The Ash Creek Papers

You know I think the English (and by connection, the Canadians, the Aussies & Kiwis) have the right idea. This holiday after Christmas is a good thing… Boxing Day. I mean… here it is… the biggest Holiday of the year… and what happens the day after? Another Holiday!

Now that’s how you do things. This puts off “Post Christmas Syndrome” off for at least 24 hours.

I like it.

And I think we should spread the joy to other Holidays. For example, Mardi Gras. Now we can’t have another celebration the day after… that pinches into Lent & I don’t think the Church would be particularly happy with women showing their breasts for beads on Ash Wednesday.

My idea is to do it the day before Mardi Gras… we can call it Mayhem on Monday. And the twist here, a string of beads will be exchanged for lifting up of skirts, or dropping of trou as the situations require.

Now I decided to take this idea for a “test drive” last week… loaded with beads I hit the street. I think I have to iron out my approach… I got slapped twice and an under cover cop told me to beat it…

I’m not giving up, though….

Today is “Eat the Candy and Appraise the Jewelry Day”. I have a conference call with the head of Hallmark’s R & D Department… they were receptive… we’ll kick a few concepts around.

It may be time to give up my day job!

I applaud the decision of the People’s Republic who this year have mandated a change from the traditional association of a Year with an animal, to identifying a Year with a vegetable or other form of produce.

This heralds the beginning of a new epoch… one devoted to healthier eating habits and no more hiding-the-beets-behind-the-mashed-potatoes young man!

This is Year of the Radish.

And then in succeeding years:

You are obligated to eat the Veggie of the Year everyday unless it makes you fart, or if it’s Yom Kippur.

Hurrah for the People’s Republic!

There are 61 days left before the Ides of March… don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Look… if only Julius Caesar had paid heed the course of Western Civilization would have been altered. First, he would still be here. Next, Rome would still be a huge power… sandals would be OK in the work place, no confining under garments for women would still be the order of the day, the menace of Communism would never had appeared, “double coupon” days would not be limited to Wednesdays, not only would we be on the moon — there would be a Coliseum in the Sea of Tranquility (which would have been named the “Sea of Mirth, Merriment & Slaughtering of Extraterrestrials”), baseball would be played in periods instead of innings (the losing team would immediately be put to death), and Christie Brinkley would never have been allowed to marry Billy Joel.

For all you Y2K freaks who were worried about the new millennium… that pales in comparison to the power of the Ides of March.

So… wake up folks… let’s not get caught with our pants down… life as we know it may hinge on your preparations. Now go and have a pleasant day (and be sure to look both ways when you cross the street).