cut a huge deal with one of our distributors who is going out of business (actually I had him murdered\u2026 it\u2019s good to be Caesar!)<\/i><\/em> — Clear some space near the fire exit in the back, we have 200 cases of Ch\u00e2teauneuf du Pape and 20 cases of Krug Champagne coming in.\u00a0 Oh, and also three wheels of Jarlsberg cheese.\u00a0 Have two sent up to my Villa, and the third over to that goniff Gaius Casca with my complements.\u00a0 I will meet with these nuisance Senators tomorrow.\u00a0 Please plan an orgy for the evening.\u00a0 What Senator doesn\u2019t love a good orgy!<\/p>\n

See you tomorrow!<\/p>\n

Julie<\/p>\n

The Ides of March, Brutus overheard muttering as he left the Theatre of Pompey, \u201cB. & J. Wine Emporium has a much better sound\u2026\u201d<\/i><\/em><\/p>\n

\"assassination<\/a><\/p>\n

n.b. <\/b><\/strong>The line \u201cAnd so Brutus\u2026 how\u2019s by you\u201d in its orignal Latin appears as Et tu, Brute<\/i><\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Before crossing the Rubicon River in 44BCE, Julius Caesar took time to time to write to his ally and colleague, Brutus\u2026 Dear Brutus, I am ready to make my return to Rome.\u00a0 I am bringing a Legion, and knowing that … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1200","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-ministry-of-jokes"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1200","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1200"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1200\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1213,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1200\/revisions\/1213"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1200"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1200"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1200"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}