{"id":338,"date":"2009-01-23T08:41:52","date_gmt":"2009-01-23T12:41:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.summerofjim.com\/2009\/01\/23\/drink-wine-live-longer-i-knew-it-all-the-time\/"},"modified":"2009-01-23T08:41:52","modified_gmt":"2009-01-23T12:41:52","slug":"drink-wine-live-longer-i-knew-it-all-the-time","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/?p=338","title":{"rendered":"Drink Wine, Live Longer… I Knew It All the Time!"},"content":{"rendered":"

From the Department of “Preaching to the Choir”,<\/em> I read with glee an article written by Noah Baumbach\u00a0in the pages of\u00a0The<\/em> New Yorker <\/em>{January 26, 2009}.\u00a0 <\/em>I have long known of the benefits of drinking good red wine and have tried to counsel friends, family, clients and constables of the law as to its salutary effects.\u00a0 You can understand, then… the sense of satisfaction when I read further confirming details published in a high falutin’ publication like The<\/em> New Yorker<\/em>. <\/p>\n

As a side note… if you can keep a straight face after reading this, then you must be dead and you should have started enjoying\u00a0Clarets, Burgs, ‘Neufs, Brunellos & etc.\u00a0years ago.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Mouse au Vin \u2013 Noah Baumbach<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cRed wine may be much more potent than was thought in extending human lifespan, researchers say in a new report that is likely to give impetus to the rapidly growing search for longevity drugs. The study is based on dosing mice with resveratrol, an ingredient of some red wines. . . . [In a related study] scientists used a dose on mice equivalent to just 35 bottles a day.\u201d\u2014The Times<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

August 24, 2008<\/u><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

I uncork a 2003 Haut-M\u00e9doc, which has a delightfully oaky nose, and pour a glass for myself and a bowl for my subject, Louis, the gray-and-white mouse I\u2019ve selected for this study. I\u2019ve chosen him for his serious and restrained demeanor\u2014among the other rodents, he keeps to himself. Cautious by nature, he sniffs the wine apprehensively, but after a sip or two he laps it up eagerly. <\/p>\n

The Ch\u00e2teau La Croix opens up in the glass, developing a full body and a luscious texture, and really hits its stride by the sixteenth bottle. Once we get a good head on, Louis is able to do the treadmill for twice his normal length of time and I do a pretty solid forward roll.<\/p>\n

August 25th<\/u><\/em><\/strong> <\/em><\/p>\n

Late start today. I don\u2019t wake until after ten. (And that\u2019s only because the phone clangs like an air-raid siren. Debra wondering where I was last night.) Louis moans in his cage until eleven-thirty. A 1998 Saint-\u00c9milion helps ease the crippling sensation of blood poisoning. A little hair of the dog. Try to jot some observations from last night, but, really, after I started dialing ex-girlfriends it\u2019s all a black hole.<\/p>\n

Louis again shows an abundance of energy, however; he must\u2019ve taken the wrong turn in the maze about eight times in a row before he realized the cheese was to the left. Once he gets it, he collapses in a pool of laughter and urine. And then I collapse in a pool of laughter and urine. <\/p>\n

September 3rd<\/u><\/em><\/strong> <\/p>\n

Louis is characteristically reserved and a bit testy before we get going, but after eight or nine glasses he\u2019s back to his jocular self. He even makes some astute comments about the 2005 Pomerol\u2019s peppery herbaceous finish. This is a terrible thing to say, but I like Louis better when he drinks.<\/p>\n

After eleven bottles, Louis shows unbelievable muscular progress. He can lift my left foot and, according to the rabbit, he arm-wrestled the monkey to a draw. (I must have been dialing ex-girlfriends around this time.) I do what might generously be called a cartwheel but really is just me losing my balance. I fall and smash into a cabinet of borosilicate glasses. <\/p>\n

The mice in the control group get the usual bowl of water and are asleep by nine-thirty. Louis and I don\u2019t crash until four, following a spirited argument about free will and half of \u201cNorbit\u201d on Starz.<\/p>\n

September 24th<\/u><\/em><\/strong> <\/p>\n

I call my wife and tell her I\u2019m going to sleep at the lab. She reminds me that she left me a week ago. Louis tries to crack me up by pantomiming humping a chimp through the cage. I hang up and Louis high-fives me: \u201cWe\u2019re good to go, bro!\u201d<\/p>\n

