{"id":423,"date":"2010-10-26T10:09:49","date_gmt":"2010-10-26T14:09:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.summerofjim.com\/?p=423"},"modified":"2010-10-26T10:09:49","modified_gmt":"2010-10-26T14:09:49","slug":"paige-milton-the-second-season","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/?p=423","title":{"rendered":"Paige & Milton, The Second Season"},"content":{"rendered":"

Emperor Penguins will stay with the same mate for the duration of their lives.\u00a0 Each year the female penguin transfers her egg to her mate for an incubation period that lasts for sixty-four days.\u00a0 While the female\u00a0heads to the sea to forage, the male keeps the single egg balanced on the tops of its feet and off the\u00a0pack ice.\u00a0 When the female returns to the colony, she picks up the distinctive “call” of her mate, and they then share in taking care of their chick, until it fledges before the following breeding season.\u00a0 For adult penguins this cycle repeats, and repeats, and repeats… and repeats.<\/em><\/p>\n

PAIGE: Hey, where the hell are you going?\u00a0 It’s almost time for me to pass our egg over to you!<\/p>\n

MILTON:\u00a0Great!\u00a0 I have to go the john.<\/p>\n

PAIGE: Now?\u00a0 Now you have to go to\u00a0the john?<\/p>\n

MILTON: Yeah, easy for you!\u00a0 You’ll be off swimming with your girl friends in\u00a0the pristine open ocean… stuffing yourself on squid and such… having a grand ‘ol time. Yeah… me? I have to stand up in sub-zero temperatures, impossible winds, in the dark, next to 150 other guys in the “huddle”\u00a0for sixty-four straight days.\u00a0 Oh… did I mention: no bathroom breaks<\/em>!\u00a0 You better believe I’m going!\u00a0 Last year Bartlett\u00a0couldn’t hold it in!<\/p>\n

PAIGE: Couldn’t hold it in?<\/p>\n

MILTON: Whatta\u00a0foul smelling mess!! And when the huddle moved around we all had to step in it!\u00a0 Keeping in mind that we have to balance that damn egg on our feet… oh, and did I mention that it was in the dark?\u00a0 And what does Crawford say?\u00a0 Him with that phony British accent of his, “I say, this is dreadful, a chap should take\u00a0better care of his physical needs.”<\/p>\n

PAIGE: Well…<\/p>\n

MILTON: Well nothing!\u00a0I’m going to the john.\u00a0 Where’s my copy of Sports Illustrated<\/em>?\u00a0 I might be a while.<\/p>\n

PAIGE: The swim suit issue?<\/p>\n

MILTON: No one likes a smart ass Paige.\u00a0 You know… I hate to say it… but we have to be the laughing stock of the animal kingdom!\u00a0 Sixty-four days standing up in the freezing cold… in the dark with an egg on your feet… and they call us Emperor Penguins<\/em>!\u00a0 I hear there are other penguins… happy penguins, called Galactic Ruler Penguins… <\/em>they bask in tropical waters, the guys wear Bermuda shorts and sport shirts with small embroidered alligators and they sip mai tai’s, read the Sports Illustrated<\/em> Swim Suit Issue, and watch the sun setting over emerald lagoons.\u00a0 That’s\u00a0for me!\u00a0 A Galactic Ruler Penguin!<\/p>\n

PAIGE:\u00a0OK Mr. Galactic Ruler Penguin… I don’t hear anyone else complaining.\u00a0 Not Bartlett, not Crawford… NO ONE!\u00a0 Just you Milton!\u00a0 When it comes to grousing and griping you take the gold medal.\u00a0 Milton: The Galactic Gripe King!\u00a0<\/p>\n

MILTON: Oh you’re asking for it Paige!\u00a0 Boom, zoom to the moon!\u00a0\u00a0Remind me\u00a0to get the pages of this SI<\/em> laminated.\u00a0 Oh, and one more thing: Sixty-four days Paige. SIXTY-FOUR DAYS… that’s it!\u00a0 On day sixty-five and you’re not\u00a0here… I’m stepping on the egg!<\/p>\n

PAIGE: Stop dragging your feet Milton, it’s time for me to give you our egg. And don’t even think about stepping on our egg… unless you never want to see your sacred issue of Sports Illustrated <\/em>ever again!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Emperor Penguins will stay with the same mate for the duration of their lives.\u00a0 Each year the female penguin transfers her egg to her mate for an incubation period that lasts for sixty-four days.\u00a0 While the female\u00a0heads to the sea … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-423","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-ministry-of-jokes"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/423","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=423"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/423\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":427,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/423\/revisions\/427"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=423"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=423"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=423"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}