“But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,
Who is already sick and pale with grief,
That thou her maid art far more fair than she:
Be not her maid, since she is envious…”
“Aye me!”
“She speaks:
O, speak again, bright angel! for thou art
As glorious to this night…”
“O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo?”
“Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?”
“What man art thou that thus bescreen’d in night
So stumblest on my counsel?”
“By a name
I know not how to tell thee who I am:
My name, dear saint, is hateful to myself,
Because it is an enemy to thee;
Had I it written, I would tear the word.”
“How camest thou hither, tell me, and wherefore?
The orchard walls are high and hard to climb,
And the place death, considering who thou art,
If any of my kinsmen find thee here.”
“I have night’s cloak to hide me from their sight;
And but thou love me, let them find me here…”
“I hear some noise within; dear love, adieu!
Anon, good nurse! Sweet Montague, be true.
Stay but a little, I will come again.”
“O blessed, blessed night! I am afeard.
Being in night, all this is but a dream,
Too flattering-sweet to be substantial.”
“I come, anon –
A thousand times good night”
{Romeo, alarmed by the sound of the approaching Nurse, loses his grip of the balcony wall, and falls backwards to the gorse bush in the garden below. He passes out, sharp thorns covering his entire body— Romeo awakens}
“Me thinks I have seen this scene before.”
“Aye me!”
“She speaks:
O, speak again, bright angel! for thou art
As glorious to this night…”
“O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo?”
“Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?”
“What man art thou that thus bescreen’d in night
So stumblest on my counsel?”
“By a name
I know not how to tell thee who I am…”
“How camest thou hither, tell me, and wherefore?
The orchard walls are high and hard to climb,
And the place death, considering who thou art,
If any of my kinsmen find thee here.”
“Not your kinsman, it is the gorse bush I fear.”
“I hear some noise within; dear love, adieu!
Anon, good nurse! Sweet Montague, be true.
Stay but a little, I will come again.”
“O blessed, blessed night! I am afeard.
Being in night, all this is but a dream,
Or maybe a nightmare.”
“I come, anon –
A thousand times good night”
{Romeo, alarmed by the sound of the approaching Nurse, loses his grip of the balcony wall, and falls backwards to the gorse bush in the garden. He passes out, sharp thorns covering his entire body, even penetrating his cod piece — Romeo awakens}
“What pain is this?”
“Aye me!”
“She speaks:
O, speak again, bright angel!”
“O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo?”
“Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?”
“What man art thou that thus bescreen’d in night
So stumblest on my counsel?”
“By a name
I know not how to tell thee who I am…”
“How camest thou hither, tell me, and wherefore?
The orchard walls are high and hard to climb,
And the place death, considering who thou art,
If any of my kinsmen find thee here.”
“Pray wait while a change into a doublet of thicker cloth,
But for your sweet embrace and single kiss
I would endure a bed of thorns,
Still I must vouchsafe my personal parts…”
“I hear some noise within; dear love, adieu!
Anon, good nurse! Sweet Montague, be true.
Stay but a little, I will come again.”
“O blessed, blessed night! I am afeard.
If the gorse bush claims me again,
I may suffer injury that will prevent me from
Producing progeny.”
“I come, anon –
A thousand times good night”
{Romeo, alarmed by the sound of the approaching Nurse, loses his grip of the balcony wall, and falls backwards to the gorse bush in the garden below. Sharp thorns cover his entire body, he tries removing thorns from his manhood; but passes out in pain – Romeo awakens}
“Vex the gods! I own more thorns than the bush!”
“Aye me!”
“She speaks.”
“O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo?”
“Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?”
“What man art thou that thus bescreen’d in night
So stumblest on my counsel?”
“It is but Romeo, is thy nurse nearby?’
“How camest thou hither, tell me, and wherefore?
The orchard walls are high and hard to climb,
And the place death, considering who thou art,
If any of my kinsmen find thee here.”
“I have night’s cloak to hide me from their sight;
Although it is of no use should I end up in the gorse bush.
My fair, doth your family own property elsewhere?
Perhaps lacking a garden?
Failing that, perhaps you could move
Your suite to the ground floor?”
“I hear some noise within; dear love, adieu!
Anon, good nurse! Sweet Montague, be true.
Stay but a little, I will come again.”
“O blessed, blessed night! I am afeard.
Have your Nurse come to me should I fall.
She can attend to my personal parts
As I will be in need of more than one
Form of relief.”
“I come, anon –
A thousand times good night”
{Romeo, sneezes once, twice, thrice, loses his grip of the balcony wall, and falls backwards to the gorse bush in the garden below, gripped by the thorns, unable to move, he gives in to tortured sleep – Romeo awakens}
“What is the cause of this cursed dream that plagues me?
Maybe an undigested bit of beef,
A blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese,
A fragment of underdone potato?
Who comes?”
{Mercutio enters}
“Aye, not Capulet, nor kinsman, it is your friend Mercutio”
“Alas dear friend, dreams of the lovely Capulet maiden weigh heavy,
Help me shake these apparitions from my eye!”
“Perhaps this tale of two Elderly women
Staying at Grossingers will lighten your mind.
One says, ‘The food here is horrible.’
And the other rejoins,
‘And such small portions!’ “
“Hah-Hah! Well played! Let us off to the bawdy house!”
{Laughing, Romeo and Mercutio exit}
