I wonder if there is a numismatist lobby. There must be… and I think it must be as powerful (if not more so) than the tobacco lobby.
I envision a collection of old men, gathered in leathered private studies, wearing thread bare cardigans, wisps of pipe smoke curling below shaded desk lamps, magnifying glasses in hand, peering at a perfect 1909 SVDB. You can hear their low murmur of satisfaction.
And if they are not old men… they are well on that path.
Make no mistake… this is a cabal… and they are well organized!
How else can you explain all this messing around with our currency?
Our paper money now has pretty colours! Terrific! Now we have money nearly as pretty as Canada’s. And let’s face it… do we really take Canadian money seriously! Of course not! It looks like Monopoly money forGodsakes! Go ahead… put down two “C” notes to pay a tab in London or Paris and they will ask you, “Do you want the Reading or Pennsylvania Railroad?”
And dollars to donuts, it was all those ancient coin collectors who were the inspiration in changing the reverse side of our 25 cent piece. And then, like a pack of cowards, they hide their surreptitious activities by cloaking it in State’s pride. Shallow camouflage if you ask me!
I was willing to let all this pass… ’til today!
After I got back from obtaining a Diet Coke at Chez Maheesh, I put my change into a spare wine glass reserved for that specific purpose. BUT WHAT WAS THIS? That rat Maheesh slipped a French Franc or an Austrian Pfennig into my change! That wretched cur! Where’s my nickel? Maybe I have to peel the sides of this coin to get to the chocolate?
But NO! This appears to be legal U.S. tender! (forgive me Maheesh for calling you a cur!)
But unlike our quarter, which retained the handsome and dignified image of our First President, only changing the less important side that featured our Eagle (and Lord knows we have depictions of the Eagle all over the place)… But this new nickel? Both sides are disfigured!
I noticed the “reverse” side first. A lovely sea side scene in relief, with the following caption: “Ocean in view! O the joy!” I’m warm to the sentiment… I love the water. Then I read the writing along the rim which pays tribute to the Lewis & Clark expedition to the Pacific. Fine… but haven’t these guys been honored in stamps before. Don’t they have Elementary Schools named after them?
Obviously those damned numismatists weren’t satisfied!
But that’s not what revolted me! It was the primary face of the coin. Specifically, the image of our Third President and great Patriot, Thos. Jefferson (and yes, he slept around). Or I should say it was the off-center representation of TJ. You know… maybe the engraver made an oops? Or maybe he or she got paid by the “coin collector’s cabal”?
Maybe it is not even the profile of Jefferson; but rather a side view of Jay Leno! How repugnant is this?
Now you know why I am biting mad!
If we’re going to take Jefferson off the nickel (after all, he did sleep around), then the choice should have been Johnny Carson, not Jay Leno… or maybe Johnny Carson as Carnac the Great.
Still, I am looking at a nickel that looks like a Kopeck… hell it feels like a Kopeck!
And who is responsible for this travesty? That’s what I want to know!
Well… I could make some sort of fuss about this being a product of an unfortunate Republican Administration (it’s so easy being a Partisan these days).
But no… this is clearly the fault of those guys cloistered in those paneled studies deep in SOHO… in league with other guys in paneled studies across this great land… a bunch of guys who would prefer to look at coins rather than spend them.
Watch out folks! These guys are dangerous and they are taking our currency out of circulation. It’s not good! It’s like McDonald’s hoarding beef and taking meat out of circulation.
Changing our nickel? I object!
I think I am going to take a sip of Kentucky’s best and think this thru…
Now that I think of it… our Eagle is getting a bit tired looking… no? Wasn’t it our great Statesman & Inventor (and Ladies man) Ben Franklin who proposed that our National Emblem should be the Wild Turkey? And I am not one to argue with someone as great as Ben…
Yeah… Wild Turkey!
And… “Kelly… while you’re there… I think I could use another dram of Wild Turkey.”
Wild Turkey… what a stately bird.