Courtesy of Lynn

I hate to admit it… but I am finding some of these “old people” jokes that my sister keeps forwarding to me to be pretty good.  I’d like to think that the ones I laugh at are purely funny, rather than I am getting to that age.  The joke included herein has a good punch line twist.  Maybe I find this joke so funny because there is a TV commercial that is currently running featuring an elderly couple that I find absolutely hysterical… it’s to the point where if I’m out of the room when it airs, Sandy calls out to me…. “Jim, come in here quick!! The Swiffer commercial is on!”

It actually gets worse… at random times I have been known to get a sheepish grin on my face, and have to stifle a giggle.  The other day, waiting at a red light, Sandy glanced at me and said, “You are either peeing in your pants, or you thinking of that commercial!”

I nod, “Would you be disappointed if I wasn’t thinking of the Swiffer ad?”

At no additional expense to you, in addition to Lynn’s joke, I am including the YouTube link to “Morty! Are You Listening?”

 

***

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.  The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, “Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.’ 

The other man said, “What is the name of the restaurant?” 

The first man thought and thought and finally, exasperated said, “Cripes! What’s the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know… the one that’s red and has all those thorns?” 

“Do you mean a rose?”

“Yes, that’s the one!” And then he turned towards the kitchen and shouted, “Rose! What’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?” 

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xw9Bp2AszNw

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Red State Casserole w/Marley Bush Vine Blend

Perfect for Sunday supper, great to enjoy at the ski lodge or on any snowy day…

I am almost embarrassed by how easy this dish is to prepare.  Almost.  I could lead you down the path, recounting how I soaked the navy beans over night and slow cooked the beans for hours in a treasured “Boston Bean Pot.”  The venison sausage?  Sourced from the Merritt Parkway a mile past exit 42.  The Chili?  From a sacred recipe handed down thru the generations in my family… first made on the back of a Conestoga wagon when Old Jed Fleischner traveled from Ellis Island to New Haven.

I could tell you all that… but it just ain’t so.

The venison/pork sausage I ordered online from the Cajun Grocer in Louisiana (I get turduckens from this outfit, too)… the can of Bush’s Grillin’ Beans (Black Bean Fiesta), made in Tennessee, but available in just about any super market (by the by… if there was a Nobel Prize for food… Bush’s Grillin’ Beans would win).  Hormel Chili is from Austin, Minnesota not Texas, it works in this recipe.  Remember… KISS… “keep it simple stupid”.  Lastly, sliced Vermont White Cheddar from Sargento, a Wisconsin based Company.  Other than the sausage, everything is easily found in your local market, whether you live in a “RedState” or not.

I have made this dish three times.  Each time a bit different… changing types of sausages and würsts based on mood, or what’s in the fridge.  Please note… that if my pantry drops below 6 cans of Bush’s Beans our home goes into DEFCON-4 alert.  My favorite remains the Black Bean Fiesta recipe; but the others would be fine.

And wine for this “hodge podge” dish?  A cockamamie “field blend” wine from California.  It’s a perfect juicy style of red that complements this dish to a “t”.

I never tire of these types of “field blend” wines.  And what’s more, it appears that talented winemakers love the challenge of bringing together disparate varietals into a harmonious blend. These wines share an “attitude” of fun… a unique blend of grape varietals that changes vintage to vintage based on success in the vineyard.  In this case the source for this wine is a single un-irrigated vineyard with vines that range in age from 40 – 70 years. Made from a “hodge-podge”of grape varietals from gnarly-looking bush vines that naturally produce tiny yields. The resulting Marley Bush Vine Blend is a succulent red… a blend of Syrah, Zinfandel & Dolcetto, the right amount of time on in oak to balance out the fruit and it drinks like a dream. This is the kind of wine that flows, you open one bottle and before you know it you will be opening another.  It’s that type of wine!

Marley The Bush Vine Blend ’09 (Green Valley, CA)

Rich and lush, superb black berry on the bouquet, toasty oak, Asian spices and kirsch. The wine has a great nose. Raspberry, blackberry and chocolate notes emerge on the palate and lead to a long, fruit-filled finish. Enjoyable now, this hedonistic opulent red will continue to provide pleasure through 2018. The style of this wine will make it a great “house red”… perfect for Fall and Winter entertaining.

red state casserole

Red State Casserole

6 ounces of Tanqueray Gin

½ ounce of Noilly Pratt Dry Vermouth

A goodly amount of ice

1 lb venison/pork sausage cut into ½” slices

½ lb other würsts cut into ½” slices

1 21oz can Bush’s Grillin’ Beans Black Bean Fiesta recipe

1 15oz can Hormel Chili

1 pkg Sargento sliced Vermont White Cheddar

1. Put gin and vermouth into a glass pitcher, fill with ice, stir vigorously while incanting, “You who know all, thank you for providing us juniper and all the other obscure ingredients responsible for creating this sacred liquid!” Strain into a pre-frozen Martini glass of admirable size.  Skewer the olives on one of those tacky cocktail swords, place in glass. Immediately begin consuming.  Now you can begin the food prep, and the cooking!

