MOST KIND AND GRACIOUS SIR OR MADAME:
You do not know me (and then again maybe you do)… I learned of your kind existance through the miracles of the Internet and know you to be a kind, honest and most gracious human being who I can immediately trust with the most important and vital information.
It is a secret that has come into my possesion through my most esteemed and reverred father who has recently meant a most untimely demise. My Father of blessed memory was praying for world peace in a Holy Church when a Wurlitzer Organ fell on his head.
But before this most startling and unfortunate incident he shared with me the source of all great success which has been handed down from father to son for 100 generations in our family. And most kind and dear peerson (and I know that you are a God loving soul from all that is contained in the internet), I was most looking forward to handing this amazing formula to my sons forever and forever. And indeed, the pride of my loins would have received such said information and valuable instruction; but he was the victim of a beastly assault in bowling emporium, when an iritated sportsman, upset at missing a crucial spare in the 9th frame threw a bowling ball in a rage, not down the lane where it belonged; but rather into my son’s head… a mere 4′ away. The accident has left my son, and only heir in a coma lying there in an expensive hospital bed looking forward to a life of a persimmon.
And most kind and dear HUMAN BEING, that I know you to be, because of the most extensive and exhaustive reserach that I have done becauce of the wonderful world of the internet, I face insurmountable medical bills of the most dreadful and despicable sort… trying to sustain the dear and precisous LIFE of my son, who lies in a room without a window or view to sustain a part of him.
I must turn to you for help and valuable guidance and support. I only do so because of the due dilgence I have done on your character and know you to be a most sincere and caring human being.
My present medical bills and assorted other debts amount to $1,643,851.32 (in UNited States money). Every day the bill increses its ghastly sum, because the HOSPITAL says that it is doing the best for my lovely son and my only heir. So by the time you read this note, and arrange for the necessary financing and transfers lets call the amount of which I am in need a round $5,000,000.
While I know that you are a most kind and goodly hUamn being, with the highest regard and standing in your most dear community, I do not expect your wonderful efforts and generosity to come without reward or compensation. It is my most sincere desire and intention to give you the treasured secret for success that was given to me by my dear departed FATHER and his father before him (ad infinitum). This secret for ultimate success and untold wealth, which would have been given to my son and only heir if he did not look like a slice of pepperoni pizza, or to other sons if I had not tragically lost my penis in a boating accident making it impossible for me to produce additional heirs, I wish you to have. It is my fervent desire for you to put this special information to good use and only use it to create additional wealth so that you can enjoy a wonderful life and share your wonderful new happiness with all the needy people in the world.
It is easy for me to give you this because I know you are not greedy, but kind and supportive and generous (maybe to a fault), and I know this from the all knowing internet. And as a signal of utmost trust and faith which I have in you I am going to produce this ultimate secret for success and heavenly wealth in this letter before the transfer of funds to my numbered SWISS account. This is because I love you as a human being and trust you, and I know from all my research on the internet that you will not betray that trust.
THE SECRET OF MY FATHER, AND ALL THE FATHERS BEFORE HIM: BUY LOW, SELL HIGH… TELL NO ONE ELSE!!!
I am thanking you in advance, I remain respectfully and devotedly yours for the rest of my humble life,
Ipschwag Mnguni Cohen
swiss acct #04366703