{"id":694,"date":"2011-03-17T19:45:09","date_gmt":"2011-03-17T23:45:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.summerofjim.com\/?p=694"},"modified":"2012-06-05T19:41:41","modified_gmt":"2012-06-05T23:41:41","slug":"penguins-of-the-caribbean","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/?p=694","title":{"rendered":"Penguins of the Caribbean"},"content":{"rendered":"

Emperor Penguins endure the harshest conditions of the Antarctic winter to breed.\u00a0 With air temperatures of -40F, wind gusts of 75mph, the males of the colony cluster together into tight huddles, balancing a single egg on the top of the feet, while the females trek 60 miles to the Antarctic Ocean to spend two months foraging for food.\u00a0 Skeletal remains of Emperor Penguins have been found as far north as Barbados.\u00a0 In a cave near Gun Hill Signal Station in St. George bones of several male and female penguins were discovered.\u00a0 Carbon dating places their time to early 18th Century.\u00a0 Opinion is divided whether this find represents a “break away” colony of Emperor Penguins, or the “leftovers” from a pirate clambake.<\/em><\/p>\n

MILTON: Arrrgh!\u00a0 There’s me wench!<\/p>\n

PAIGE:\u00a0Milton?\u00a0 Milton!\u00a0 For heaven’s sake take off that ridiculous eye patch!<\/p>\n

MILTON: Arrrgh!\u00a0 Me name is Long Beak Milton!<\/p>\n

PAIGE: Long Beak?<\/p>\n

MILTON: Arrrgh!\u00a0 Just ask the ladies of the colony!\u00a0 They’ll tell ya’!\u00a0 Arrrgh!<\/p>\n

PAIGE: Yeah,\u00a0long beak?\u00a0 HAH!\u00a0 Look… I don’t have time for this!\u00a0 Every year it’s the same story… I’m ready to transfer our egg to you, and you pull some cockamamie stunt!<\/p>\n

MILTON: Belay that!<\/p>\n

PAIGE:\u00a0What’s this?\u00a0 What’s happened to your left foot?<\/p>\n

MILTON:\u00a0Arrrgh!\u00a0 It got shot off by a canon ball and now it’s me peg leg!<\/p>\n

PAIGE:\u00a0You call that a peg leg<\/em>?\u00a0 It looks like a bad Ferragamo with a 2″ Cuban heel!\u00a0 I suggest you lose that poor excuse for a Hollywood prop or you’ll never be able to balance our<\/em> egg on just one foot!<\/p>\n

MILTON: Arrrgh!\u00a0 Forget the egg!\u00a0 We be heading to the trade winds<\/em> in the north!\u00a0 You, my sweet wench, and me!\u00a0 To the Isle of Barbados!<\/p>\n

PAIGE: Barbados?<\/p>\n

MILTON: Oh, yes… others have done it!\u00a0 It’s been told!\u00a0 And think… no more sub-zero temperatures, no more gale force winds, no more winter darkness!\u00a0 It’s time to cast off,\u00a0hoist the mains’l, we be bound for the Caribbean and we fly the skull ‘n’ bones! We’ll make love under a star lit canopy with mild breezes caressing us!\u00a0 No long schlep to the Antarctic Ocean for food!\u00a0 No!\u00a0 We’ll take a quick dip in a nearby lagoon, fetch a fish or two and then kick back on the beach, listen to some tunes, sip a Planter’s Punch.\u00a0 Ah… the Caribbean.\u00a0 Tell me it’s not a better life than freezing your balls off!<\/p>\n

PAIGE: Milton take off that idiotic eye patch and fake “leg”!\u00a0 I’m giving you our egg. OUR<\/em> egg! I’ll see you in two months!\u00a0 Arrrgh!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Emperor Penguins endure the harshest conditions of the Antarctic winter to breed.\u00a0 With air temperatures of -40F, wind gusts of 75mph, the males of the colony cluster together into tight huddles, balancing a single egg on the top of the … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-694","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-ministry-of-jokes"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/694","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=694"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/694\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":796,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/694\/revisions\/796"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=694"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=694"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=694"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}