{"id":312,"date":"2008-02-18T10:16:11","date_gmt":"2008-02-18T14:16:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.summerofjim.com\/2008\/02\/18\/aunt-meggie-had-a-conniption\/"},"modified":"2009-03-13T10:22:23","modified_gmt":"2009-03-13T14:22:23","slug":"aunt-meggie-had-a-conniption","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/?p=312","title":{"rendered":"Aunt Meggie had a Conniption"},"content":{"rendered":"

I wasn’t sure what he meant.\u00a0 Then Uncle Saul explained<\/em> it:<\/p>\n

“You see, Jimmy… it begins here.”<\/p>\n

Uncle Saul pointed to the place between the eyes and just above the bridge\u00a0of his nose.<\/p>\n

“Here.\u00a0 First the eyebrows get squinched in.\u00a0 See?\u00a0 Like this.\u00a0 And then these vertical lines form here.\u00a0 See?\u00a0 These are called the ‘lines of conniption’<\/em>.\u00a0 It all starts here.\u00a0 You know something is going to burst.\u00a0 It drifts down to the nostrils.\u00a0 See?\u00a0 See how my nostrils\u00a0move in and out?\u00a0 That’s what Allosaurs did before gouging flesh from an Apatosaur.”<\/p>\n

My eyes widened.\u00a0 The nostril part gave me chills.<\/p>\n

“Then the head gets gripped in firm, small emphatic shakes before the arm and hand gets lifted first to the sky.\u00a0 A definite gesture to summon the force and authority of the Heavens, and then dramatically<\/em> the hand is thrust down in the opposite direction, to the nether world…”<\/em><\/p>\n

I didn’t like the sound of this.<\/p>\n

“Then the\u00a0arm is leveled in your direction.\u00a0 Finger pointed.\u00a0 And repeatedly shot forward, stabbing<\/em> the air.<\/em>“<\/p>\n

With each of Saul’s “stabs” I recoiled.\u00a0 A few of his stabs were accompanied by some foot stomps which caught me by surprise.\u00a0 He hadn’t prepared me for the foot stomps.<\/p>\n

“We are nearing the supreme <\/em>moment.\u00a0 Everything up to this is a mere ‘warm-up.’\u00a0 First, she’ll tidy her hair, and then reach for a big book, like a copy of Michener’s Hawaii <\/em>and bring it crashing down on to the table or the\u00a0kitchen counter…”<\/p>\n

The crash sounded like a\u00a0rifle shot.\u00a0 I shook.<\/p>\n

“And if she didn’t have a Michener volume handy, she would chuck a teacup into the wall.\u00a0 But only if the cup already had a chip in it.”<\/p>\n

I had heard enough.\u00a0 I now had a good idea what Aunt Meggie’s conniption fit<\/em>\u00a0would have been\u00a0all about.\u00a0 Something that, Uncle Saul advised me, would happen if I sat in Aunt Meggie’s Queen Anne chair in the formal “sitting room.”\u00a0 I thanked my lucky stars that I rarely stepped foot into the sitting room<\/em>.\u00a0 I was more than happy to stick around the den and it’s adjacent hallways, closets and window seats.\u00a0 <\/p>\n

I had never seen a conniption <\/em>before… Meggie’s or anyone else’s for that matter.\u00a0 Saul’s vivid portrayal unnerved me.\u00a0 Meggie and a conniption?\u00a0 It seemed improbable.\u00a0 Anyone who can make oatmeal raisin cookies like Aunt Meggie could… anyone who could give me a huge hug and a kiss after Nicky Ross, the Elkhound from next door, bit me… having a conniption fit?\u00a0 I couldn’t see it.\u00a0 Not that I was interested in bringing one on.\u00a0 You couldn’t pay me to get within a yard of that Queen Anne’s chair.<\/p>\n

But you can understand my overall concern.\u00a0 “Uncle Saul… is there anything else that would make Aunt Meggie have a conniption?”<\/p>\n

“Herschel peeing on the drapes.”<\/p>\n

Herschel was their Mini Schnauzer.\u00a0 Our entire family had dogs.\u00a0 And when Saul and Meggie hosted a family cook-out in July, we all brought our dogs for an afternoon of food, drink and outdoor entertainment.\u00a0 The dogs loved it as much as the two-legged family members.\u00a0 They were free to explore the large open area in the back of the house and the adjacent wooded fringe.\u00a0 The dogs had a blast, they knew they were part of the family.\u00a0 All, except for Herschel.\u00a0 Herschel remained indoors\u00a0confined to\u00a0his grooming crate.\u00a0 Herschel didn’t get along well with\u00a0his “cousins.”\u00a0 Uncle Saul explained to me that\u00a0Herschel wasn’t fond of Jews… or Jewish <\/em>dogs.<\/p>\n

I had to remind Uncle Saul, “But you’re Jewish…”<\/p>\n

“Ssshhh!!! Ixnay!!!”\u00a0 He looked around and then summoned me to him.\u00a0 He whispered, “He <\/em>doesn’t know it!”<\/p>\n

Yeah, Herschel could be a bit of a “pill”.\u00a0 Hard to believe that any one dog could bark that much.\u00a0 And he threw everything into his barks.\u00a0 His front feet would lift off the ground, his ears would snap back, and he would take a hop backwards like a\u00a0howitzer after a discharge.\u00a0 He tolerated\u00a0 me because I always gave him some of my oatmeal raisin cookies.\u00a0\u00a0And on rainy days we would play in-door hide and seek, a game he seemed to enjoy.\u00a0 I would stash a couple of oatmeal raisin cookies and go running off to hide.\u00a0 Invariably I would find refuge in the window seat on the landing between the first and second floor… One time I fell asleep in there for 20 minutes or so… my Mother and Meggie panicked when they couldn’t find me… but they finally figured it out when then saw Herschel curled up beside my hiding place.<\/p>\n

