The Ash Creek Papers

True.  Nothing makes a man feel better than wearing a uniform!  Few know of my military background. My Father’s Grandfather served nobly with Chinese Gordon at Khartoum (he was his tailor).  For skill and bravery under fire (he had to had to retrieve the General’s jodhpurs from the Mahdist insurgents), he was awarded the Victoria Cross and made Knight of the British Empire.  His later honors include: Order of Bath, Order of the Garter & the Royal Order of Lox.  With a long history in the service of arms, it is understandable that my Father was upset that I did not gain an appointment to West Point.  But I did attend the Smedge College of Military Knowledge.  After graduating with a degree (with Honors) in Obscure Mixology, I was posted to Ft. Jackson, SC for my active service.  I was the lead bartender at the Officer’s Club, where I quickly distinguished myself by producing what is still considered the finest Singapore Sling ever made.  Although my pay grade was Sergeant, I saw steady advancement thru the ranks and retired from the Army with the brevetted rank of Field Marshal.  My uniform design was a cross between the uniform worn by Harpo Marx in Duck Soup and the uniform worn by the legendary Raymond, Doorman of the Waldorf Astoria.