Note on the Fridge

Calpurnia:

I’m off to Pompey’s Theatre and then to the Senate.  Much to do before I take the army to crush the Parthian Empire.  Meantime, before I leave I have to bring the Senators to heel.  And before I crack the whip, I need something festive to distract them.

I have sent invitations to Longinus, Brutus, Casca, Cimber and a few other Senators to a casual soirée at our place tonight.  Be a dear & organize the evening for me.

The menu –

For starters… ten dozen oysters, a wheel of Jarlsberg cheese, a couple boxes of saltines and maybe a hundred or so “pigs in the blanket.”

Then on to… three saddles of venison, twelve guinea fowl, twenty quail, a brace of pheasant (make that five braces of pheasant and a coach), enough partridge eggs to fill a bath, four wild boar, one tame boar (you don’t want to know), a crashing boor (that’s a joke), a dozen joints of mutton, three kid goats bathed in milk, the things that look like small lobsters – crayfish! We need two hundred.  Make that three hundred – Brutus loves crayfish!  Twenty oxtails for braising (Calpurnia, tell the butcher that I want the rest of the oxen cut up for our freezer into whole filets, medallions, bone-in rib eyes, shoulder roasts, briskets, flanks, top rounds, porterhouse, New York strip, London broil, skirt and ground top sirloin.  And save the belly skins – send the hides to my sandal maker.  I want ten pair above the calf, fifteen pair to the ankle, two pairs of flip-flops & a brief case.  If there is anything left make yourself some pocket books).  Oh – don’t forget the sauce for the crayfish – not too spicy! (it gives me gas)… Maybe some parker house rolls?  You decide.  And then two veggies and a starch.  If you can’t find a starch ground rhino horn will do.  Biscotti and espresso for dessert.

Seven cases of La Tâche Vintage 60 BCE… if you can’t find that, 58 BCE will do (but I won’t be happy).

For entertainment –

We will need twenty courtesans of the first rank (use the “Wink and I’m There” Agency), fifteen prostitutes from “Dockside Paradise and Bait House”, the Roman Legion 100 Lute Orchestra, that comic that we saw when we went to the mountains for our vacation (I forget his name) and the Punch and Judy Puppet Troop.

That should do it!

Oh – I almost forgot!  Take my Imperial toga to the cleaners and tell those idiots that they better get the wine and vomit stains out of it this time or they will be food for the lions!

Thanks!

xoxoxo Julius

p.s. And don’t forget! No calamari! Ever!! They give me a rash, and besides they look and taste like rubber bands!

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Turks & Caicos Pork Chops w/Mango-Mint Salsa

Maybe I’m just fed up with the winter.  Or maybe I’m thinking that a year ago I was walking my youngest daughter down the aisle in Turks & Caicos, enjoying the turquoise Caribbean Sea and the amazing fresh, spicy and citrus spiked cuisine.  The recipe included here is from Cooking Light.  The prep called for cooking the pork chops in a skillet, I decided to dig my Weber out of the snow and cook the chops on the grill… more in keeping with the great dishes served in Turks. My mint patch is under a thick blanket of snow, so I had to use the fresh spice display of Stop & Shop.

Rosé in the winter?  Well… yes! We have seen the popularity or Rosé during the warm weather months take-off; but truth be told the wine is enjoyed year ‘round.  Check out the famous ski resorts of Europe… the après-ski festivities by the log fire or in the hot tub, bottles of refreshing chilled Rosés flow like water!  And with the spicy pork chops on the menu tonight, Marley Rosé is the perfect call.

Marley Rose

Marley Rosé ’12 (Green Valley, CA)

This stunning Rosé is 100% Syrah from Solano County’s Green Valley. Its soft salmon color is inspired by the golden pale Rosés of France’s Provence region. Made in the classic saignée method to retain the freshness of flavor. This pleasingly dry wine exhibits lush flavors of orange peel, soft and supple on the palate and is best enjoyed chilled. From first sight to last sip this wine is a refreshing escape to Provence or Zermatt (or to the sunny Caribbean)!

