This has been in my inventory for many years… first told to me by my Brother-in-Law Alan. I took it off the shelf yesterday and shared it with someone with whom I regularly trade stories. Today he asked me for an abbreviated version of the joke. Can you imagine asking Leo Tolstoy to take out 200 pages of War and Peace? See my point?
But the guy is a good friend so I spent the better part of a day agonizing over what to trim. I have a desk full of drafts, and an ashtray full of cigarette butts in front of me. And I don’t even smoke! {I use the butts for inspiration… the great Anthony Burgess said he couldn’t write a word without a mountain of cigarette butts in front of him.} I cut this, I cut that. I changed tenses at least three time and in two places I modified the syntax… and I’m not even sure what syntax is! {When I was in the 8th Grade a classmate told me it had to do with a girl’s “moon time”, and here I thought it was a model name for a Chevy convertible}
I hesitate sending this joke to you in this condition… some of my best lines, parenthetical diversions and elaborate details have been omitted. But, as I say… he’s a friend!
*ach* What we do for our friends!
***
Sammie and Beckie have been married for 40 years… and lately Sammie has noticed a decline in Beckie’s enthusiasm in their lovemaking. Distraught over not satisfying the love of his life, he turned to someone he trusted for help… his Rabbi.
The Rabbi offered him some special prayers to say before their lovemaking. Which he dutifully did; but to no success.
He went to the Rabbi a second time and confessed that the prayers, although very special, didn’t work. Beckie was merely going thru the motions & he was heartsick.
The Rabbi, listened carefully, then excused himself to go into the adjacent bathroom and returned with a wash cloth.
“Samuel, I am giving you this very special cloth to which I have blessed using a unique prayer used by Solomon the Great. I want you to seek out a verile young male in our community and invite him to Sabbath dinner. After dinner have the young man join you and Rebecca in your bedroom. You say the prayer I have already given you, and while you are making love to your bride, let the young man wave this sacred cloth over you. Rebecca will weep tears of joy!”
Sammie did as told. Still no success.
Too embarrassed to go back to the Rabbi, Sammie looked at the young man and said, “You! Stay where you are! Don’t go anywhere! We’re going to do this one more time… but this time we’re switching positions! Give me that cloth!”
And with this, Sammie hops out bed, and grabs the towel from the young man. The young man assumes the position in the bed and soon Beckie is overcome, crooning and groaning and delight, “Oy, oy…. Yes! Yes!! Yeessss… 000h, so true!”
Sammie glares in amazement, “You see! YOU SEE!! THIS IS HOW YOU WAVE A TOWEL!!”