The border between the United States and Canada is commonly referred to as the world\u2019s longest undefended border.\u00a0 The border between the United states and Mexico is a third as long and is not only regularly patrolled; but there are plans afoot to build a fence to eliminate (maybe reduce is a better word) illegal immigration. <\/p>\n
Some would consider the flood of illegal immigrants as a menace <\/em>to our country\u2026 and a drain on our resources.\u00a0 On this I would agree.\u00a0 But rather than look south, I think we should turn 180 degrees and direct our attention to the north\u2026 to Canada. <\/p>\n Our concern should not be Mexican farmers who can add to the work force and contribute to our society, rather it should be to the most hideous of creatures: the Canada Goose. <\/p>\n You leave the border undefended<\/em> and look what happens.\u00a0 You get invaded<\/em> by\u2026 well, by\u2026 things<\/em> that treat every piece of land as their toilet. <\/p>\n There are those that think that Canada Geese are charming<\/em>.\u00a0 They look beautiful and stately.\u00a0 They\u2019re cooperative<\/em>\u2026 look at whole bunch of them as they are working their way thru the lawn\u2026 eating to their heart\u2019s content; but one goose remains on guard, head errect,\u00a0surveying the scene\u2026 looking this way and that while his buddies dine<\/em>\u2026 then after a brief time on \u201cduty\u201d, the sentinel dips his\/her head to grab a meal and another raises its head to assume guard duty responsibility.\u00a0 See what I mean? Co-operation.<\/em> <\/p>\n Terrific.\u00a0 Pretty birds.\u00a0 But they crap everywhere.\u00a0 Not just on our windshields like other birds.\u00a0 No.\u00a0 But where we walk.\u00a0\u00a0On our beaches, on our golf courses\u2026 on our property<\/em>!\u00a0 And to make matters worse, their nicely formed turds are a shade of green that blend them to the shade of your grass\u2026 so that you may not realize on a beautiful summer’s day that you have just walked into the \u201couthouse\u201d \u2018til you feel the turd squishing up between your toes! <\/p>\n Or<\/strong>, you take a gander at your ball placement\u2026 a mere 20 feet from the pin on the 2nd<\/sup> \u00a0green; but nestled next to a nefarious deep olive green turd left by some Canada Goose who thought that the sand trap was its litter box.<\/em> <\/p>\n Menace!\u00a0 That\u2019s what they are.\u00a0\u00a0Subverting our way of life. <\/p>\n What to do?\u00a0 Well, I think a good place to start is to follow the lead of the Greenwich Town Committee on Health, Beauty & the Environment. They have generated a series of creative responses to the Canadian Geese Menace.<\/em> <\/p>\n The Hot Foot<\/u><\/em><\/strong>\u00a0 Geese thrive in cool, damp environments.\u00a0 Using an underground wire grid\u00a0installed by the “Geese Be-Gone Co.”\u00a0that converts your lawn into a “hot plate” when\u00a0a surge of heat is transmitted with a flick of a switch raising the ground tempeture to an uncomfortable 185 degrees within 45 seconds…\u00a0Also good for keeping pesky teenagers off your land. <\/p>\n Shame, Shame,<\/u><\/em><\/strong> Shame<\/strong><\/u><\/em>\u00a0From the Disney Technologies a lifesized animotronic <\/em>of a grandmother, hair pulled back into a tight bun, \u00a0in a rocking chair with a Sharps Buffalo rifle across her lap and repeats in a craggy voice, “You should be ashamed of yourself!!”\u00a0“Now gawan git!”\u00a0“I ain’t kidding! Take that bathroom behavior elsewhere before I put a bullet up your fanny!”\u00a0 There is also a grandfather version, unshaven with a jug of moonshine on his lap and a Portuguese Water Spaniel wagging its tail at his feet, “By God if you take a shit within hunnert yard of me I’ll chase you down and crush your head with this here jug!”\u00a0 During winter months you can bring grandfather or grandmother in the home, add them to your dinning room.\u00a0 Great for keeping order during dinner. <\/p>\n Take a Hint<\/u><\/em><\/strong> From Martha Stewart Enterprises a\u00a0five eighths scale of a Christmas Celebration table.\u00a0 Includes a table for twelve, twelve chairs, complete setting for table service and matching stemware impecably set on fine Irish linen.\u00a0 Platters of side dishes, vegetables,\u00a0potatoes, Parker House rolls, condiments and an larger empty<\/u><\/em> platter at the head of the table with a card in plain sight: “This could be for you!”\u00a0 Place this highly detailed mock up<\/em> on your lawn with the accompanying decorated Christmas Tree, and no goose would dare set foot on your lawn! <\/p>\n Concern for God’s Creatures<\/u><\/em><\/strong> A program for diapering geese has been used for years in Carmel, CA.\u00a0 Mothers of the Earth has developed a lightweight absorbant diaper that fits comfortably on most geese.\u00a0 Sturdy, yet light enough so that wearing the diaper will not hinder flight (unless the bird is suffering from diarhea), Meg Tobachnik has been using them for near a decade.\u00a0 She reports, “they train quite well.\u00a0 In the morning after their\u00a0swim in the pond\u00a0they walk up to my porch… I slip them on, and they are off an scampering about in no time.\u00a0 When they’re done eating I wait for an hour, and they go an change them.\u00a0 And then I change them again just before the sun goes down.” <\/p>\n Bonjour!<\/u><\/em><\/strong> The Beaupre Language Institute\u00a0specializes in French and near-French… “good enough to fool your friends and neighbors.”\u00a0 The idea is to speak enough French to\u00a0trick the Canadian Geese\u00a0into thinking that they are still in Canada and have to travel further to the South. <\/p>\n Yes!\u00a0 I think we are equipped to handle the menace!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The border between the United States and Canada is commonly referred to as the world\u2019s longest undefended border.\u00a0 The border between the United states and Mexico is a third as long and is not only regularly patrolled; but there are … Continue reading