{"id":459,"date":"2011-01-17T08:36:29","date_gmt":"2011-01-17T12:36:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.summerofjim.com\/?p=459"},"modified":"2011-01-17T08:36:29","modified_gmt":"2011-01-17T12:36:29","slug":"basketball-as-they-know-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/?p=459","title":{"rendered":"Basketball, As They Know It"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s not often that we are visited by life forms from another planet… or life forms that declare<\/em> themselves as such, in a clear manner.\u00a0 Unlike, for example, Roger Clemmons, Boy George and Sarah Palin, who have kept their true extraterrestrial identities hidden from view.<\/p>\n

But such was the case when “representatives” from You-Wouldn’t-Recognize-The-Name-If-You-Heard-It <\/em>Planet, in a Galaxy, also completely unknown to us, and a Star System that even George Lucas couldn’t cook up, visited earth on what\u00a0might best be described as a reconnoitering patrol<\/em>, and left behind indisputable\u00a0evidence of their presence.<\/p>\n

We can thank the efforts of Edward Cadbury-Howard of Oxford’s Department of Antiquities and Forensic Science Fiction for\u00a0his work in\u00a0what will go down as one of the great mysteries of this, or\u00a0any, millennia.\u00a0 And as is often the case, this story of success was a product\u00a0of hard work and blind luck.\u00a0<\/p>\n

First, the discovery of the object<\/em> itself.\u00a0 Cadbury-Howard, at the time, was a Visiting Lecturer in Archeology at Yale University when he\u00a0happened upon a “slab” of considerable size and strange composition… bringing to mind the “monolith” from the film 2001 Space Odyssey<\/em>, except that it wasn’t 2001, it was 2002, and it wasn’t the moon; but it was\u00a0on a beach on Long Island Sound\u00a0in Woodmont, CT where the slab was unearthed.<\/p>\n

Call\u00a0it blind\u00a0luck when Cadbury-Howard, a few professors from the Department, and a group of graduate students stumbled upon the historic find by chance when\u00a0they were actively engaged in digging a pit for a New England clam bake.<\/p>\n

Little did the troop expect to come upon anything other than sand (although one of the grad students mentioned that Captain Kidd supposedly buried treasure in these parts).\u00a0 After taking several\u00a0hours to excavate the slab, the academics carefully wrapped it in a Land’s End “double king” beach blanket and carted it back to the University for a detailed analysis.<\/p>\n

The lobsters, clams and sweet corn would have wait for another afternoon.<\/p>\n

At Yale, specialists in metallurgy\u00a0were summoned to work on the physical make-up of the slab, while the obscure etched symbols that totally covered every surface of the artifact, occupied Cadbury-Howard for eight years.\u00a0 After the partial results of his hard work were published last September\u00a0in the Royal Survey\u00a0of Galactic Intelligence<\/em>, the find was hailed as the 21st Century equivalent of the Rosetta Stone.<\/p>\n

The Rosetta Stone unlocked the key to Egyptian Hieroglyphics, and paved the way to understanding ancient Egyptian History and Civilization.\u00a0 The Woodmont Slab <\/em>(as it is now known) unlocked the key to understanding communication from a world<\/em> unknown.<\/p>\n

{Let’s pause here.\u00a0 I don’t know how much of this outer-space-<\/em>Roswell<\/em>-NM-“they’re-living-amongst-us” you are prepared to believe.\u00a0 But let’s say for argument, that it’s true: They<\/span> are here, or were<\/span> here. So think about it… 300,000\u00a0years of human habitation (give or take), we have populated <\/em>New Jersey<\/em> and got as far as touching ground on the moon.\u00a0 That “they” got to us, before we got to “them”… I mean… aren’t you just a little bit nervous about their abilities to open a can of whup ass on us?}<\/em><\/p>\n

Working with a dedicated team of cryptographers on loan from the U.S. Navy and a group of Eagle Scouts from Temple Mishkan Israel, Cadbury-Howard made the break-thru discovery when he was finally able to convert\u00a0a section of the\u00a0bizarre symbols to: “These words are razors to my wounded heart.” [Titus Andronicus<\/em>, Act I, Scene 1].\u00a0 That led to deciphering the following: “Men at some time are masters of their fates: The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves, that we are underlings.” [Julius Caesar<\/em>, Act 1, Scene 2]<\/p>\n

Further study revealed that\u00a0the complete works of William Shakespeare were inscribed in the upper third of, what was determined as the front facing portion\u00a0of the Woodmont Slab. Just below Shakespeare’s Sonnets, Cadbury-Howard found Douglas MacArthur’s Farewell Address to\u00a0the Corps of Cadets at West Point:<\/p>\n