Louis runs a half-marathon on the treadmill, then vomits into my decanter. I do a handstand.<\/p>\n

September 27th<\/u><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Last thing I remember is doing a handstand three days ago. That\u2019s O.K. But I wouldn\u2019t have minded if someone had moved me from the floor to a mattress. Or at least cleaned up the blood. Louis is staring at me. \u201cYou said some weird shit,\u201d he declares.<\/p>\n

Louis is excited: he\u2019s heard of a study with endocannabinoids and THC as an anti-inflammatory. He suggests that if we\u2019re going to live forever we ought to have soft skin. I explain to him that we\u2019d need to apply for a grant, which could take months, and, with the headache I\u2019ve got, I really don\u2019t feel up to the paperwork. Louis suggests that we just score some weed at the record store. <\/p>\n

October 10th<\/u><\/em><\/strong> <\/p>\n

I look great! Louis looks great! Louis says I look thirty-seven. Louis is a year and a half and looks eight months. I thought Louis was me today. Mice are so weird. They\u2019re like humans in rodent costumes. <\/p>\n

October 28th<\/u><\/em><\/strong> <\/p>\n

It should be mentioned that Louis can now lift the cat. I can lift Louis. I could do that before, but now he\u2019s more muscular, so it\u2019s actually impressive. Do you follow? <\/p>\n

After we smoke a bowl, I unscrew a 2008 Ralph\u2019s generic-brand red. It has a sugary vinegar nose and a vinegary, sugary, vomity biley taste, but after five bottles who gives a shit? Louis wonders aloud if resveratrol might also be found in tequila, J\u00e4germeister, and cocaine. I have to dip a little further into the grant money, but we\u2019re able to score some blow by the side of the highway. Once we get back to the lab, we discover it\u2019s baking soda. Louis wants to hunt down the guy and murder him. It takes me, the monkey, and the entire control group of mice to restrain him. Fortunately, the hookers arrive and all is forgotten.<\/p>\n

December 18th<\/u><\/em><\/strong> <\/em><\/p>\n

A touch of vin triste<\/em> today as we realize that the final mouse in the control group has passed on. Louis tore the little fellow\u2019s head off in a paranoid rage. Thirty-five bottles of red followed by crystal meth seems to have diminishing returns. Or so says the rabbit.<\/p>\n

January 5, 2009<\/u><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Where has all the grant money gone? We need cash, damn it! I can\u2019t give any more blood, that\u2019s for sure. . . . I get Louis a job down the hall testing the effects of loud rock music on hearing, but he fails the piss test. And I\u2019d told him to take the rat\u2019s urine. <\/p>\n

Then he\u2019s all in my face, like, \u201cYou think you rule the world, I do everything to please you, run the treadmill\u201d bullshit, and I\u2019m, like, \u201cYou should shut your fucking face, you fucking mouse animal rodent . . .\u201d<\/p>\n

Our first fistfight.<\/p>\n

January 24th<\/u><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

i love louis i wrote a song about how much i love him it goes <\/p>\n

louis louis louis,
mon petit souris <\/p>\n

souris means louis in france i sing him my song and he cries and i pet him and we are happy and we drink wine<\/p>\n

March 4th<\/u><\/em><\/strong> <\/p>\n

need to write more better journal writing<\/p>\n

June 9, 20<\/u><\/em><\/strong>77<\/u><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Louis is seventy today, which must make me three hundred and nine. The mouse and I share a laugh over a slice of Cheddar, thinking back to the old days. Oh, we had some times! This was before they found resveratrol in lettuce and way before the monkey and the rabbit staged an intervention. Louis and I were so mad at them then, but all is forgiven. . . .<\/p>\n

Louis looks great for his age. Except for a distinguished salt and pepper along his chin and rear end, he doesn\u2019t look older than seventeen. <\/p>\n

It\u2019s funny. I was just remarking to Louis that I can\u2019t even remember what life was like before the mice took over. He laughs and chucks a cracker into my cage.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

From the Department of “Preaching to the Choir”, I read with glee an article written by Noah Baumbach\u00a0in the pages of\u00a0The New Yorker {January 26, 2009}.\u00a0 I have long known of the benefits of drinking good red wine and have … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-338","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-wine"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/338","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=338"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/338\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=338"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=338"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=338"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}