The Four Dwarfs and Passover

I couldn’t wait to get into bed on the nights after my Mom had changed the linen.  Nothing is better than fresh sheets.  I cherished it as much as the nights that my Dad would brush my hair after my night time bath.  If my Mom pulled bathing chores, she would have a business-like approach to the brushing of my hair.  My Dad?  He would take his time, slowly brushing my hair with a gentleness and care…perhaps unsure what a girl would think was important.  He would blow dry small portions, always checking the dryness.

When he was satisfied that my hair was well dry, I’d rush to my room, put on a fresh nightgown and dive in.  I couldn’t wait to enter those cold clean sheets. And that is what it was like.  Just like diving into a pool on an early June day.  Something that tingled and made your body come alive.

I would bury myself in.  Kicking my feet.  I am sure that it would look like I was treading water.  No.  I was merely trying to create warmth in the nether reaches of my nest.  I would stretch my nightgown down, twisting and turning… scratching and pawing at the sheets willing that they surrender their comfort.

Settled, I would reach for a book to occupy me ‘til Dad would come in.  I would look at something that would in no way interfere with what we would “read” together.

It would always be the same.  I would hear a knock…

“Are you ready for me, Bird?” he would ask.

And I would giggle, kick my feet in the covers and scrunch up with my pillow, “yes, I’m ready.”

Dad would come in, four or five books under arm, “Well… let’s see.  What would you like to hear tonight?”

I would kick my feet, not sure whether I had knocked all the cold from the bed, and bring the covers up to my nose… and I would giggle, “I don’t know… you choose!”  And I would giggle and kick my feet again… my hair is beautiful, I’m wearing my favorite nightgown with lavender flowers, Mom has made a fresh bed.

“Well, then… let’s see here.”  And he would search thru his books on hand, “I think a good story for tonight might be The Four Dwarfs and Passover.”

I would bicycle my feet, re-position my nightgown, re-draw my covers up to my nose… and then inch them down so I could say, “I thought there were seven dwarfs.

“Well Bird… you are just going to have to listen to the story.”

I loved my Dad’s voice.  It was soothing. It was reassuring.  It was warm and safe.  As warm as my blankets, as safe as a castle keep.  And to hear his words was enveloping… something that secured me.  I would be lulled, like music to a savage beast.   Oh, sure… I spent my day at school or in play running about… and I guess I could have fallen asleep no matter how you slice the pie. 

There are actors who have that “talent”… the ability to project strength and compassion thru their voice alone – Morgan Freeman comes to mind… But for me, hearing Dad’s voice was like a sedative… it put me to ease.  I could listen to my Dad giving a weather report.  And for sure at the end of a busy day of study and play I welcomed that sound as any that I have heard.

Oh, to listen to his voice.

I would cycle my legs once or twice, turn on to my right side and bring the covers to my chin.

Dad would turn off the main light in my room.  Sit at the base of my bed, with only the lamp from my desk for light.  He would open to a page.

Never mind that the four dwarfs turned into the Hiryu, the Soryu, the Kaga and the Akagi… the four aircraft carriers that we sunk at the Battle of Midway.

Never mind that he never really read from the book.

And never mind that The Fat Cheese and the French Fry turned into the Battle of Agincourt, or that The Feast of Alice turned into the Congress of Vienna, or that The Tower of Jell-O and Pirate King turned into the defeat of Chinese Gordon at Khartoum and that The Day the Honey Bear Lost His Pants became the Japanese Battle Fleet crossing the Russian Fleet’s “T” at Tushima Strait.

My Dad would simply open a book and begin with a description of the pitching sea, the sky and the smell of the sea breeze… and I would be taken for a journey on his soothing voice… to places I could only dream about.

He could take the wind beating against the window pane in my room to describe the sound of the arrow flight the English long-bowmen sent into the ranks of the terrified French soldiers of King Charles VI.

He would always find a way to include me in his story.  I would be seated next to Prince Metternich as we had dinner with Talleyrand, Wellington and Nesselrode as we tried to bring order to war ravaged Europe.  “You would have been dressed in your finest,” he would have said to me, and I would have been carried off to my dreams on thoughts of thick tables, and chandeliered rooms with grand paintings & tapestries.

When my eyes became heavy I would just hear the melody of his words & phrases… and I would be taken to my day’s rest and tucked in for the night.  Dad would close his book, kiss me on the forehead and say, “Dream of an exciting world, Bird… it lays before your feet.”

He would turn off my desk lamp… and he would be gone.

It is Spring now and I am preparing to take my 11th Grade Modern European History Class to the Pacific.  Even though it’s a lecture I have given year after year, I still like to review my notes.  Six months after the Japanese sank our Battleship Fleet at Pearl, a numerically inferior American Task Force met and decisively defeated the Japanese Carrier Fleet at Midway.  It was a Battle of critical importance, maybe the most important of the War.  It stopped the Japanese in their tracks and permitted Roosevelt to pursue his policy of Germany first.

I glance at the title of my lecture and smile…  Four Dwarfs and Passover.

