The Ash Creek Papers

Hello my beautiful friends!  It’s such a beautiful day today that I thought it would be very nice to paint a terrific golf scene!  I love playing golf!  Why don’t you join me today?  We can choose to go to my fabulous Trump National in Bedminster, or maybe we can fly to Scotland and play my Turnberry?  Did you know that I own a course that is used for the British Open?  It’s true.  I own the most fantastic golf courses in the world.  No one else does! But this is your painting, so you choose!  Or, for fun why not design a new hole that’s perfect for us?

Let’s start by putting an elevated green over here on the far right side of the canvas. No big trees over here, I want a clear line of sight when I approach the green.  On the far left let’s put in some thick waist high rough.  There, that looks good.  Oh, and surprise!  There is poor Nancy Pelosi in the weeds!  It will take her two weeks to get out of there!  Hah, hah, hah!  You know how you can tell it’s Nancy?  Because she is wearing horrible looking clothes!  A disgrace!  Typical!  But look, she’s not alone!  There is a 20 foot python that hasn’t eaten in six months that is approaching her!  Won’t she be surprised!

I can tell this is already well on the way to being a spectacular painting.  Really.  Let’s put my ball 10 feet from the cup.  Probably a “gimme”.  Over here on the fringe, on the lower level of the green, 75 feet from the pin, let’s put Lindsay Graham’s ball. Oooops!  I just accidently kicked it into the sand trap!  Too bad… his ball is half buried in an infestation of sand fleas.  Very sad.

It’s such a gorgeous day, don’t you agree.  I love being outdoors and playing golf.  All this exercise can work up an appetite!  I think it’s time for a snack, don’t you?  Before I tap in my putt for an eagle, let’s put down our brushes and take a break!

Ahhhhh!  My favorite light snack.  Two delicious Big Mac’s, a McChicken and a cold Diet Coke! Real American food! Perfect!  Did you know when Premier Putin comes for a visit I always order-in McDonald’s for him.  It’s his favorite, too. He loves the vanilla shake the best!  He puts some Stoli in it (which I don’t approve of).  But he is our guest!  He says that it makes the shake a “White Russian.”  He always laughs at that!  He has such a great sense of humor.  Very funny guy.  He told me that Lenin hates the White Russians!  And then he laughs hysterically!  Whatta guy! But I had to remind him that John Lennon is dead! Do you know how I know?  Because I got an “A” in American History in the Third Grade.  And Betsy DeVos told me that it was an Advanced Placement Course and I was the only one in the class to get an “A”.  You can ask her… she has all the transcripts.

OK, let’s put the finishing touches on this beautiful painting.  We have to put the Club House over here.  And Barack Hussein Obama and his type aren’t permitted!  Neither is Chuck Shumer and his people!  Sorry!  This is a Club for real Americans!  We’ll let Mitch McConnell and Mike Pence in as locker room attendants! Hah, hah, hah!  And over here let’s put up some signs “Prestigious Lots for Sale”.You know what’s missing in our painting?  Puffy white clouds!  Let’s put a few over here.  You can put your clouds whereever you want.  Remember, this is your painting!  I’m going to put a small black dot over by this cloud.  Do you know what it is?  It’s a Lockheed Martin F-16 Fighting Falcon armed with Sidewinder Missiles that are trained on the sand trap! It’s gonna be a bad day for Lindsay!

There!  A sensational painting! Don’t you agree?  But where are you?  I can fix that!  Send me a donation of $10,000 and you can put your ball 11 feet from the cup, and for an extra two grand I can get Rudy Giuliani to carry your bag! (But don’t tip him heavy!  I don’t want him to get a swelled head!)

Well, there it is! I hope that this was as much fun for you as it was for me! Remember… your painting is not as good as mine. And thank you for your wonderful support and for joining me on such a magnificent day!