“Please hold my calls for an hour.\u00a0 I have to get this done.” <\/p>\n
Alright… look, <\/em>Illinois<\/em> is ranked 5th!\u00a0 That’s not bad… I think I ranked 8th when I began my run for the Presidency.\u00a0Let’s check who qualified from the Ivy League.\u00a0 Cornell?\u00a0 I didn’t know they had a basketball team… maybe their hockey team qualified.\u00a0\u00a0<\/em>Arizona<\/em> is ranked 12th?\u00a0 They suck this year. I think I am going to text message John McCain… “Big John: aren’t you sorry that you got stuck with Palin?\u00a0 If<\/u> you had taken Lieberman instead… and if <\/u>you could have convinced him to get a decent haircut you\u00a0might have taken me!” OK… let’s get serious…<\/em><\/p>\n Midwest.\u00a0 Louisville.\u00a0 What a joke.\u00a0 I think they want Louisville to win… what an easy draw.\u00a0 Wake Forest will give them trouble in the Sweet Sixteen.\u00a0 They’ll still win, they’re riding the high of taking the Big East. Louisville is gliding to the Semis.<\/em><\/p>\n West.\u00a0 UCONN is Ranked 1st.\u00a0 Well… they’re 0 and 2 in the last two games that count. Whose their first round opponent?\u00a0 University of Tennessee at Chattanooga?\u00a0 Shit, I think that the UCONN Ladies could beat that team… hmmmm.\u00a0 The Ladies could probably take half the teams in this field!\u00a0 Never mind.\u00a0 Joe Lieberman is such a doofus, what a sanctimonious blow hard!\u00a0 And Dodd?<\/em><\/p>\n “Please take a memo… Tell Lieberman\u00a0to get a haircut.\u00a0 And tell Dodd to give up booze and Dunkin Donuts… oh, and send an intern out to\u00a0pick me up\u00a0an order of General Tso’s Chicken… what? Oh, brown rice, it’s healthier.\u00a0 And have him pick up three packs of Marlboros… and don’t tell Michelle.”<\/p>\n UCONN… they have to be numb after losing that six overtime game to Syracuse.\u00a0 Calhoun probably wished he had some of the girls on the bench.\u00a0 Wouldn’t that have been a rip?\u00a0 They still will make it the Elite Eight.\u00a0 What else?\u00a0 Marquette is going to give Missouri all it can handle… The Tigers will win; but take it on the chin against Memphis… and Memphis will knock off the Huskies in the next round.\u00a0 OK, Memphis in the Semis.<\/em><\/p>\n This is going well. East.\u00a0 Pitt is #1.\u00a0The City of <\/em>Steel<\/em>!\u00a0 Uh-oh.. Duke is in their draw.\u00a0 Duke will have to get by Nova in the Sweet Sixteen.\u00a0 Nova?<\/em><\/p>\n “Send over to Joe Lieberman’s Office\u00a0a platter of bagels, Philly cream cheese, ‘Nova Lox and fresh tomatoes.\u00a0 Enclose a note, ‘Thanks for the help on pushing through the stimulus package.'”<\/p>\n This is a tough one.\u00a0 Duke? Pitt? Pitt? Duke?\u00a0 Let me text message Michelle, “Hey!\u00a0 Who do you like, Pitt or Duke?”\u00a0 I bet she says Duke!\u00a0 No, well I’ll be!\u00a0 “Pitt, Pitt, Pitt!\u00a0 And you better not be smoking!”\u00a0 Give me a break!\u00a0 I’m the President! “Thanks for the help… and no, I’m not smoking.”\u00a0 OK, Pitt to the Semis.<\/em><\/p>\n “Can you send someone in here to clear all these ashtrays.\u00a0 And tell the intern to make it four packs of Marlboros… and add an eggroll to my order.”<\/p>\n South.\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0 First let me put on my lucky North Carolina game shirt!\u00a0 Go Tar Heels!\u00a0 All the way baby!\u00a0 Make it happen!\u00a0 Gonzaga?\u00a0 Gonzaga?\u00a0 Please… a double digit win there.\u00a0 And the lower half of the bracket… Oklahoma and Syracuse.\u00a0 Oklahoma would give Carolina a tougher game… so I’m playing for Syracuse to upset Oklahoma… 8 overtimes!\u00a0 Then ‘Cuse will have nothing left against the Tar Heels.\u00a0 Yeah, baby!\u00a0 We’re in the Semis!<\/em><\/p>\n Semis.\u00a0 Sorry Michelle… Pitt is going down!\u00a0 Down hard!\u00a0 All Carolina!\u00a0 On the other side… well who gives a rat’s ass about this.\u00a0 OK, eeny meeny miney mo, who’s gonna lose to my bro’?\u00a0 Shit… I hope no one heard that!<\/em><\/p>\n “*Ahem*\u00a0 Did you hear anything out there?\u00a0 What?\u00a0 No, no… I’m fine, just fine.\u00a0 I was just saying to myself, I would certainly enjoy a Marlboro <\/em>now… but I promised Michelle that I was going to give up smoking.\u00a0 Ha, ha!\u00a0 Yes, I know… tomorrow!”<\/p>\n Well… that wraps things up.\u00a0 North Carolina over Louisville<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" “Please hold my calls for an hour.\u00a0 I have to get this done.” Alright… look, Illinois is ranked 5th!\u00a0 That’s not bad… I think I ranked 8th when I began my run for the Presidency.\u00a0Let’s check who qualified from the … Continue reading