“It’s your turn.”
“OK. Let’s see… a Fascist Dictator, a Lerner and Lowe Musical & an ungulate.”
Pardon me. I should explain. I have known Raymond Bellaga since we were little kids. Best friends. And that lasted thru my divorce, and Raymond marrying my ex-wife. Nothing can destroy our friendship… not even an ex-wife.
As long as we have lived within 150 miles of each other, we meet for lunch on the third Friday of each month… unless the Friday falls on a holiday. The choice of location alternates as does the financial sponsor. One person chooses the venue, the other guy picks up the check. It has worked out smoothly once we got beyond the game of trying to stick the other guy with a check the size of the National Debt.
The it’s your turn, in this case, didn’t refer to the choice of restaurant, or who had to take out his wallet. Rather it referred to a mental game we have engaged in since forever. Well… at least since High School. I’ll tell you how it all started.
In the summer between our Junior and Senior years, we spent a lot of time on the beach in Woodmont. We both loved the beach, water and the sport of acquiring a serious tan. Most of all, we loved to talk. We talked about everything, and talked non-stop. Or so it appeared. Even after a topic had been exhausted, there would be only the most brief pause before the next topic would be engaged. We could spend hours in this manner… moving between sea and sand; but never letting the thread of the conversation drop. The only break being if a great looking girl came into view… and then it was a matter of skill to somehow incorporate her presence into our subject manner.
One day the matter on the table for discussion was desserts.
Raymond noted, “the dessert of perfection is cheesecake. It has all the key ingredients. Simplicity. Texture. Flavour. And it is adaptable. You can add strawberries, blueberries, cherries… any fruit topping and you transform the dessert from a ‘dry’ dessert to a ‘wet’ dessert.”
“Cheesecake? Yes. Fruit? No. You can’t violate the cheesecake with additives. Would you guild a rose? Besides, for a dessert to be excellent you have to be able to comfortably have room for a second portion, and the fruit would get in the way. Anyway… that’s the way cheap restaurants serve it… with syrupy fruit.”
“Hey! Doesn’t that look like Marcie?”
“Marcie? That girl looks like a pear. Marcie’s not built like that.”
“OK. Match a girl from our class with a dessert.”
“That’s easy. Naomi and tropical fruit salad.”
“Nah. That doesn’t work. It has to be lemon meringue pie. Definitely. Naomi and lemon meringue pie!”
“How’d you figure?”
“Well… Naomi has that great smile. It’s like the smile pushes her face up high on to her cheek bones and then it brightens her eyes, and then even her curls seem to lighten. It’s like the sun is out. Happy, like. And that’s definitely lemon meringue pie. It’s a happy dessert, no? Look, you have those peaks of meringue, each tipped in tan… you know, like the sun has given them just a little colour. Then you have that pretty lemon yellow. That’s like a smile. I love the smooth texture. So soft; but firm. Tell me… Naomi has to be soft and firm! And then there is the taste: sweet and tart. Tell me that’s not Naomi! Quod erat demonstrandum!”
“That’s pretty good good. Your Mom makes great lemon meringue. What happens if we add something?”
“You mean you want more than soft and firm?”
“No, you idiot! I mean, associating two different things is sorta easy. Anybody can do that. The real test is adding a third element. Like: a girl from our class, a dessert and a State Bird.”
“A State Bird? You’re crazy! Who knows State Birds… besides the Bald Eagle?”
“Please… the Bald Eagle is our National Symbol… it’s not a State Bird. Come on… the State Bird of Connecticut is the Robin!”
“Fine. Can you name any other State Bird?”
“How ’bout the Mosquito and New Jersey?”
“See! Even you can’t come up with anything other than the Robin!”
“True. But it works, I just lucked out. Naomi, lemon meringue pie and the Robin. Robin red breast. Breast? Naomi has great breasts. See? Now that’s a perfect association!”
“Yeah, you lucked out alright! You just like Naomi’s breasts!”
And that’s how it all began. On a tiny patch of beach we invented a “game” that would keep us amused for the next 40 years. Coming up with the topics, which was the real fun part, would be the responsibility on an alternating basis. Invariably the game would pop up as a “fill”… when there would be a quiet, or a lull. But, and this is important, if it was your turn you were expected to have the three elements immediately prepped to plug the gap… otherwise you would risk an I’m waiting!, and if that wasn’t hint enough: it’s your turn.
One more item before we return to our story. You were judged on the quality of the element combination. If you offered a “bullshit” combination, you would suffer a serious rebuke. There was the time that I came up with a farm implement, an Academy Award winning Best Supporting and a lineman from the Colts 1958 Championship Team.
“Bzzzzzzzzt! Penalty! You know the rules… not more than one human! And, I am also assessing an unsportsmanlike conduct for selecting your damn Colts again. This is the third time, and that’s total bullshit! And I am going to fine you $.50 for lack of creativity. If happens again you might get suspended. Now, I’m going to hit the john, when I return you better have something new to offer!”
See what I mean about a rebuke? Talk about pressure! I learned my lesson, though. I didn’t even use the Colts last year when they won the Super Bowl!
Over the years we’ve had some pretty incredible combinations.
“Fascist Dictator, Lerner & Lowe and an Ungulate?”
“Yeah. And you can’t use Adolph. You’ve already used him for bad mustaches.”
“OK. I’m ready. Juan Peron, My Fair Lady and a camel.”
“Explain.”
“Well, you said I couldn’t use Hitler. I knew I should have used Janet Reno for bad mustaches. And I didn’t want to use the obvious… like Mussolini. Peron seemed like a sophisticated choice. I couldn’t use Evita for the musical because that was Andrew Lloyd Webber. But My Fair Lady seemed to work because Juan had to deal with Eva, and Professor Higgins had to deal with Eliza Doolittle. And the camel has to work because what lady doesn’t want a Camel’s Hair overcoat! Q.E.D.!”
“Brilliant Ray. Really. One of your best!”
“Does that mean that I don’t have to pay today?”
“Absolutely not. One has nothing to do with the other! But instead of ordering the 3LB lobster and a bottle of Montrachet… I’ll give you a break and order the ragout of venison and a Clos des Papes.”
“You’re a true pal.”
“Oh, one more thing… it’s your turn.”