With the extinction of the dinosaurs the world moved into the Age of Mammals. The diversification of animal life was stunning in the Miocene Epoch, readying the stage for the appearance of Homo habilis in the Pliocene and continuing thru to the Pleistocene with the flourishing of megafauna.
Huge beavers, magnificent elk, unearthly flightless birds, over sized bears, camels, mammoths, rhinos & carnivores… all roamed the land. The lagest land mammal on earth was the Indricotherium (Matzoris major). Fossil remains first discovered in Baluchistan put the size of this gigantic herbivore at 16 feet tall, with a length of 27 feet and an estimated weight of 15 tons.
Compared to the Indricotherium, our present day elephant would look like a mere pup. How would you like to have to feed it? Or clean up after it? These are the type of questions my Grandmother would have raised. And she was no Natural Historian.
Mommie Soph, my Grandmother for those that are not in the know, was a practical woman. If an animal wasn’t a pet, then it was how many does it serve? I reckon that an average sized Indricotherium could feed a good sized condo complex.
My Grandmother was a crafty person. How many female butchers do you know? Kosher butchers at that! I could see her now, the wholesaler delivering the front end of the Indricotherium (the hind end would have been trayf — non-kosher), and she would roll up her sleeves preparing to section off 200lbs of flank steak, 500lbs of brisket… and that would just be the beginning.
Indricotheriums are well and good; but I think she would have had a greater interest in the smaller and more manageable “cousin” of this herbivore: Matzoris minor. Coming in the Holocene Epoch, the Indricotherium had evolved into a smaller more nimble beast.
At their peak, herds of Matzoris covered Europe from the Russian Steppe, thru the Hungarian Plain all the way to Central France. Thses peaceful grazers were plentiful, slow and dumb and they fell victim to carnivores and early man. There is evidence that suggests that Sabertooth Cats killed them for sport and not for hunger need.
Early humans could not afford to be so friviolous… Each Matzoris was a prize for a family or clan. Evidence found in the Caves of Lascaux and detailed in the famous Cave Frescoes show elaborate hunting parties engaged in killing the beasts. There were scenes depicting its uses after slaughter, and even noted a few basic recipes.
There is much to learn from Cro-Magnon’s interaction with nature and the natural world. The fur of the Matzoris would be used for cloaks or as decorative throws. The hollowed skull would be used to bathe infants, the unique nine rib rib-cage would be converted into a quasi light fixture burning small amounts of Matzoris oil for fuel.
The most cherished part of the slaughtered Matzoris was the male’s testicles. Its use in ceremonial meals is well documented. It symbolized male strength and virility, and only a select few could partake in the heady broth that would be prepared.
The shaman would invoke sacred blessings and would beseech the Gods to continue the line of the clan. Then the leader of the hunt (called the Matzoris Maven) would be honored with a generous portion. A circle of the clan would then be formed, dance with hands joined and held high, and the greatness of the Matzoris would be proclaimed.
After… the parents of the honoree would have to clean up.
Sadly, the Matzoris are nearly extinct. The Przewalski Forest in Poland holds the last remaining Matzoris in the wild. Unfortunately, the local population is notorious for hunting down the bucks seeking their testicles. The testicles are dried, crushed to powder and added to Mott’s apple sauce, or, in some extreme cases, infused in solidified chicken fat and applied to a bridegroom’s male “member” on his wedding night.
Although not as effective the synthesized version of this delicacy is readily available… it appears in countless establishment and homes where it is made into a ceremonial soup following the recipe found in Lascaux… you know this dish as Matzoh Ball Soup.
Tasty. Not quite extinct. Enjoy.