I never did see Meggie have a conniption.\u00a0 But when I got to the 7th Grade, our English Teacher Mr. Hirata got real pissed when Ken Wynne yawned in class.\u00a0 In a blink Mr. Hirata winged a piece of chalk at Kennie; but he hit Marla Mogil by mistake.\u00a0 Hirata was a helluva teacher; but he was a bad shot.\u00a0 Maybe he was close <\/em>to a conniption?\u00a0 The incident put me in mind of Aunt Meggie who taught 8th Grade Science in Bridgeport.\u00a0 Maybe she saved her real conniptions for the class room?<\/p>\n

My story continues years later.\u00a0 Both of my parents had passed on.\u00a0 Uncle Saul had moved his game piece to the other side as well.\u00a0 I went to visit Aunt Meggie in her home on the Cape.\u00a0 She and Saul had bought a “retirement” house in Chatham… it\u00a0perched on a small knoll that looked out on to the Atlantic.\u00a0 I need <\/em>to see water, it restores me.\u00a0 I love my Aunt Meggie.\u00a0 I went to satisfy both my need and my love.<\/p>\n

Meggie was a repository for the “old stories”… and to hear the old stories re-told help fill in the ‘gaps’ in my understanding.\u00a0 We usually chatted on the back patio.\u00a0 This time the weather had turned bitter with nasty clouds forming over the ocean so we took our conversation inside, leaving the patio for another time.\u00a0 There\u00a0could be\u00a0no better stage for Meggie’s stories than\u00a0her den.\u00a0 The room\u00a0had the familiar pieces that made\u00a0up the den in Woodbury. The standing globe, the Sharps buffalo rifle, the blue club chair and the famous hat rack…\u00a0all fit nicely into the Chatham den.<\/p>\n

But a piece was added.\u00a0 The Queen Anne’s chair from Woodbury’s formal sitting room.\u00a0 I couldn’t resist, “You know Meggie… Uncle Saul told me that if ever I sat in your Queen Anne’s chair you would have a conniption!”<\/p>\n

“He told you that did he?”<\/p>\n

“Yes.\u00a0 And it scared the shit out of me.\u00a0 I didn’t want to set foot in that room.\u00a0 And I think I lucked out… I don’t think I ever saw you have a conniption.”<\/p>\n

Meggie shook her head… and then smiled.\u00a0 The smile turned to a chuckle, which then moved into a lengthy laugh.\u00a0 “You know what would get me mad?\u00a0 Real <\/em>angry?\u00a0 If someone called me Mirriam.”<\/p>\n

“Mirriam?”<\/p>\n

“That’s the name on my birth certificate: Mirriam<\/em>.\u00a0 You see, when I was in the 3rd Grade, my teacher, Miss Grudell didn’t like my name: Mirriam… so she <\/em>changed it to Meggie<\/em>.\u00a0 She would only<\/em> call me Meggie… and then all my classmates did it, too.\u00a0 And what cinched the deal was when your Mother, who\u00a0couldn’t pronounce ‘Mirriam’, started calling me Meggie.\u00a0 Then that was that.\u00a0 I was Meggie<\/em> from then on… even in our home.”<\/p>\n

Meggie paused.\u00a0 The room fell quiet.\u00a0 We both listened to the wind moving the chimes just outside the window.<\/p>\n

“The only time I heard the name Mirriam was when my parents scolded me.\u00a0 I hated it.\u00a0 ‘Mirriam<\/em> GO TO YOUR ROOM!!’\u00a0 I couldn’t stand the name.”<\/p>\n

“You know… it’s a really a pretty name.”<\/p>\n

“Yes, I suppose so; but not if it is associated with punishment, derision and shame.\u00a0 You know… one time your Uncle Saul called me Mirriam.\u00a0 He knew I\u00a0hated it.\u00a0 We were standing in the kitchen.\u00a0 We were having a discussion<\/em>, and he called me Mirriam.\u00a0 I got so mad.\u00a0 I lost control and took a Spode tea cup and smashed it to the floor.”<\/p>\n

She shook her head and allowed a small smile to take hold.<\/p>\n

“The cup already had a chip in it.”<\/p>\n

“Maybe that was an\u00a0almost <\/em>conniption?”<\/p>\n

“Do you want to know from conniption?\u00a0 I will\u00a0give you\u00a0conniption<\/em>!\u00a0 <\/em>It was when Herschel\u00a0lifted his leg\u00a0on Saul’s precious blue club chair!\u00a0 Oh my!\u00a0 Saul<\/em> had a conniption!”<\/p>\n

We both laughed.\u00a0 “Well… Meggie I’m not itching to see a conniption, I\u00a0promise not to pee on the blue club chair… and to be safe I won’t sit on the Queen Anne’s either.”\u00a0 <\/p>\n

I glanced at my beautiful Aunt,\u00a0 “It’s a shame about Mirriam, <\/em>though.\u00a0 Such a pretty name.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I wasn’t sure what he meant.\u00a0 Then Uncle Saul explained it: “You see, Jimmy… it begins here.” Uncle Saul pointed to the place between the eyes and just above the bridge\u00a0of his nose. “Here.\u00a0 First the eyebrows get squinched in.\u00a0 … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[17],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-312","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-meggie-saul"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/312","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=312"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/312\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=312"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=312"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=312"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}