I have this re-occurring dream.\u00a0 While not a full fledged nightmare, it\u2019s something upsetting, and on more than one occasion it has brought me out of my sleep.\u00a0 Although the specifics are never the same, the dreams always involve feeling unprepared for some type of academic test or class presentation. <\/p>\n
The anxiety I feel is nearly unbearable.\u00a0 Invariably I am of my present age; but some how find myself back at Union College (or some place at university level) or sometimes back\u00a0at Hamden Hall (or some other secondary school), confronted with a room full of students who probably knew why they were there, even if I didn\u2019t know why I was there.\u00a0 <\/p>\n
Also in common in these dreams, is my sense that I could bluff, or luck my way thru whatever the assignment or test involved\u2026 even though I knew that I was woefully lacking in preparation.<\/p>\n
There are certain twists to these \u201cschool boy\u201d excursions\u2026 like forgetting my mail box combination at Union, or not remembering football plays at Hamden Hall.\u00a0 I can assure you that these latter failings were not a problem at the time<\/em>\u2026 although of being unprepared for academic assignments\u2026 I can say it happened.\u00a0 All too frequently.<\/p>\n Maybe these quasi-nightmares are a payback?\u00a0 That\u2019s it.<\/p>\n I am paying my debt back for drawing a bowling pin on my exam for Mr. Osborn\u2019s Geometry final.\u00a0 What did that have to do with Geometry?\u00a0 Absolutely nothing!\u00a0 Still I got a solid \u201cB\u201d for the course (actually I think it was an \u201cA\u201d; but pride won\u2019t allow me to admit to that).<\/p>\n As bad as these dis-jointed visitations to my past are, the actual memories are just as bad\u2026 maybe more so.\u00a0 Particularly at Hamden Hall.<\/p>\n Major exams were twice a year.\u00a0 January and June.\u00a0 Canvas covered Taylor Gymnasium\u2019s floor, where the whole of the Upper School took its exams, desks were placed far enough apart to make cheating from your neighbor impossible without the use of hand signals.\u00a0 There was a sense of drama\u2026 unusual quiet for that many students\u2026 several teachers monitoring their classes\u2026 several classes taking their exams at the same time.<\/p>\n I hated it.<\/p>\n Our work was done in those ubiquitous \u201cblue books.\u201d\u00a0 I hated those blue books<\/em>… so innocent on the outside, so barren on the inside… so devoid of any character or sense of imagination.\u00a0 The bowling pin I drew for Mr. Osborn may have been the best thing that was put in a blue book.<\/p>\n But nothing at Hamden Hall would prepare me for the worst blue book<\/em> experience of my life.\u00a0 It happened at Union… Erik Hansen’s 20th Century European History class (which he began with the Franco-Prussian War in 1870<\/em>).\u00a0 Our Final Exam (1\/3 of the course grade) was one question: “Trace Movements of the Left or<\/u><\/em> <\/em>Right in Europe in the Twentieth Century.”\u00a0 We were given unlimited <\/em>time on the exam… and unlimited<\/em> number of blue books.\u00a0 My two papers for the course were “A” and “B”; but I caught a “hook” for the Final.<\/p>\n It was one of three times that I can remember ever complaining about a grade.\u00a0 Once with Miss Stewart in 11th Grade English, once with Arnie Bittelman (the converted butcher) in Graphics Art my Sophomore year at Union… and with Erik Hansen.<\/p>\n To me there was a serious injustice.\u00a0 “Professor Hansen, we have just spent the Semester on this topic… I have read nearly 5,000 pages of subject material written by some of the best historians of our time {not\u00a0to mention\u00a0what I read for my papers<\/em>}… how could I<\/em> possibly cover it in an exam, regardless of the time you allowed or the number of blue books you provided?”<\/p>\n To which he replied, “James, the test was in your ability to take the material and distill it into its essence.”<\/p>\n Q.E.D.\u00a0 Maybe that’s why I am haunted by these damn dreams?\u00a0 I am not particularly good at “distilling.”\u00a0 I enjoy too much the leisurely stroll thru the woods… happy to be distracted by… by?\u00a0 By nearly anything.\u00a0 <\/em>And in word written, or spoken, I am prone to ramble.<\/em><\/p>\n I don’t think I will ever be good at blue book<\/em> stuff.\u00a0 I just wish the hell my mind wouldn’t keep\u00a0bringing it to my attention\u00a0all the time… I am declaring my dreams off limits for blue book issues (let’s see if that works).<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I have this re-occurring dream.\u00a0 While not a full fledged nightmare, it\u2019s something upsetting, and on more than one occasion it has brought me out of my sleep.\u00a0 Although the specifics are never the same, the dreams always involve feeling … Continue reading