Well, here it is… the Summer Solstice, the longest day of the year… and I’m pissed!\u00a0 School is barely out, the summer is just kicking off, the All Star game hasn’t even been played yet and the days are going to begin to shorten.\u00a0 This stinks! <\/p>\n
Perhaps you think I grouse and complain all the time… and I do admit that I let certain things get under my finger nails<\/em>… like scrambled eggs of improper consistency, or the traffic light at the junction of Route 25 and Route 59… the person who timed that light should be drawn, quartered and roasted on a spit.<\/p>\n But on the whole, I’m an easy going fellow.<\/p>\n However,\u00a0this pre-mature shortening of the day is a bit un-nerving.\u00a0 You will be glad to hear that I have been working on a solution.<\/p>\n We already tinker with the nature of the day with Daylight Savings Time<\/em>.\u00a0 My idea is just to expand on this formula for “extending our daylight.”<\/p>\n Beginning tonight at midnight we will move our clocks ahead 1 minute.\u00a0 And we will do this every night for the next 60 days.\u00a0 1 minute ahead each night.\u00a0 That way we will diminish the effect of the days being shortened… we will be able to enjoy our later sunsets, more time to cookout or grab an extra swim.<\/p>\n And then when we get to October and move our clocks back to Standard Time<\/em>, we move our clocks back two hours!!\u00a0 Two hours to party hardy… and to grab extra winks!\u00a0Woo hoo!<\/p>\n I know what you’re thinking!\u00a0 “I get up early in the morning… I like to drive to work and see the rising sun.”\u00a0 So do I!\u00a0 A beautiful sunrise is a re-birth.<\/p>\n We could\u00a0instead move the clocks back <\/em>1 minute tonight… and for the next 60 days do the same thing… we can extend our earlier rising sun thru the summer.\u00a0 And when it comes to October, and all the newspapers put those little graphics on page one with a clock as a reminder to move the clock back, we can say “fuck it!\u00a0 I don’t have to do anything… let everyone else run around like a nudnik fretting about what to do with an hour!”\u00a0 And when those talking dummies on the News Shows remind us to move the clocks back, we can say\u00a0“HAH! I don’t have to\u00a0pay attention\u00a0to this crap” and we can turn off the TV and grab a beer.<\/p>\n You can see there are two choices to this shortening of the day dilemma.\u00a0 We can opt for earlier mornings, or later afternoons… either is preferable to doing nothing<\/em>.\u00a0 This is a matter that should be left for each State to decide.\u00a0 Each State\u00a0can hold a referendum to decide whether to be a “Sunrise State” or a “Sunset State” and then it will be settled.<\/p>\n Then we’ll make one of those maps that colours the States red and blue the way we did when Bush beat Gore… and everyone will know which State observes Sunrise or Sunset,\u00a0 See?\u00a0 Easy.<\/p>\n Remember, it’s not just a matter of complaining.\u00a0 We have to be responsible\u00a0for coming up with solutions!<\/p>\n Now that we have that sticky little problem resolved, I can turn my attention to\u00a0the next project… each State issuing its own currency.\u00a0 I can see it now — Connecticut can have a $1 with Jim Calhoun on it… and instead of keying the value to gold or the strength of the economy, we can value it to UCONN victories in basketball… Kentucky could value their currency to Bourbon.\u00a0 You get the idea.<\/p>\n Stay tuned.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Well, here it is… the Summer Solstice, the longest day of the year… and I’m pissed!\u00a0 School is barely out, the summer is just kicking off, the All Star game hasn’t even been played yet and the days are going … Continue reading