It’s About the Bubbles

Perhaps you have heard me say, “you don’t have to be launching a battleship to open a bottle of Champagne.” It’s true, too many folks are caught up in popping the cork only if a celebration is on hand.

So be it… if you insist. Here are a few things to celebrate… I made the traffic light at Exit 17 on I-84, or I got the right change at Starbucks on Westport Ave, or I am wearing my favorite martini print boxer shorts. You see… lotsa reasons to sip some Champagne and celebrate! You get the idea…

I am reminded of lessons I learned from my parents. When I was 12 my Father told me to “buy low, sell high”. At the same age my Mother told me “pearls go with everything”. Sound thinking, on both accounts.

Friends, the way I figure it: Champagne is liquid pearls. Champagne goes with everything… it’s always appropriate… anytime of the year, anytime of the day. Serve it on New Years morning for breakfast with eggs benedict… serve 364 days later at midnight to bring in the New Year. And importantly, serve it countless times in between.

It’s simple really… bubbles bring festivity to our lives, it transforms the ordinary into the special, it adds expression to our eyes and a smile to our demeanor. If you don’t enjoy Champagne it’s probably because you are either six feet under or because you haven’t found the right one yet.

We are in the season when Champagne is most popular. This is not a mirage. Even if you don’t enjoy Champagne, you’re at least aware of its presence. So I thought it would be in keeping with the spirit of the season to supply a “mini primer” on the subject.

First, Champagne is a very specific district in France. Only grapes that grown within that delimited region produce sparkling wine entitled to be called “Champagne”. What can I say? The French are a fussy people.

Second, In Champagne the two most important grapes are Pinot Meunier and Pinot Noir… both black grapes. Chardonnay grapes will also be used in the blend for most Champagne. If a Champagne only uses white grapes (or Chardonnay) it is called Blanc de Blancs.

Third, Sparkling wine from Germany is called Sekt and sparkling wine from Spain is called Cava. In Italy, the country that both produces and drinks more wine than any other, the most consumed “wine” is sparkling Prosecco. Italians drink Prosecco in the morning, at lunch, before dinner & after, late at night, and on the way back from the “john” at 3:00AM. They drink Prosecco in glasses, in flutes, in tea cups, coffee mugs, old jelly jars and wooden ladles. In fact, it is safe to say that Italians drink more Prosecco than we drink still water. It is clear that Italians know how to celebrate living.

Fourth, If you don’t like Champagne it is probably because you have only tried French Brut Champagne. Give Cava or Prosecco a test drive. The grapes used are lighter, more flavourful and possess a softer bubble.

Fifth, Serve Champagne cold… very cold. Serve it in a slender flute (the saucer glass went out with the cigarette holder). Although somewhat irregular, I would try some from a ladies slipper if the circumstances were favorable.

Sixth, Don’t burp… don’t ever burp. Don’t suppress a burp either. If you have to, run out of the room or jump out of the window.

Seventh, If you’re toasting the Queen, take a quick sip and heave the glass into the fireplace. If you’re toasting you’re mother, take a healthy gulp and say, “I am sorry I don’t call more often.”

Eighth, With Champagne, bottle size counts! Champagne is available in large format bottles. Below is a list of bottles, their name, their volume and the origin of the name. If nothing else, this will give you instant credibility and will provide you with a convenient entree to polite society.

Magnum… 1.5 Ltr: an alternative form of address for a Roman Senator

Jeroboam… 3 Ltr: a hold in Grecco-Roman wrestling

Rehoboam… 4.5 Ltr: a precursor of the cod piece

Methuselah…6 Ltr: the Macedonian Goddess of the Panty Raid

Salmanazar… 9 Ltr: a Persian sailing vessel

Balthazar… 12 Ltr: a bigger and more impressive Persian sailing vessel

Nebuchadnezzer… 15 Ltr: a Hittite war lord who didn’t have a sober day after the age of 7

Gantsamegillah… 75 Ltr: only one known bottle was ever blown. It was mounted on a flatbed railway car and brought to the front by the Germans as “bait” during the siege of Verdun.

Well… there it is: Champagne — one of the three essential staffs of life (the others being good oysters and New York cheesecake). Go and enjoy… have a Happy & a Merry.

 

p.s. About the “lessons” from my Mom & Dad… I made that up, although I like the sound of it (my children… please take note). Most of the other stuff written here is accurate.

This entry was posted in Wine. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *