These Are The Facts!

FACT: Gaius Julius Caesar was murdered on March 15, 44 BCE… the Ides of March.

FACT: Caesar was forewarned about his impending doom by a soothsayer.

FACT:  The soothsayer did not have a union card.

FACT:  The soothsayer did not have a valid permit and tax stamp that would allow him to sooth within Rome’s city limits.

SIDEBAR OBSERVATION: Caesar’s lack of precaution is perfectly understandable. Why would Caesar heed the warning from someone who did not have a valid license to practice his craft in Rome?

FACT: Caesar was feared and hated by the nobility and Senators of Rome (calling to mind the plight of Captain Alfred Dreyfus).

FACT:  Caesar wouldn’t eat a ham sandwich, and he did not ride in a chariot on Saturday’s.

FACT:  Caesar’s father was a money lender.

FACT:  Caesar’s birth name… Goniff Julius Kaiserwitz

FACT:  Caesar was bald and had a big nose.

FACT:  Although guilty of megalomania, Caesar’s murder was a “hate crime” perpetrated by a cabal of loyalist anti-Semites who carried out their murderous activities after learning of Caesar’s true Jewish heritage (calling to mind the plight of Julius Rosenberg).

These are the Facts!

A preview of the next installment of “These Are the Facts!”

FACT: The name on Barack Obama’s birth certificate: Benjamin Abramson (as if we couldn’t have guessed!)

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