T & C Pork Chops

Turks & Caicos Pork Chops w/Mango-Mint Salsa

Ingredients

6 ounces of Tanqueray Gin
½ ounce of Noilly Pratt Dry Vermouth
A goodly amount of ice
¾ teaspoon chili powder
¼ teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon ground allspice
4 boneless center-cut loin pork chops
1½ Cups finely chopped mango
2 tablespoons chopped fresh mint
½ teaspoon grated lemon zest
1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
2 teaspoons sugar
¼ teaspoon crushed red pepper

Directions

  1. Put gin and vermouth into a glass pitcher, fill with ice, stir vigorously while incanting, “You who know all, thank you for providing us juniper and all the other obscure ingredients responsible for creating this sacred liquid!” Strain into a pre-frozen Martini glass of admirable size.  Skewer the olives on one of those tacky cocktail swords, place in glass. Immediately begin consuming. Now you can begin the food prep, and the cooking!
  2. Combine first 3 ingredients in a small bowl; sprinkle evenly over pork.
  3. Heat a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Coat pan with cooking spray. Add pork; cook 4 minutes on each side or until done.
  4. Combine mango, mint, lemon rind, lemon juice, sugar, and red pepper in a medium bowl. Serve with pork.

n.b. I patted the pork chop dry, doubled the rub ingredients and put the chops in one of those freezer bags and shook the hell out of it ‘til the chops had a good coating. As noted in my intro, I put the chops on the grill. Sweet potatoes are the perfect side, a green veggie and you’re set to go!

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From the Joke Library

This has been in my inventory for many years… first told to me by my Brother-in-Law Alan.  I took it off the shelf yesterday and shared it with someone with whom I regularly trade stories.  Today he asked me for an abbreviated version of the joke.  Can you imagine asking Leo Tolstoy to take out 200 pages of War and Peace?  See my point?

But the guy is a good friend so I spent the better part of a day agonizing over what to trim.  I have a desk full of drafts, and an ashtray full of cigarette butts in front of me.  And I don’t even smoke! {I use the butts for inspiration… the great Anthony Burgess said he couldn’t write a word without a mountain of cigarette butts in front of him.} I cut this, I cut that. I changed tenses at least three time and in two places I modified the syntax… and I’m not even sure what syntax is! {When I was in the 8th Grade a classmate told me it had to do with a girl’s “moon time”, and here I thought it was a model name for a Chevy convertible}

I hesitate sending this joke to you in this condition… some of my best lines, parenthetical diversions and elaborate details have been omitted. But, as I say… he’s a friend!

*ach* What we do for our friends!

 ***

Sammie and Beckie have been married for 40 years… and lately Sammie has noticed a decline in Beckie’s enthusiasm in their lovemaking.  Distraught over not satisfying the love of his life, he turned to someone he trusted for help… his Rabbi.

The Rabbi offered him some special prayers to say before their lovemaking.  Which he dutifully did; but to no success.

He went to the Rabbi a second time and confessed that the prayers, although very special, didn’t work.  Beckie was merely going thru the motions & he was heartsick.

The Rabbi, listened carefully, then excused himself to go into the adjacent bathroom and returned with a wash cloth.

“Samuel, I am giving you this very special cloth to which I have blessed using a unique prayer used by Solomon the Great.  I want you to seek out a verile young male in our community and invite him to Sabbath dinner.  After dinner have the young man join you and Rebecca in your bedroom.  You say the prayer I have already given you, and while you are making love to your bride, let the young man wave this sacred cloth over you.  Rebecca will weep tears of joy!”

Sammie did as told.  Still no success.

Too embarrassed to go back to the Rabbi, Sammie looked at the young man and said, “You!  Stay where you are! Don’t go anywhere! We’re going to do this one more time… but this time we’re switching positions! Give me that cloth!”

And with this, Sammie hops out bed, and grabs the towel from the young man.  The young man assumes the position in the bed and soon Beckie is overcome, crooning and groaning and delight, “Oy, oy…. Yes!  Yes!!  Yeessss… 000h, so true!”

Sammie glares in amazement, “You see!  YOU SEE!!  THIS IS HOW YOU WAVE A TOWEL!!”

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Osso Bucco and Burgundy

This is a favorite dish of mine.  And it’s “showpiece” for great wine. The recipe itself I took from Food Network’s Giada DeLaurentis. It is simple to follow and is textbook example of a great dish not needing to be overly elaborate or complicated to prepare.

With regard to the wine selection… it always good to pair a regional food dish with wines that would be “local”, or at least from the same country.  But more fun is going outside region and country to wines that still pair admirably. Or in this case, maybe it’s just because I love Burgundy, both red and white, that I look for reasons to open bottles! And Osso Bucco provides an opportunity to open up either full flavored whites, or elegant reds.  For me, Burgundy was an easy call, and I opened a bottle of each. Nebbiolo based reds like Barbaresco or Barolo would also be great, as would be a balanced Pinot Noir. Alternative whites… Vernaccia or Viognier.

