{"id":327,"date":"2008-08-28T08:43:02","date_gmt":"2008-08-28T12:43:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.summerofjim.com\/2008\/08\/28\/traveling-companion\/"},"modified":"2008-08-28T08:43:02","modified_gmt":"2008-08-28T12:43:02","slug":"traveling-companion","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/?p=327","title":{"rendered":"Traveling Companion"},"content":{"rendered":"

I think you’d be safe in calling me low tech.<\/em>\u00a0 I take no offense.\u00a0 My\u00a0Dad shunned the zip code<\/em>, and he was lost forever when we dropped the use of names and <\/em>numbers for our phone numbers.\u00a0 My Dad was low tech, too.\u00a0 For nostalgic reasons I still think of our old New Haven phone number as FUlton 7-7728.\u00a0 Zip codes don’t worry me. <\/p>\n

But no one is going to accuse Sandy of being low tech.\u00a0 We are\u00a0the “Doc Blanchard and Glenn Davis” in the tech world.\u00a0 I am Mr. Outside, and she is Ms. Inside… thank you very much\u00a0Red Blaik and Army football.<\/p>\n

It should come as no surprise that Sandy would surface one day with a GPS gadget for our car.\u00a0 I explained that there were countless ways to get directions to point “B”\u00a0from point “A”… look at a Hagstrom road map or\u00a0pick up the phone and ask <\/em>for directions… or even the medium tech <\/em>approach: “MapQuest” it.\u00a0 But no… we needed a global positioning system.<\/em><\/p>\n

A quick aside… I do believe this GPS stuff has some excellent applications… like\u00a0directing a scud missile into the\u00a0<\/em>ambush position\u00a0the state gendarmes <\/em>use just over the crest on I-84.<\/p>\n

We were not about to get any <\/em>GPS… it had to be a GARMIN.\u00a0 And as it turned out we didn’t get just any <\/em>GARMIN.\u00a0 No.\u00a0 Sandy filled out some questionnaire… and for reasons unknown, she was sent one of 100 experimental state-of-the-art <\/em>versions — free of charge.\u00a0 How could I object?\u00a0 Stand in the way of furthering technology?\u00a0 Not me.<\/p>\n

GARMIN:\u00a0 What is your destination?<\/p>\n

JIM:\u00a0 The Susquehanna Hat Company on Bagel Street.<\/p>\n

SANDY:\u00a0 Behave.\u00a0 61 Point Beach Drive, Milford, CT.<\/p>\n

JIM: I know how to get there…<\/p>\n

GARMIN: Take a left on to Quassuk Rd.\u00a0 Stay on it for one tenth of a mile and take a right at the stop sign.\u00a0 Come to a full stop before turning.<\/p>\n

JIM:\u00a0*Whew*\u00a0 I’m glad we have the GARMIN… I might I have turned right on Quassuk, or rolled thru the stop sign.<\/p>\n

SANDY:\u00a0 We’ll…you’re lucky.\u00a0 There’s a “State-y” across the road and he would have nailed your ass if you had rolled thru the stop sign like you usually do.<\/p>\n

GARMIN:\u00a0 Stay on Route 6 South for 16 miles.\u00a0 Don’t speed.<\/p>\n

JIM:\u00a0 Can I pick my nose?\u00a0 Stay on Route 6?\u00a0 I wouldn’t\u00a0go this way … we always go on to I-84, then Route 25 down to I-95.\u00a0 Did this thing <\/em>really know that there was a cop back there?<\/p>\n

SANDY:\u00a0 We have to trust in the GARMIN…<\/p>\n

GARMIN:\u00a0 Say, that’s a good looking shirt you’re wearing.\u00a0 I think you’re driving too fast.<\/p>\n

JIM:\u00a0 What?\u00a0 How did you program this thing?\u00a0 And I’m not<\/em> driving too fast.\u00a0 I never speed in Woodbury and you know it!\u00a0 I have taken an oath to be a model citizen.<\/p>\n