2. Preheat oven to 400°F

3. Heat sausages and würsts in a skillet, flipping occasionally 3-5 minutes. Put beans into pot over medium heat.  When sausage/würst is cooked, drain and add to the pot with the beans. Mix thoroughly, and cook for another minute or so.

4. Put beans and sausage mix into a casserole.  Spread the chili over the mixture, making a separate layer.  Layer the cheddar slices over the mixture.  Use the entire package to create a thick “blanket” over the mixture.

5. Put into the oven for 10 minutes.  Then switch oven to broil.  Broil the casserole ‘til the cheese topping turns a deep golden color.

6. Dig in

n.b.  There can’t be an easier dish to modify than this one.  Don’t fret about the “sausages”.  Andouille, chorizo, bratwurst, hot dogs & just about “anything”.  It’s a function of what you have on hand and how spicy you want the end result. I like a mix of textures and tastes. Hormel also makes a spicy Chili.  It would work, too.  Smokier taste?  Bush’s does a “mesquite” recipe that would be great.  Also… I added no additional seasonings… but I can imagine that chili powder, red pepper flakes, or hot paprika would add extra dimension of “heat” if that’s a preference.

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Duck Breast w/Wild Mushrooms & Asparagus and 2010 Vine Hill Estate Pinot Noir

 This recipe is from Charlie Parker… an accomplished California Chef and avid sportsman… or maybe he is an avid chef and an accomplished sportsman?  Regardless.  Suffice it to say that he fishes or hunts (and grows) for much of what he puts on the table.  Can you see me in a duck blind wearing one of those silly hats?  Or foraging in the woods of Litchfield County for non-poisonous and non-hallucinogenic mushrooms? I did my hunting and provisioning at LaBonne’s, Woodbury’s consummate market.

For wine it’s a Santa Cruz Pinot Noir.  As a wine producing zone, Santa Cruz Mountains is gaining fame for producing some great “Burgundy fruit”: Chardonnay and Pinot Noir. The mountains offer favorable climate and soil conditions… and Vine Hill’s vineyard site dates back to the 19thCentury.  Of course a good Côte de Nuits Burgundy would do the trick, as would a top flight Alsatian Riesling.  Or if you are in the mood for Italy, I would choose a Nebbiolo based red from the Piedmont.

Vine Hill Estate Pinot Noir ’10 (Santa Cruz Mountains, CA) 
Gold San Francisco Chronicle Wine Competition
This Pinot Noir shows bright aromas of raspberries, mandarin orange peel & earthy brambles. Silky tannins and luscious flavors of nutmeg and ginger are accented by dark cocoa and vanilla and interact superbly with the wines natural acidity. This is a wine you will love right away but it will improve developing complexity and length with time in the cellar. The wine is everything lovers of Pinots will appreciate.

DUCK BREAST W/WILD MUSHROOMS & ASPARAGUS


Ingredients
6 ounces of Tanqueray Gin
½ ounce of Noilly Pratt Dry Vermouth
A goodly amount of ice
3 olives stuffed with blue cheese
4 duck breasts, boneless, skin on
8 small new potatoes, halved
10 spears of asparagus, trimmed, cut into 1” segments
6 oz mixed wild mushrooms
½ cup chopped red onion
1 large clove of garlic, sliced
1 tsp fresh thyme leaves
Freshly ground pepper
Coarse salt

 Directions
1. Put gin and vermouth into a glass pitcher, fill with ice, stir vigorously while incanting, “You who know all, thank you for providing us juniper and all the other obscure ingredients responsible for creating this sacred liquid!” Strain into a pre-frozen Martini glass of admirable size.  Skewer the olives on one of those tacky cocktail swords, place in glass. Immediately begin consuming.  Now you can begin the food prep, and the cooking!

2. Preheat oven to 350°F

3. Score the skin of the duck in a crosshatch pattern to release the maximum amount of fat.  Season each breast with salt and plenty of freshly ground black pepper (much will fall off in the cooking process).  Heat a 10” cast iron skillet over medium heat until hot but hot, not smoking.  Add the duck breasts, skin side down, and cook until the skin is well browned and crisp, about 10 minutes.  Baste the meat side of the breast with some of the released fat a few times during the process.

