{"id":326,"date":"2008-08-07T08:15:18","date_gmt":"2008-08-07T12:15:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.summerofjim.com\/2008\/08\/07\/trip-to-mars\/"},"modified":"2008-08-07T08:15:18","modified_gmt":"2008-08-07T12:15:18","slug":"trip-to-mars","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/?p=326","title":{"rendered":"Trip to Mars"},"content":{"rendered":"

I think I have everything in order.\u00a0 But you can never be too sure.\u00a0 Sweater<\/em>. It must be cold there, maybe I should take two. Two.\u00a0 No more, I don’t want anyone to think that I couldn’t take the cold. Thick socks. <\/em>Real important.\u00a0 Especially when you have to walk downstairs to get a late night snack from the fridge.\u00a0 Mickey Mouse t-shirts. <\/em>Everyone loves Mickey. When I meet an extraterrestrial it will present a friendly image.\u00a0 I won’t be a threat and they won’t have to kill me! <\/p>\n

I hope there is no cauliflower on Mars.<\/p>\n

If they have cauliflower, I am going to pack my things and move to a different solar system. I can’t stand cauliflower… and Mom knew that! It looks like brains… but brains probably smell better!<\/p>\n

Pepperidge Farm Raisin Bread. <\/em>A must. Plain it’s fine. Or slightly toasted with Skippy peanut butter and concord grape jelly. I’ll need a jar of each. I could live for years. Orange juice. <\/em>I think I have room for a big carton.\u00a0 Heavy, but necessary.<\/p>\n

Why did Mom have to put that cheese sauce all over the cauliflower… it just made it worse. Orange Pepto Bismol on brains!<\/p>\n

I don’t need books. I won’t have time to read, I’ll be too busy killing\u00a0their lower\u00a0life forms. Comic Books <\/em>they’re OK, they won’t take up too much room… and they are light. I’ll take three.<\/p>\n

Where’s my pillow?\u00a0 I can’t leave without my pillow<\/em>!\u00a0 There it is!\u00a0 <\/em>*whew*\u00a0 If I take it when I go to Grandma’s, I’m certainly taking it to Mars.\u00a0 <\/p>\n

You know… Mom doesn’t like everything.\u00a0 Dad said that she doesn’t like gin.\u00a0 But no one says, if you don’t finish your gin, then no TV.<\/em>\u00a0 This isn’t fair!\u00a0 Why doesn’t someone say… I’m waiting young lady… finish your gin or you’re going to your room!<\/em><\/p>\n

Dad’s Swiss Army Knife<\/em>. He won’t miss it. <\/em>It has all those neat blades. I’ll need it to spread the peanut butter & jelly on the raisin bread. It will also come in handy for killing their small rodents. I can gut and eat them, or turn their skins into clothing. Rodents? No, maybe not… they probably have weird insects! Centipedes. I hate centipedes! They’re probably the size of the prehistoric Euphoberia! 3′ or more! And they\u00a0have front pincers the size of lobster claws and they bite and sting.\u00a0 Nuts, I hate centipedes!<\/p>\n

Maybe I’ll get lucky and there will be a colony of mid-sized dinosaurs there to keep the centipede population down.\u00a0 How cool would that be?\u00a0 Nah, that’s too much to hope for.\u00a0I’ll just settle for a planet with no cauliflower.<\/p>\n

Hiking boots and a flash light. <\/em>I wonder if Martian centipedes can jump? I wish I had hip waders. Maybe I’ll take my baseball glove. <\/em>It will give me some protection when the centipedes jump in the air. I’ll coat the pocket of my glove with rat poison, that way when I catch those jumping centipedes they’ll die a slow and painful death. Just like I would have if I had eaten the cauliflower covered in cheese!<\/p>\n

Mom said that nobody died from eating cauliflower… or cauliflower in a tasty cheese sauce<\/em>.\u00a0 Maybe Dad should put the tasty cheese sauce in her gin?\u00a0 Nobody die from cauliflower?\u00a0 Well, I’m not so sure about that.\u00a0 I think I’d rather take my chances battling jumping centipedes on Mars.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I think I have everything in order.\u00a0 But you can never be too sure.\u00a0 Sweater. It must be cold there, maybe I should take two. Two.\u00a0 No more, I don’t want anyone to think that I couldn’t take the cold. … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-326","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-stories-brief-tales"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/326","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=326"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/326\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=326"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=326"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=326"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}