Well it certainly is nice to hear from some folks… a few of the faithful have questioned putting Hitler on the same plane as humus… and rather than give a very clever and amusing retort, let me say that the list was meant to include a variety items that relate to the flexibility of how we use the word hate. Sometimes the word has to be taken more seriously than other times… in much the same way that we use the word love…
And just to show you that I’m not stingy, I am sending along a “second edition”….
ENEMIES LIST… the sequel
Guacamole It’s funny, I actually like avocado… I have a favorite “California” sandwich: avocado, bean sprouts, crisp bacon on whole wheat. But guacamole? What a horrible looking mess… something that your body produces when you have bronchitis… or something that Linda Blair threw up in the Exorcist.
Traffic This is not news to anyone who has ever driven with me. It’s not just the red lights… it’s the stop and go on the highway, or the long line at an uncooperative intersection. My road rage is confined to using colourful language in the car, and giving the appearance of “simmering”.
Books I had to read for High School English There wasn’t one single book I enjoyed reading at Hamden Hall. Moby Dick, A Tale of Two Cities, Silas Marner, The Scarlet Letter… I hated them all! I am still trying to burn them from my memory. I didn’t even like the Cliff’s Notes. Once I left Union, I started to read with an all consuming passion… one time I actually thought I was going to go back and read the “classics” that I so roundly despised as a High Schooler… but that thought passed like a bad fever.
Bad weather on a Sunday For so many of my “adult” years I have had to work on Saturday’s. It placed a higher level of importance for the weather to be “right” on the half of the weekend that I was at liberty. And “right” had to fit to the seasons… sunny and warm with puffy clouds and blue sky in the summer for the beach; crisp tinge in the air & dry for kicking in the leaves and picking pumpkins in the fall; snow beating against the windowpanes & accumulating by the ton in the winter; a fresh warmth and sun of a spring day. Anything less than the above is a disappointment.
Waiters & Waitresses who tell me their nameI mean do I sit down and tell them, “Hiya my name is Jim and I will be your patron tonight”
Roadrunner I love cartoons… the old ones, that is. Sorry Zack, I can’t get into the Japanese graphics or the primitive style of South Park. Give me Warner Bros. & Looney Tunes. But do me a big favour… kill the Roadrunner. After one episode it ceased to be funny. And it’s not like I loved the Coyote… it simply became too repetitive. Speedy Gonzales is a close second in the hateable category.
White Zinfandel You had to know this was coming. This is worse than asking for a ‘Pink Squirrel’ at a bar. True Zinfandel happens to be a heady red wine. White Zinfandel is an aberration… even in the Bible it is referred to as an “abomination” and deemed slightly worse than sodomy.
Soft mattresses I like firm, firm, firm. And a good carpeted floor in my book is pretty darn good. Soft is good for couches, shoulders and ice cream.