GARMIN:\u00a0 Pay attention to the road.<\/p>\n

JIM:\u00a0 What?\u00a0 Hey, are you throwing your voice?\u00a0 What did you tell that thing <\/em>about me.<\/p>\n

SANDY: On the questionnaire I told them that you were the primary long distance driver…<\/p>\n

JIM:\u00a0 That’s it?<\/p>\n

SANDY:\u00a0 And that you were on a work-release program, you have problems with authority figures wearing uniforms, you won’t eat sushi\u00a0and you hate the New York Jets.<\/p>\n

JIM:\u00a0 I’m glad you covered the key points.<\/p>\n

GARMIN:\u00a0 If you slow down you can enjoy the breathtaking view of the Flanders Nature Preserve.<\/p>\n

JIM:\u00a0 View?\u00a0 You see nothing from the road other than trees, a sign and a picnic table.\u00a0 Hah! I bet\u00a0that\u00a0table\u00a0is crawling with centipedes and huge spiders with furry legs.\u00a0 For all this thing <\/em>knows there is a mosquito infested swamp on the other side of the trees!<\/p>\n

SANDY:\u00a0 Don’t be rude.\u00a0\u00a0Lord Standish<\/em>\u00a0was trying to make a pleasant observation.<\/p>\n

JIM: Lord Standish?<\/p>\n

SANDY:\u00a0 It was suggested that we give our GARMIN a name.\u00a0 I thought it might be fun to drive around with a Royal.<\/em><\/p>\n

GARMIN:\u00a0 Here’s a joke that you haven’t heard.\u00a0 There’s this little boy, celebrating his 5th birthday and his mother bought him a cowboy outfit, complete with two six shooters.\u00a0 She also gave him some money and told him to walk to Baskin and Robbins to get a hot fudge sundae.\u00a0 So all duded up he walks into Baskin and Robbins and orders a hot fudge sundae and the counter girl asks, “do you want your nuts crushed?” And\u00a0he pulls out his guns and says, “Not unless you want your tits shot off!”<\/p>\n

SANDY: {laughing, laughing very hard<\/em>}\u00a0 Oh!\u00a0 That’s a great one!<\/p>\n

JIM:\u00a0 A great one?\u00a0 Of course it’s a great one!\u00a0 It’s one of my jokes for godsakes! My Dad told me that joke after I graduated from Hamden Hall.\u00a0 It was\u00a0the first joke that he told me that had a racy <\/em>word in it.\u00a0 He must have figured that it was time to break the ice.\u00a0 That… that<\/em>\u00a0thing <\/em>stole my joke!\u00a0 And besides, it wasn’t \u00a0Baskin and Robbins… but the soda fountain at the corner drug store.\u00a0 And wait a minute!\u00a0 What if Max or Zoey were in the car… that’s not a joke that you tell in front of little kids!\u00a0 Even I<\/em> wouldn’t tell that joke in front of little kids!!\u00a0 Here’s a joke that you haven’t heard… <\/em>Bullshit!\u00a0 It’s my<\/strong> fucking joke.\u00a0 Lord Haw-Haw <\/em>stole my joke!<\/p>\n

SANDY: {stifling a laugh, doing a bad job of it<\/em>} Not Haw-Haw… <\/em>Lord Standish.<\/p>\n

GARMIN:\u00a0You should calm down.\u00a0 You shouldn’t be driving in an excited state.\u00a0 You just went thru a red light.\u00a0<\/p>\n

JIM: It’s my first optional<\/em> for the day.\u00a0 I’m entitled to three.<\/p>\n

SANDY:\u00a0 Optional?<\/p>\n

JIM:\u00a0 Yes, the State of Connecticut says that I can choose<\/em> to ignore three traffic lights per day.\u00a0 And they don’t accumulate.\u00a0 Use ’em, or lose ’em<\/em>.<\/p>\n

