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<\/p>\n\u201cWell\u2026 that\u2019s not entirely right.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know that blue jeans existed<\/em> until I went to college!\u00a0 Well look\u2026 sure the other kids were wearing blue jeans when I was a kid\u2026 it wasn\u2019t something that I really thought about \u2018til<\/em> I went to college.\u00a0 I spent my entire youth in grey flannels\u2026 grey flannel pants, grey flannel shorts.\u00a0 I went to school in grey flannels, I played in grey flannels.\u00a0 I even had grey flannel Bermudas\u2026 the kind with cuffs. My Dad had them made special for me\u00a0because we went to Hamilton every June.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou say you really didn\u2019t think about blue jeans until college.\u00a0 Still you were feeling different from your peers?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDifferent?\u00a0 Back then? Who knows?\u00a0 But Sydney Kaufman gave me some trouble.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh? And how old would you be at this time?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe seven or eight?\u00a0 Her Father owned Kaufman\u2019s Variety.\u00a0 It was a small store on the corner of Edgewood and West Rocks Ave.\u00a0 It had candy and comic books\u2026 maybe other things; but that\u2019s all I can remember.\u00a0 Mr. Kaufman terrorized us kids.\u00a0 He had this big fat unshaven face.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t keep his shirt tucked in, and there was always a button undone by his fat belly.\u00a0 He sweated a lot, and didn\u2019t smell good.\u00a0 And he wouldn\u2019t let us read the comic books in the store.\u00a0 He would scream at us, \u2018get outta\u2019 here you kids! You wanta\u2019 read the comic books? Pay a dime and read the comic books! Read outside<\/em>! Don\u2019t be bothering my real customers!\u2019 He wore grey flannels, too.\u00a0 There are ten reasons for Anti-Semitism to exist, and he was two<\/em> of them!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cInteresting.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnyway\u2026 this Sydney Kaufman lived in our neighborhood, had curly red hair and freckles and she was in my Sunday School class.\u00a0 She sat in the desk next to mine.\u00a0 We were the shortest kids in the class, so we had to sit in the front row\u2026 right in front of Mrs. Goldberg\u2019s desk.\u00a0 I felt like we were being punished. I don\u2019t know which was worse\u2026 sitting next to Sydney Kaufman or in front of Mrs. Goldberg.\u00a0 It was three hours of agony every Sunday.\u00a0 And then for reasons I can\u2019t guess, one day my Mother gets a call from Sydney\u2019s Mother asking if Sydney can come over our house to play!\u00a0 And before I can say anything, my Mother agrees!\u00a0 I immediately got nauseous!\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t believe it!\u00a0 Why did my Mother agree to this?\u00a0 Was this Mrs. Kaufman\u2019s idea?\u00a0 Or Sydney\u2019s idea?\u00a0 And if it was Sydney\u2019s idea\u2026 what did she think we were going to do?\u00a0 Skip rope?\u00a0 We probably didn\u2019t like the same things\u2026 and hey!\u00a0 Didn\u2019t she have any girl friends?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou found a girl having interest in you upsetting?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHey!\u00a0 I was seven or eight!\u00a0 What boy at seven or eight likes girls?\u00a0 Maybe Joel Schwartz, OK.\u00a0 But he was a weirdo.\u00a0 Actually, I heard that Joel runs a successful hedge fund today and is a scratch golfer. But for all I know, he still<\/em> is a weirdo.\u00a0 Sydney should have gone over to his<\/em> house\u2026 they had the first color TV set in the neighborhood; but all he wanted to watch were old black & white movies. Joel had this irritating laugh.\u00a0 One time we took our bikes over to Edgewood Park, armed with pea shooters and we set up our ambush positions near the entrance over by Chapel & the Boulevard.\u00a0 And who comes by but Sydney Kaufman!\u00a0 She was wearing a light blue plaid dress and riding a Schwinn.\u00a0 Joel hit the spokes of her front wheel and I got her on the calf.\u00a0 It must have stung like hell!\u00a0She fell off her bike and scraped her knee.\u00a0 Then Joel and his goofy laugh gave away our positions!\u00a0 And Sydney shot back\u2026 \u2018I see who you boys are! And you\u2019re in trouble now!\u2019\u00a0 She took off on her Schwinn crying\u00a0and ratted out Joel to Mrs. Kaufman!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut not you?\u201d<\/p>\n “No I dodged the bullit that time.\u00a0 But I got nailed <\/em>later.\u00a0 Sydney and I got married just after college. We were married for just\u00a0three years.\u00a0 It was a train wreck.\u00a0 We never should have gotten married in the first place. Luckily, no kids.\u00a0 Honestly, I was a miserable husband.”<\/p>\n “I think it goes back to you not being able to wear blue jeans.”<\/p>\n “Thanks Doctor… I will see you next week.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" \u201cI think it all began when my parents wouldn\u2019t let me wear blue jeans\u2026\u201d \u201cWouldn\u2019t let you?\u201d \u201cWell\u2026 that\u2019s not entirely right.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know that blue jeans existed until I went to college!\u00a0 Well look\u2026 sure the other kids … Continue reading