Burgs for osso bucco

Domaine Marius Delarche Pernand-Vergelesses Rouge ’11 (Côte de Beaune, Burgundy)

Winemaking at Domaine Marius Delarche is now in the hands of Étienne Delarche (son of Marius), who is recognized as one of the young “Turks” of Burgundy.  He is taking the great wines of the Domaine to even loftier heights of quality. The Domaine is centered in Aloxe-Corton, with holdings in Grand Cru, 1er Cru & Villages, in Aloxe-Corton and adjacent Pernand-Vergelesses. This is extremely pretty Pinot Noir that wakes up the taste buds in the most delightful way. This is a great value, medium bodied with awesome fresh alive clean fruit and insane length on this wine for its price point. Packed with minerals, chocolate, white flowers and a good measure of sappy and pure Pinot fruit. What especially impressed us was its bottomless juicy core—lots of concentration but not weight, which makes it a serious pleasure to drink. The effortless balance of stony notes and spices is a nod to the family’s impressive vineyard terroir.

Domaine Paul Pillot Chassagne-Montrachet 1er Cru la Grande Montagne ’10 (Côte de Beaune, Burgundy)

The wines of Domaine Paul Pillot are recognized as some of the finest in White Burgundy today.  The Domaine is 13ha divided among several climats in Chassagne-Montrachet, Saint-Aubin and Santenay. Pillot is one of just five producers in 1er Cru la Grande Montagne, the others being Domaine Bachelet-Ramonet, Domaine Fontaine-Gagnard, Domaine Lamy-Pillot and Olivier Leflaive. Total production levels are among the smallest in all of Chassagne-Montrachet. The vineyard of la Grand Montagne is right at the top of the Chassagne appellation. This is admirably elegant and pure with a lovely nose of cool white flower, white peach and pear, all of which are liberally sprinkled with wet stone nuances. There is good punch and superb delineation to the racy, linear and impressively complex flavors that culminate in a racy, linear and attractively stylish finish. Good juice here that will round out with time.

Osso Bucco

osso bucco

Ingredients

6 ounces of Tanqueray Gin
½ ounce of Noilly Pratt Dry Vermouth
A goodly amount of ice
1 sprig fresh rosemary
1 sprig fresh thyme
1 dry bay leaf
2 whole cloves of garlic
Cheesecloth
Kitchen twine, for bouquet garni and tying the veal shanks
3 whole veal shanks (about 1 pound per shank), trimmed
Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper
All purpose flour, for dredging
½ cup vegetable oil
1 small onion, diced into ½” cubes
1 small carrot, diced into ½” cubes
1 stalk celery, diced into ½” cubes
1 tablespoon tomato paste
1 cup dry white wine
3 cups chicken stock
3 tablespoons fresh flat-leaf Italian parsley, chopped
1 tablespoon lemon zest

Directions

  1. Put gin and vermouth into a glass pitcher, fill with ice, stir vigorously while incanting, “You who know all, thank you for providing us juniper and all the other obscure ingredients responsible for creating this sacred liquid!” Strain into a pre-frozen Martini glass of admirable size.  Skewer the olives on one of those tacky cocktail swords, place in glass. Immediately begin consuming.  Now you can begin the food prep, and the cooking!
  2. Place the rosemary, thyme, bay leaf and garlic into cheesecloth, and secure with twine. This will be your bouquet garni.
  3. For the veal shanks, pat dry with paper towels to remove any excess moisture. Veal shanks will brown better when they are dry. Secure the meat to the bone with the kitchen twine. Season each shank with salt and freshly ground pepper. Dredge the shanks in flour, shaking off excess.
  4. In a large Dutch Oven pot, heat vegetable oil until smoking. Add tied veal shanks to the hot pan and brown all sides, about 3 minutes per side. Remove browned shanks and reserve.
  5. In the same pot, add the onion, carrot and celery. Season with salt at this point to help draw out the moisture from the vegetables. Sauté until soft and translucent, about 8 minutes. Add the tomato paste and mix well. Return browned shanks to the pan and add the white wine and reduce liquid by half, about 5 minutes. Add the bouquet garni and 2 cups of the chicken stock and bring to a boil. Reduce heat to low, cover pan and simmer for about 1½ hours or until the meat is falling off the bone. Check every 15 minutes, turning shanks and adding more chicken stock as necessary. The level of cooking liquid should always be about ¾ the way up the shank.

  6. Carefully remove the cooked shanks from the pot and place in decorative serving platter. Cut off the kitchen twine and discard. Remove and discard bouquet garni from the pot. Pour all the juices and sauce from the pot over the shanks. Garnish with chopped parsley and lemon zest.

n.b. You can use red wine and beef broth instead of white wine and chicken broth. I doubled the veggies.

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