{"id":996,"date":"2012-06-14T19:39:32","date_gmt":"2012-06-14T23:39:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.summerofjim.com\/?p=996"},"modified":"2012-06-14T19:39:32","modified_gmt":"2012-06-14T23:39:32","slug":"father-knows-best","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/?p=996","title":{"rendered":"Father Knows Best"},"content":{"rendered":"

Emperor Penguins endure the harshest climate on earth\u2026 the Antarctic.\u00a0 The Penguins mate for life and share in caring for the single egg that is produced during the winter breeding season.\u00a0 After laying the egg, the female transfers the egg to her mate who balances it on the top of his feet to keep the egg off the pack ice.\u00a0 While the females of the colony head to the ocean to feed, the males gather together in a protective huddle to help withstand the -40\u00b0 air temperatures and wind gusts that can reach 89 mph during the darkness of the Antarctic Winter.\u00a0 After 64 days of foraging at sea, the females return to the colony, identify their mate\u2019s distinctive call, and then the pair alternate in going back to the sea, in feeding and in caring for their newly hatched chick.<\/em><\/p>\n

MILTON<\/strong>:<\/strong> Cortie, my Son\u2026 it\u2019s time for you and I to have a little chat!\u00a0 Come here boy and listen to your Father!\u00a0 Son\u2026 I know what you\u2019re thinking\u2026 \u201cHoly crow its cold!\u00a0 And this is our Spring!\u201d\u00a0 Remember Cortie\u2026 We\u2019re Emperor Penguins<\/em>.\u00a0 Emperor Penguins, I say!\u00a0 And do Emperor Penguins let a little cold bother them?\u00a0 No!\u00a0 It would be like saying that Babe Ruth was bothered by an inside fastball!\u00a0 Or that Stephen King was bothered by the dark!\u00a0 Are you listening to me son?\u00a0 Oh, sure\u2026 I can see worry written<\/em> all over your face.\u00a0 You\u2019re thinking\u2026 \u201cIt\u2019s cold now\u2026 what happens in the Winter when the wind picks up some and the temperature dips a bit\u2026 and<\/em> we have to take care of a confounded egg?\u201d<\/p>\n

Well Son\u2026 {har, har, har<\/em>} Let your Father put your mind to ease!\u00a0 You see Son; all the guys get together\u2026 it\u2019s like a club<\/em>.\u00a0 One timeBartlett called it the \u201cHe-Man Women Haters Club\u201d.\u00a0 But that got him into big time difficulty with Sheila, his bride.\u00a0 Are you listening to me Son?<\/p>\n

Yes, it gets a tad brisk\u2026 brisk<\/em> I say, and all of the guys in the colony gather together in a tight formation that we call a huddle<\/em>.\u00a0 And then we take turns moving into the center of the huddle where it\u2019s out of the wind and a bit warmer.\u00a0 I know what you\u2019re thinking\u2026 \u201cWhat do we do in the huddle for two months in the dark?\u201d\u00a0 Well, Son\u2026 mostly we gossip about the ladies and tell jokes.<\/p>\n

This is the joke that \u2018ol Doc Reid told last year\u2026 \u201cIt seems that there\u2019s this fellah who was walking down Chestnut St.in Philadelphiaholding a giraffe by the leg. {har, har, har\u2026 I love this joke<\/em>} And a policeman stops him and says, \u2018hey buddy, why don\u2019t you take that giraffe to the zoo?\u2019 So the guy and the giraffe set off walking in the direction of the zoo.\u00a0 And about 2 hours later, the beat cop spots the guy and the giraffe walking in the other direction, so he stops them, \u2018hey buddy, didn\u2019t I tell you to take that giraffe to the zoo?\u2019\u00a0 And the guy answers, \u2018I did.\u00a0 And we had such a good time, so now we decided to go to the movies!\u2019 {har, har, har\u2026 I love that joke!<\/em>}<\/p>\n

That\u2019s a joke, Son!\u00a0 You\u2019re allowed to laugh!\u00a0 {har, har, har\u2026 hmmm, this boy\u2019s in the boat; but both oars aren\u2019t in the water!<\/em>}\u00a0 That\u2019s a knee slapper, Son\u2026 in fact Casey Martin laughed at that so hard that he stepped on his egg!\u00a0 Are you listening to me boy? {I think I heard that joke 150 times in two months time and it\u2019s still funny! No one tells a joke better than Doc Reid!<\/em>}<\/p>\n

Now look Cortie\u2026 the cold, the wind, the darkness, not eating for two months\u2026 it\u2019s not as bad as it sounds.\u00a0 Oh, once in awhile one of the guys in the huddle cuts a nasty fart and tries to lay the blame off on someone else\u2026 and some harsh words can be exchanged.\u00a0 But nothing serious\u2026 are you following me boy?<\/p>\n

I see that there still is concern in your eyes.\u00a0 Hmmm?\u00a0 I know what you\u2019re thinking\u2026 \u201cWhat about the ladies?\u201d\u00a0 {har, har, har<\/em>}\u00a0 Well son, you have no worries there\u2026 your Father is a natural \u201cladies\u2019 man\u201d!\u00a0 Nod your head son!\u00a0 Women won\u2019t be able to resist you!\u00a0 Oh, it will take a little practice for sure\u2026 pay attention Son.\u00a0 The first thing you do is raise your head and look at the sky!\u00a0 That\u2019s when the ladies take note of our golden coloured \u201cbib\u201d and it sets their hearts aflutter. Follow me boy, then you drop your head low first to one side, hold the pose, and then the other side, hold the pose\u2026 pretend you\u2019re checking under your wings for B.O.\u00a0 See?\u00a0 Why by the time I checked under my left wing your Mother\u2019s heart melted.<\/em>\u00a0 I could hear her panties sliding to the floor!\u00a0 That\u2019s just an expression Cortie!\u00a0 You payin\u2019 attention to me boy? {I see<\/em> there\u2019s a light on in the attic; but no one\u2019s home!<\/em>}<\/p>\n

PAIGE:\u00a0 <\/strong>Milton!\u00a0 What stories are you putting into our Son\u2019s head!\u00a0Cortland you pay your Father\u2019s stories no never mind!<\/p>\n

MILTON<\/strong>: <\/strong>Cortie, I see that your Mother has returned\u2026 \u00a0Paige, I hope you have brought our Son something to eat! He\u2019s a growing boy you know!\u00a0 I think I\u2019ll head out for a swim and grab a little squid for lunch\u2026 Remember Cortie\u2026 We\u2019re Emperor Penguins!\u00a0 Emperor Penguins I say!<\/em>\u00a0 We stand in a line with Caesar, Charlemagne, Napoleon, Kaiser Wilhelm and J. Edgar Hoover!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Emperor Penguins endure the harshest climate on earth\u2026 the Antarctic.\u00a0 The Penguins mate for life and share in caring for the single egg that is produced during the winter breeding season.\u00a0 After laying the egg, the female transfers the egg … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-996","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-ministry-of-jokes"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/996","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=996"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/996\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1000,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/996\/revisions\/1000"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=996"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=996"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/summerofjim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=996"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}