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From the Complaint Desk of Philo Kvetch

Thanks for nothing Milton Bradley (or whoever you are)!!!  OK, here’s a quiz question — What doesn’t belong: St. Charles, Pacific, Baltic and Wacker Drive. Or here’s another — what doesn’t belong: Ventnor, Oriental, Rodeo Drive and Illinois.

If you score less than 100% it can only mean that you have never played Monopoly.  And if you have never played Monopoly then it can only mean that you are not an American or maybe you are a sweet potato disguised as a human.

Don’t get me wrong… I have nothing against the game of Monopoly.  I have truly enjoyed the game.  I had my favorite properties: the Railroads and the Orange Block — St. James, Tennessee & New York.  The latter represented great value, affordable buying price and great return on quickly developed housing.

I enjoyed playing the game as a kid, when I was in college, after college and then with my kids.  It’s that type of game… you can play it, and play it, and play it.  Young or old… wasn’t that a selling point?  Scrabble was a good game, too… but was dependent on evolving vocabulary skills.

I loved Monopoly’s “house rules”… whether you put money as a reward for landing on Free Parking, or if you picked up and extra “C” note for landing on Go, was it permissible to hide your money, were player to player loans allowed… the essentials of the game remained the same; but there were little quirky differences depending on whose home you played in… it was all good.

But lets face it… it was a game built on acquisition, greed and sending your opposition into the poor house.  Great American values!!

Then why should we be surprised when the Company that produced the game (or the Company that acquired the Company that produced the game, etc., etc.) should exhibit a similar degree of greed, avarice and exploitation?

No longer do we only feature the addresses of Atlantic City, NJ… we now have a “Chicago” version and a “Los Angeles” version.  And because the abstract of game is so simple, we can have a “Star Wars” version, or a “Shakespeare” Version… or a “Muncie, Indiana” version forGodsakes!!

And then if that was not enough… we can make a game box fashioned from the cedars of Lebanon, cast game pieces from recycled minie ball lead recovered from the Antietam Battlefield, laminate the deed cards in gilt, use handcrafted ivory dice made by the Queen’s Own Gamemaster… and then charge $1000 for the game.

So… we take a good game… we devalue it by coming up with mock versions to satisfy the gift giving need of folks from any city with a population over 50,000.  And because we have rendered the most significant board game of the 20th Century to “Egg McMuffin” status, we have to artificially create a “special edition” version by making its least important ingredients, important.

Is it really a more special game because the deed for Marvin Gardens is gilt edged?

I don’t think so.

But then again, who am I?

Just a simple citizen who likes to hide his $500 bills under the board.

Posted in The Ash Creek Bourbon & Conversation Corner | Leave a comment

From Caesar’s Diary

Ides of March

Dear Diary:

I don’t feel like going to the Senate today.  I think I am going to get a haircut instead.  Besides… it’s always the same guys… Cassius, Brutus and that new guy Russell Crowe.  Big deal.  A bunch of losers.  Hey!  I’m the Emperor… I can do what I want!  Fuck the Republic and the Senate, too.  I don’t need them!  Hah!  I’ll send their sorry asses to the Russian Front!  That’s what I can do.  No wine and no women for them… they can go freeze their kishkes off outside the gates of Moskva.  Yeah!  That will put an end to their whispers!  They think I don’t know what’s going on!  I’m Emperor… I know what’s going on!  Telling lies about me… making up stories.  Twenty below zero (and we’re talking farenheit baby) and no underwear will put a stop to that.  Oh, I can’t wait… the hell with a haircut, I am going to march right up to the Senate and put on my best shit-eating grin, “Brutus!  Pack your bags! You have just won an expense paid trip to Siberia!  See you in 25 years, pal!”  Being Emperor ain’t so bad…

Yeah, the Senate… what a bunch of shit heads!

Posted in Ministry of Humor | Leave a comment

National Symbols

Wild TurkeyWho gets to decide this stuff? Was there a “blue ribbon” panel formed to come up with the lion for England? Sometimes opinion is divided. Two examples come to mind. Our Revolutionary “forefathers” settled on the Bald Eagle for our young Nation. But Ben Franklin argued that the Hohenzollerns, the Hapsburgs, the Romanoffs and the Grand Duchy of Fenwick all used the Eagle as a symbol and he cast his vote for the Wild Turkey. I concur. Brilliant recommendation, Ben.

The young Nation State of Israel faced a similar difficulty. It settled for the six pointed star: the “Star of David”. A symbol that went back to the Middle Ages. It was a hexagram of the first and final letters of King David of Ancient Israel.

But there were other voices that wanted the symbol to be the “Pearl of Esther”. Queen Esther, a Persian Jewish woman who married King Ashasuerus. She interceded on the behalf of her people to secure their safety. She is remembered as a woman of great faith and courage. Ashasuerus deeply loved her and showered her with jewels and treasures. Shown here wearing the famous “Pearls of Persia”.

Immigrants making their way thru Ellis Island would be asked to sign documents. Illiterate gentiles would make an “x” and have it witnessed. Jews, would not make an “x”, thinking that it represented the sign of a cross… rather they made a sign of the “Pearl of Esther”… a circle… The symbol was also referred to as a “kikel”… Yiddish for “circle”… and the origin for the epithet “kike”.

Ultimately it was decided that the Star of David would be easier for school children to draw than the Pearl of Esther.

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