4. Transfer the duck from the pan to a plate and set aside.  Add the potatoes, cut side down, to the hot fat and transfer the pan to the preheated oven.  Roast until the potatoes are just tender, about 15 minutes.  Keep the oven at 350°F

5. Return pan to the stovetop over medium heat and stir in the remaining ingredients, re-seasoning with salt and pepper.  Sauté until mushrooms begin to color and all the ingredients are hot, about 3 to 5 minutes.

6. Return the duck breasts, skin side up, to the pan and pour in any juices left on the plate.  Place the skillet in the preheated oven to roast all the ingredients together for 10 minutes.  Remove the pan from the oven and let sit for a few minutes to allow the duck breasts to rest before serving.

n.b. Scrounging in LaBonne’s wasn’t as successful as planned.  Although I have seen a blended selection of fresh mushrooms before, I had to substitute whole “baby” portabellas for the wild mushrooms in this recipe. No one quacked.  Also, it took longer to get the spuds to “fork tender”, and I attribute that to the size of the potatoes.  Other than that… this has to be the easiest to prepare best recipe I have found to date.

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THREE FACES OF HELL

I knew that he loved the sun, and even with his eyes closed his face seemed to enjoy the spray of sun that filtered thru the blinds of his room.  If his hospital bed were closer to the window he would have seen the sun picking at the chop of the inner harbor.  I looked for signs of recognition; but saw none.

We have been together for going on fifteen years.  When he first mentioned that sleep is his enemy I just passed it off as an exaggeration.  Sadly, there was more truth than fiction to his assertion.  I was there during those many nights.  I know. I was there when his face would contort and shout “No!  No, please no!” in a nightmare that had captured him.  His body would jerk, again “No, no!”

I would wake him slowly, “It’s alright”, I would say… “You’re safe, you’re here. There is no reason to be afraid.  I am here.”

It would be easy to imagine a two headed saliva dripping monster as the source for his out cry.  But that’s not the way it was. 

“No, where is it, where is it!”… he shouted.

We would talk in the morning… and over green tea he would weave the story.

“This has happened to me before. It’s a re-occurring theme. It’s an academic nightmare.  I haven’t been in a classroom for forty years.  And I’m late for class.  I’m not even sure where the classroom is, not even sure what building to go to. I start to feel panic, the rise of nausea rising in my gut.  There is more.  I have skipped class all semester, done none of the reading… I can’t even remember the gender of the instructor. I’m thinking, ‘well, I have age on my side, I am older than any of the other students by miles, and I just know more.  I will get by.’  But no, I can’t bluff not picking up a book for the entire semester. Who am I kidding?  The anxiety builds without let up.  I take my seat in the class.”

“That’s it? That’s the ending?” I ask. He would explain to me that it wasn’t so much a story with a beginning, middle and an end… rather it was just a scene.  And although it didn’t sound like much, the worry terrified him.

Then there was a night that his cry-out brought me from a sound sleep.  I quickly turned on the light and he was sitting upright, and kept repeating “He was there, he was there… I know he was there!”

His story couldn’t wait for the morning.

“I walked up the stairs to my childhood home.  It was a center hall colonial.  There were four bedrooms around the center hall on the second floor. My bedroom was the first off the stairs on the right and my parents’ bedroom was diagonally across on the left.  I opened the door to my room, and there was my Dad sleeping in the bed closest to the door. I jumped back.  Startled by the surprise.  The room felt like a sauna.  I felt every ounce of strength drain from me.  It’s the way that you would feel if you had been racked for a week with fever… I was weak all over and tried to stand.  I slumped to the hall floor just outside the door, unable to move.  My Dad was there, and I was unable to move.”

I knew that his Dad had passed years, and years ago.  And if there had been conflict in their relationship I can’t say.  But his expression spoke volumes, unnerved in disappointment, tears trickled down his cheeks, worry and anxiety in his eyes as he slowly shook his head from side to side.

The mind is an incredible thing.  Hear a loud sound when sleeping.  A peal of thunder?  A car door slamming?  And your mind will instantly create a dream around it.

One night I kept reading my book after he had turned off the light on his nightstand.  It wasn’t long when he drifted into sleep.  Before turning off my light, the car alarm next door was set off; I glanced to my left, his face seized up and he shouted as loud as I ever heard “NO!”  He awoke with a start, as if forcing the vision to stop.  He took a few deep breaths, looked at me and I said, “I have just seen the face of Hell.”

He went on to say, “Everyone thinks its horned devils with pitchforks.  Actually, it’s far more mundane… and far worse.”

And now I sit in his hospital room.  I watch him breathe.  I hold his hand.  I pray.  I pray not to see a face gripped in fear. I pray his last vision is of a warm beach, a soft curve of sand sloping to a gleaming blue sea… hearing the voices of those he loves carried in the breeze.

— From the Pen of Hester Bloom

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