I have been advised…

How do you know if you have them?  And even if you have them, you have to rely on others to give you an idea as to their quality.  And the folks who do the reporting always seem to have an agenda… some sort of complaint that probably colours their appreciation of a good snore

You may think it is easy to get a good snore.  I am here to tell you that a good snore is not easy to come by.  You have to know where to look for them.  Growing up in New Haven, we had access to a wonderful produce market on Whalley Avenue: Margie’s.   It is the only market I know of, that a person wasn’t allowed to pick out their own fruits and vegetables.  Margie would take each patron thru their needs selecting the proper plum or ear of corn that she thought was worthy.  End of story.  When Mommie Soph or my Mom would go there, I would have to remain close at heel lest I get to close to the produce display… and maybe touch something.

Mom would pay close attention to what looked good… and sometimes Margie would point to a basket over by the root vegetables… perhaps she had just received in some fresh snores… and Mom couldn’t resist… she would pick up a dozen or so for my Dad.  Then on Sundays Dad would always take a couple with him to enjoy on the couch while trying to watch some golf or an inning or two of a baseball ball game.  My Dad was also a notorious kitchen raider… and late at night when he would hit the fridge for a snack… he would always grab a handful of snores to take back up to bed.

Sadly… Margie’s market is no more.  Sure there are a few mail-order places that feature snores… usually the same places that sell rhino horn powder and dried snail slime.  There are some “pre-packaged” frozen snores that you can get at Costco… but they have had chemicals added as a preservative.  Some “specialty markets” get small amounts of imported snores; but they are priced to “Mars” and are usually weak and lack character.

I have had to make do.  But… more than one person has advised me that I do “just fine” with what I have been able to secure.  A few “engines at idle”, a couple of “hums of a spring day”, several “blast-offs”, a “flupper riffle” here and there, and even an occasional “ripper with a drool” (if I can find them).

But I don’t like leaving these things to chance.  You know… why go running around at the last minute looking for something to add necessary commentary to a dream.  And where would we be without our dreams?  Those extraordianry flights to the impossible and the disjointed?  Opportunities to visit again with folks who have moved to the other side of the river… Dreams are important and so are the accompanying snoring punctuation marks.  You see… I know this, even if you don’t.  Forgive me for sounding braggy; but I think my snores are great. 

On the other hand.  Some folks are lacking in the snoring arts.  Their snores fall short in the grace and elegance department… unlike those of us who were lucky enough to acquire “Margie quality” snores in their youth.  It’s true… you can’t get good snores in Brooklyn, ‘ferinstance.  *tsk, tsk*.  Brooklyn snores have volume… and little else.  Sorry.

Sandy and I have gone over this at considerable length.  And we have agreed to no longer leave this up to chance.  We have just pulled up the soy beans we planted last year (I can’t stand tofu and can’t understand why I let Sandy talk me into it in the first place) and we have just put in a small grove of snore trees. The trees are cuttings from the famous Darbing Forest in Srilanka and take very well to a variety of soil types.  We have also purchased 60 acres in the Litchfield Hills that offer key southern exposure for the limousin clones that we will plant for the winter crop.  This will give us year ’round access to snores and will make us independent of market availablity.

We are also planning on building a great house there so that we can offer gracious entertainments on the grounds of our plantation… and folks will be able to purchase snores… then stroll thru the groves, find a cozy hammock, a chaise lounge or just put out a blanket on the lawn and sample fresh, native, natural snores.  Nothing finer!

Fair warning… I have also been advised that I tend to be a bit greedy when it comes to snores.  I like to hoard them and not share… well they are so satisfying.  So… the next time you drop by, and if I am so engaged… I suggest that you take what you can get.  Don’t worry… I’ll understand.

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