{"id":264,"date":"2007-04-09T07:59:26","date_gmt":"2007-04-09T11:59:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.summerofjim.com\/2007\/04\/09\/i-have-been-advised\/"},"modified":"2007-04-09T07:59:26","modified_gmt":"2007-04-09T11:59:26","slug":"i-have-been-advised","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/?p=264","title":{"rendered":"I have been advised…"},"content":{"rendered":"

How do you know if you have them?\u00a0 And even if you have them, you have to rely on others to give you an idea as to their quality.\u00a0 And the folks who do the reporting always seem to have an agenda<\/em>… some sort of complaint that probably colours their appreciation of a good snore<\/em>.\u00a0 <\/p>\n

You may think it is easy to get a good snore.\u00a0 I am here to tell you that a good snore is not easy to come by.\u00a0 You have to know where to look for them.\u00a0 Growing up in New Haven, we had access to a wonderful produce market on Whalley Avenue: Margie’s<\/em>.\u00a0\u00a0 It is the only market I know of, that a person\u00a0wasn’t allowed to\u00a0pick out\u00a0their own fruits and vegetables.\u00a0 Margie would take each patron thru their needs selecting the proper\u00a0plum or ear of corn that she <\/em>thought was worthy.\u00a0 End of story.\u00a0 When Mommie Soph or my Mom would go there, I would have to remain close at heel lest I get to close to the produce display… and maybe touch <\/em>something.<\/p>\n

Mom would pay close attention to what looked good… and sometimes Margie would point to a basket over by the root vegetables… perhaps she had just received in some fresh snores… <\/em>and Mom couldn’t resist… she would pick up a dozen or so for my Dad.\u00a0 Then on Sundays Dad would always take a couple with him to enjoy on the couch while trying to watch some golf or an inning or two of a baseball ball game.\u00a0 My Dad was also a notorious kitchen raider<\/em>… and late at night when he would hit the fridge for a snack… he would always grab a handful of snores <\/em>to take back up to bed.<\/p>\n

Sadly… Margie’s market is no more.\u00a0 Sure there are a few mail-order places that feature snores… usually the same places that sell rhino horn powder and dried snail slime.\u00a0 There are some “pre-packaged” frozen snores that you can get at Costco… but they have had chemicals added\u00a0as a preservative.\u00a0 Some “specialty markets” get small amounts of imported snores<\/em>; but they are priced to “Mars” and are usually weak and lack character.<\/p>\n

I have had to make do.\u00a0 But… more than one person has advised me that I do “just fine” with what I have been able to secure.\u00a0 A few “engines at idle”, a couple of “hums of a spring day”, several “blast-offs”, a “flupper riffle” here and there, and even an occasional “ripper with a drool” (if <\/em>I can find them).<\/p>\n

But I don’t like leaving these things to chance.\u00a0 You know… why go running around at the last minute looking for something to\u00a0add necessary commentary to\u00a0a dream.\u00a0 And where would we be without our dreams?\u00a0\u00a0Those extraordianry flights to the impossible and the disjointed?\u00a0 Opportunities to visit again with folks who have moved to the other side of the river… <\/em>Dreams are<\/em> important and so are the accompanying snoring punctuation marks.\u00a0 You see… I know this, even if you don’t.\u00a0 Forgive me for sounding braggy<\/em>; but I think my <\/em><\/strong>snores <\/em>are great.\u00a0 <\/p>\n

On the other hand.\u00a0 Some folks are lacking in the snoring arts.<\/em>\u00a0 Their snores fall short\u00a0in the grace and elegance department… unlike those of us who were lucky enough\u00a0to\u00a0acquire “Margie quality” snores in their youth.\u00a0 It’s true… you can’t get good snores in Brooklyn, ‘ferinstance.\u00a0 *tsk, tsk*.\u00a0 Brooklyn snores have volume… and little else.\u00a0 Sorry.<\/p>\n

Sandy and I have gone over this at considerable length.\u00a0 And we have agreed to no longer leave this up to chance.\u00a0 We have\u00a0just pulled up the soy beans we planted last year (I\u00a0can’t stand tofu and can’t understand why I let Sandy talk me into\u00a0it in the first place)\u00a0and we have\u00a0just put in a small grove of snore <\/em>trees.\u00a0The trees are cuttings from the famous Darbing Forest in Srilanka and take very well to a variety of soil types.\u00a0 We have also purchased 60 acres in the Litchfield\u00a0Hills that offer key\u00a0southern exposure for the <\/em>limousin<\/em> <\/em>clones\u00a0that we will plant for the winter crop.\u00a0 This will give us year ’round access to snores and will make us independent of market availablity.<\/p>\n

We are also planning on building a great house <\/em>there so that we can offer gracious entertainments on the grounds of our plantation… and folks will be able to purchase snores… then stroll thru the groves, find a cozy hammock, a chaise lounge or just put out a blanket on the lawn\u00a0and sample fresh, native, natural\u00a0snores.\u00a0 <\/em>Nothing finer!<\/p>\n

Fair warning… I have also been advised that I tend to be a bit greedy <\/em>when it comes to snores.\u00a0 I like to hoard them and not share… well they are <\/em>so <\/em><\/strong>satisfying.\u00a0 <\/em>So… the next time you drop by, and if I am so engaged… I suggest that you take what you can get.\u00a0 Don’t worry… I’ll understand.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

How do you know if you have them?\u00a0 And even if you have them, you have to rely on others to give you an idea as to their quality.\u00a0 And the folks who do the reporting always seem to have … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-264","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-ministry-of-jokes"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/264","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=264"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/264\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=264"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=264"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=264"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}