“The long gray line has never failed us. Were you to do so, a million ghosts in olive drab, in brown khaki, in blue and gray, would rise from their white crosses, thundering those magic words: Duty, Honor, Country.<\/p>\n

“This does not mean that you are warmongers. On the contrary, the soldier above all other people prays for peace, for he must suffer and bear the deepest wounds and scars of war. But always in our ears ring the ominous words of Plato, that wisest of all philosophers:\u00a0‘Only the dead have seen the end of war.’<\/p>\n

“The shadows are lengthening for me. The twilight is here. My days of old have vanished – tone and tint. They have gone glimmering through the dreams of things that were. Their memory is one of wondrous beauty, watered by tears and coaxed and caressed by the smiles of yesterday. I listen then, but with thirsty ear, for the witching melody of faint bugles blowing reveille, of far drums beating the long roll.<\/p>\n

“In my dreams I hear again the crash of guns, the rattle of musketry, the strange, mournful mutter of the battlefield. But in the evening of my memory I come back to West Point. Always there echoes and re-echoes: Duty, Honor, Country.<\/p>\n

“Today marks my final roll call with you. But I want you to know that when I cross the river, my last conscious thoughts will be of the Corps, and the Corps, and the Corps.<\/p>\n

“I bid you farewell.”<\/p>\n

On the obverse<\/em> side, the Woodmont Slab contained observations covering varied subject matter.<\/p>\n

“The Blue Planet has many diverting activities meant to entertain their population.\u00a0 These activities are organized in buildings where humans consume beverages that induce vocal encouragement to support contesting groups of humans wearing unique costumes.\u00a0 This activity is referred to as Basketball<\/em>.\u00a0 The contestants wear head coverings, and perform on a smooth surface that is very cold by Blue Planet’s norm, most similar to –\u00a0{Editor’s note: this has yet to be decoded<\/em>}.\u00a0 The humans carry specially fashioned sticks and pursue a tiny black disk.\u00a0 The object of this pursuit is to put the black disk in an enclosure protected by a human in heavy armor.\u00a0 Sometimes the humans hit each other with their sticks, and sometimes they take off their crude hand coverings so they can better hold each other’s garb or strike at each other’s\u00a0faces.\u00a0 This always brings an enthusiastic response from the humans in the building.\u00a0 Although it seems to cause concern for the humans wearing striped shirts.”<\/p>\n

{This is basketball? Do you think we really have to worry about these “visitors”?<\/em>}<\/p>\n

Also on this side of the Slab was a recipe for a Mojito: “Lightly muddle 2-4 sprigs of fresh mint, with a small amount of sugar with a little club soda until sugar dissolves and the mint can be smelled. Squeeze in the juice of one lime, add 3 ounces of dark rum, shake and top with ice and club soda. Garnish with a sprig of mint.”<\/p>\n

{Dark rum?\u00a0Dark rum! I’ve made dozens of Mojito’s and you use light rum! These guys have a lot to learn!<\/em>}<\/p>\n

Nearly half of the Woodmont Slab remains to be deciphered.\u00a0 The work continues.\u00a0 Questions as to why the beach in Woodmont was selected as a location for depositing the\u00a0Slab\u00a0is a source of great speculation.\u00a0 What were they looking for?\u00a0 Maybe Captain Kidd’s treasure? Maybe they found it!\u00a0 Word spreads quick about stuff like that… even to planet watcha-callit<\/em>. Cadbury-Howard has suggested that it was left as a “study aid” or “travel guide” for future visitors.\u00a0 Perhaps these questions will be answered as more of the Slab is deciphered.\u00a0 Maybe there are other slabs to be discovered? One thing is quite clear… in the words of Cadbury-Howard, “These chaps came quite a distance.\u00a0 Maybe they just got lost in space!”<\/p>\n

Interesting.\u00a0 I am not ruling out that this is an elaborate hoax perpetrated by clever Yale students.\u00a0 Still, the possibility exists that it’s the real thing and that we are, in all likelihood,\u00a0not alone.\u00a0 Sure they made a mistake identifying hockey as\u00a0basketball. But what the hell… even they<\/span> are entitled to a “mulligan”.\u00a0Dark rum in a Mojito?\u00a0 ???\u00a0!!! These guys maybe on to something!<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s not often that we are visited by life forms from another planet… or life forms that declare themselves as such, in a clear manner.\u00a0 Unlike, for example, Roger Clemmons, Boy George and Sarah Palin, who have kept their true … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-459","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/459","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=459"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/459\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":462,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/459\/revisions\/462"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=459"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=459"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=459"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}