{At the dinning table. George Patton, age 8}
The adults always talk… they don’t even know I’m here! I hate this dinner. The meatloaf was fine; but when is mother going to learn that I hate mixed veggies! Men eat meat! We’re warriors! Maybe I can organize the veggies into a proper force. Let’s separate them first. The green beans here. The corn here. On this side the peas, and over here the carrots. Hey! I think I have something!
We’ll put the string beans in echelon here… that’s the Roman Infantry. The corn will represent of the Roman Cavalry on the flanks here and here. Hah! The Army of Rome under the command of the Consuls Lucius Aemilius Paullus and Gais Terentius Varro await the Army of Carthage by the River Aufidus and near the Village of Cannae! A force of 87,000 getting ready to send Hannibal and the Army of Carthage to meet their maker!
On this side, the peas will be Hannibal‘s Infantry and on the flanks the carrots will be Hannibal‘s Cavalry with a cohort of War Elephants! Yeah! His Army was outnumbered by two to one. Was Hannibal worried? No! In your face Varro! The action begins.
The first mistake… the Roman Infantry is in echelon and put a front the same size as the smaller Carthaginian force. Let’s move these green beans into the center of the peas. Hannibal put his weakest units in his center! I hate peas. The peas hold their formation; but begin to yield their position as the green beans begin their advance… the green beans begin to form an arc inside the pea formation.
Hannibal senses the opportunity to strike the weaker Roman Cavalry on the southern flank of the green beans. The carrots fall on the corn and cut them to ribbons.
{He mashes a few nibblets of corn into the plate and picks up a few nibblets and eats them. The grown-ups gab away}
The southern flank of the Roman Infantry is exposed as the Carthaginian Cavalry turns the line. And the peas at the edge of the arc begin to tear into the green bean formation, too. Meanwhile Hannibal‘s Cavalry to the North also begins to decimate the corn there, as well.
{More corn is eaten, and two green beans}
A classic double envelopment is under way, with the Cavalry, having dispatched of the corn, is ready to hit the green beans from the rear. The beans, still outnumber the peas and the carrots; but are compressed into tight quarters and can’t maneuver. A slaughter is on the way! The entire Roman force is wiped out…
{Begins eating green beans one by one}
Not a Roman soldier is left standing! Hannibal has just routed a numerically superior force, and handed Rome its greatest defeat! The Battle of Cannae will go down as one of the greatest battles in history!!
“George!! What on earth are you doing?! You know better than to play with your food!”
“Mother… war is hell!“
“George… go to your room.”
