The Wide Staircase

When I was a kid I slept anywhere… at anytime. I would run around non-stop, going hither and yon, inventing imaginary games against imaginary adversaries… and when the physical activity or mental exercise exhausted me… I would curl up somewhere and grab a few winks.

It could have been under the dinning room table, behind the wing chair in the living room… wherever my adventure transported me last. This could prove vexing to Mom or Mommie Soph who could become concerned as to my where abouts.

But sometimes a nap would take place in a more “public place”… something in clearer view… like our staircase.

Our house on Alston Ave. was a “center hall Dutch colonial”. We had a center hall both up stairs and down. From the hall on the first floor there was a staircase up, a landing between the two floors, and then another staircase up to the hall on the second floor.

The landing had a good size window that afforded a fine view of our back yard… and in the morning the sun would project its warmth first on the landing itself, and then on the stairs up to the second floor hall.

Back then we had two Bedlington Terriers: Baa Baa and Rocky. When they weren’t busy peeing on our living room drapes and furniture, or barking at Dukie Gordon the Springer Spaniel from next door, they would catch some snooze time in the various “sun spots” in our home.

Depending on the season, the prime “sun spot” in mid-to-late morning would have been on the landing, and/or the adjoining stairs.

Maybe the dogs had been part of my imaginary adventure that day… who knows? But somehow my escapade brought me to the landing, and there was Rocky snoozed out, dead center in the sun spot. Maybe I was feeling the chill of winter and the warmth of the sun was calling to me, as well…

The sun in its path now cast its warmth on the stairs, too, and I positioned myself across the length of the second stair… arms tucked in beneath me to conserve warmth.

Soon the advantage of location passed from Rocky to me; but the both of us were soon lost to sleep… Rocky exhausted from taking a dump behind the wing chair, and me from dodging a German machine gun emplacement.

Yes… I could sleep anywhere. But a stair in a sun spot is not just anywhere! It’s prime territory to the napping cognoscenti… whether they sport four legs or two.

Somehow the length and width of that stair was a perfect fit. It was a wide stair, and I didn’t have to compress my length to enjoy the kiss of the sun’s warmth.

Yeah, I was a short kid… but that stair was wide.

They don’t make stairs like that anymore.

Yes, we get taller… we get older; but it doesn’t change the need… sometimes in life we still need a wide staircase and some sun.

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Why I Write

I write for my kids, and maybe their kids… or for folks who know me, or who want to know me.

My big brother Paul has a line, “we are but a blink of an eye before the Supreme.” I don’t know the origin of the line, I would like to think that he crafted it… regardless, I love that line.

Our time here is brief.

But our words and thoughts endure.

I have no money, no great wealth beyond these words.

I leave my children, and their children, my words…

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A Hallmark Moment

Maybe it is because TV Commercials bear the brunt of our animus about watching network TV (those repeated interruptions to watching what we really want to see) that we tend to overlook the concise creativity that can be contained in 60 seconds or less.

Sometimes we have to tip our hat… because there can be more creativity in that single minute than can be found in an hour of the show we thought was going to be special.

Hallmark Cards I think has done a very good job of projecting moods and sentiment in their 60 second stories. I guess this makes sense… their business, after all, is transistorizing ideas into a brief verse or a quick tag line.

I don’t know when I first saw this commercial… but it goes back some, although I think they might take this Commercial down “off the shelf” this time of the year and put it back into play… I am not sure about this, I watch so little TV these days.

But the Ad always hit the right chord for me…

Picture a den, or perhaps a cozy living room… it’s in the evening, the glow of low lamps and the fire lit in the hearth creating a warmth for the room… Mother is at the piano, or father (or some other adult)… and there facing into a room is a small boy, hair neatly combed… an angelic quality to his voice…

Oh Holy Night!

The Stars are brightly shining

It is the night of our Savior’s birth!

We pan around the room… we see other family members, Grandparents, too… all there on the gathering of an important evening…

Fall on your knees

Oh hear the angel voices

Oh night divine

Then, unknown to the little boy, the door to the outside opens and in comes in a young adult… perhaps he takes off his coat and positions himself in back of the little boy and joins in perfect “college glee club” harmony…

Led by the light of Faith serenely beaming

With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand

So led by light of a star sweetly gleaming

The little boy allows himself to turn to catch sight of his big brother returned home for the Holidays.

Yes, it was a “Hallmark Moment” for me. Paul is 11 years my senior… what I judge to be the gap between the two brothers in the commercial…

So I could have been 9 or 10… and Paul would come home from Union and Lynn would come home from Western College for Women… and I would feel excited, and whole again, just like the little boy in the Hallmark commercial.

It is a compelling time of the year… a time to enjoy shared times present and past… and to look to times future… to new stories and additions to our family circles.

Best wishes to you all…

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Gentile Jokes

Yes, yes I know what you’re thinking. This is going to be another tasteless excursion in poking fun at people. Stop right there! Ethnic humor is at the core of what sends us into hysteria.

Ethnic humor traces its origins to the Bible. When Moses returned from his chat with you-know-who on Mount Sinai, armed with the Commandments, he told the recalcitrant Hebrews, “settle down, settle down… I have good news and bad news. The good news is that I have talked Him down to Ten… the bad news is Adultery is still in.”

The rest, as the say, is history. Today we have jokes about everybody. Even Republicans.

I have recently acquired a few gems that are variations on the theme… quickies that were originally found in the chapter on Jewish Jokes in America.

It helps if you have heard the originals…

If you don’t find these funny… don’t worry about it, you’ll have some company (probably the entire town of Darien).

Here goes…

 

A Gentile goes into a clothing store and says, “This is a very fine jacket. How much is it?”

The Salesman replies, “It’s $500.”

The Gentile says, “OK. I’ll take it.”

**********

Two Gentiles meet on the street. The first one says, “You own your own business, don’t you? How’s it going?”

The other Gentile replies, “Just great! Thanks for asking!”

**********

Two Gentile mothers meet on the street and and start talking about children.

Gentile mother #1 says with pride, “My son is a construction worker!”

Gentile mother #2 says (with more pride), “My son is a truck driver!”

***********

A Gentile man calls his mother and says, “Mother, I know you’re expecting me for dinner this evening, but something important has come up and I can’t make it.”

His mother says, “OK.”

***********

A Gentile man calls his elderly mother. He asks, “Mom, how are you feeling? Do you need anything?”

She says, “I feel fine and I don’t need anything. Thanks for calling.”

**********

A Gentile woman meets an old Gentile friend. The friend asks, “How is your son getting along?”

The Gentile woman says, “He’s just fine. He just turned 35.”

“And where does he live?” asks the friend.

“He lives at home with me. I don’t think he’ll ever get married.”

The friend says, “How nice.”

Posted in Ministry of Humor | Leave a comment