SANDY:\u00a0 Optional?<\/p>\n

JIM:\u00a0 I hate lights.\u00a0 <\/em>Why didn’t you tell that thing <\/em>I hated lights?\u00a0 <\/p>\n

SANDY:\u00a0 Lord Standish, dear.<\/p>\n

GARMIN: In nine tenths of a mile take a right at the light and turn on to Route 8 South.<\/p>\n

JIM:\u00a0Shit, we’re going to miss this light and there is a cop sitting right there!\u00a0 I wish I had\u00a0brought my\u00a0bazooka.\u00a0 OK, here’s a joke: This guy walks into a bar near Carnegie Hall.\u00a0 He is carrying an octopus.\u00a0 The bar is a hang out for musicians who grab a beer after rehearsals.\u00a0 Well, this guy announces that he will bet $50 that his octopus can play any instrument.\u00a0\u00a0One guy takes his French horn out of its case and puts fifty on the table.\u00a0 The octopus crawls around the horn to get its bearings and then starts to play a lovely piece.\u00a0 The next musician takes out his oboe.\u00a0 You know, like who the hell can play that instrument?\u00a0 But sure enough this octopus crawls around it, and in a second or two is playing a piece from Peter and the Wolf<\/em>!\u00a0 Well… the bartender, who was watching all this, finally says, “wait a second…”\u00a0 He goes into a back room and comes out with a set of bagpipes and puts it on the table, “$100 says your octopus can’t play this.”\u00a0 The guy accepts the bet, and the octopus begins to crawl over the pipes… no music.\u00a0 Everyone’s watching and waiting.\u00a0 Finally the guy says, “hey!\u00a0 Start playing it already!”\u00a0 And the octopus says, “Play it?\u00a0 As soon as I figure how to take off its plaid pajamas, I’m going to fuck<\/em> it!”<\/p>\n

SANDY:\u00a0{laughing<\/em>}\u00a0 That’s not a joke for Zoey or Max either.\u00a0 But it’s cute!<\/p>\n

JIM:\u00a0 Yeah, one of my favorites!\u00a0 I think you laughed more at the other joke…<\/p>\n

SANDY: {stifling a laugh<\/em>}<\/p>\n

JIM:\u00a0I knew it!\u00a0 It’s that damned British accent!\u00a0 That thing <\/em>could say “rice pudding” and it would be funny!\u00a0 Why did you choose that British accent?\u00a0 You should have picked something else… like Jackie Mason<\/em>… then it would have sounded like we were driving around with one of our relatives!\u00a0 That would have worked!\u00a0 You know: “Take a right here.\u00a0 Oy!\u00a0 The sun is right in my eyes!\u00a0 Open the window I can’t breathe.\u00a0 No.\u00a0 Close it, close it!\u00a0 It smells like dead fish out there! Oy vey, I think I am going to pass out!”<\/p>\n

SANDY:\u00a0 {laughing<\/em>}\u00a0Good idea!\u00a0 I’ll make the recommendation in the “comments” portion of the survey I have to fill out.<\/p>\n

JIM: OK.\u00a0 And don’t forget to tell them that it’s not “Baskin and Robbins”; but the corner drugstore with\u00a0a soda fountain.<\/em><\/p>\n

SANDY: {stifling a laugh<\/em>}\u00a0OK.\u00a0 Corner drugstore with a soda fountain.\u00a0 Got it!<\/p>\n

GARMIN: My, that’s a smart after shave.\u00a0 Where did you get it?\u00a0 Slow down.\u00a0 Speed trap ahead.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I think you’d be safe in calling me low tech.\u00a0 I take no offense.\u00a0 My\u00a0Dad shunned the zip code, and he was lost forever when we dropped the use of names and numbers for our phone numbers.\u00a0 My Dad was … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-327","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/327","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=327"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/327\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=327"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=327"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=327"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}