I think I have everything in order. But you can never be too sure. Sweater. It must be cold there, maybe I should take two. Two. No more, I don’t want anyone to think that I couldn’t take the cold. Thick socks. Real important. Especially when you have to walk downstairs to get a late night snack from the fridge. Mickey Mouse t-shirts. Everyone loves Mickey. When I meet an extraterrestrial it will present a friendly image. I won’t be a threat and they won’t have to kill me!
I hope there is no cauliflower on Mars.
If they have cauliflower, I am going to pack my things and move to a different solar system. I can’t stand cauliflower… and Mom knew that! It looks like brains… but brains probably smell better!
Pepperidge Farm Raisin Bread. A must. Plain it’s fine. Or slightly toasted with Skippy peanut butter and concord grape jelly. I’ll need a jar of each. I could live for years. Orange juice. I think I have room for a big carton. Heavy, but necessary.
Why did Mom have to put that cheese sauce all over the cauliflower… it just made it worse. Orange Pepto Bismol on brains!
I don’t need books. I won’t have time to read, I’ll be too busy killing their lower life forms. Comic Books they’re OK, they won’t take up too much room… and they are light. I’ll take three.
Where’s my pillow? I can’t leave without my pillow! There it is! *whew* If I take it when I go to Grandma’s, I’m certainly taking it to Mars.
You know… Mom doesn’t like everything. Dad said that she doesn’t like gin. But no one says, if you don’t finish your gin, then no TV. This isn’t fair! Why doesn’t someone say… I’m waiting young lady… finish your gin or you’re going to your room!
Dad’s Swiss Army Knife. He won’t miss it. It has all those neat blades. I’ll need it to spread the peanut butter & jelly on the raisin bread. It will also come in handy for killing their small rodents. I can gut and eat them, or turn their skins into clothing. Rodents? No, maybe not… they probably have weird insects! Centipedes. I hate centipedes! They’re probably the size of the prehistoric Euphoberia! 3′ or more! And they have front pincers the size of lobster claws and they bite and sting. Nuts, I hate centipedes!
Maybe I’ll get lucky and there will be a colony of mid-sized dinosaurs there to keep the centipede population down. How cool would that be? Nah, that’s too much to hope for. I’ll just settle for a planet with no cauliflower.
Hiking boots and a flash light. I wonder if Martian centipedes can jump? I wish I had hip waders. Maybe I’ll take my baseball glove. It will give me some protection when the centipedes jump in the air. I’ll coat the pocket of my glove with rat poison, that way when I catch those jumping centipedes they’ll die a slow and painful death. Just like I would have if I had eaten the cauliflower covered in cheese!
Mom said that nobody died from eating cauliflower… or cauliflower in a tasty cheese sauce. Maybe Dad should put the tasty cheese sauce in her gin? Nobody die from cauliflower? Well, I’m not so sure about that. I think I’d rather take my chances battling jumping centipedes on Mars.