Three Women in Hats

Yes, I have always been attracted by the sight of a woman wearing a hat. Maybe it’s because you just don’t see it often these days. But there definitely is an allure that is created when the face is framed or in some way partially obscured by a hat. Very seductive.

But there is more to hats and hat wearing than sex appeal… hats can be fun, practical or maybe make a simple statement… but in someway they become emblematic of something else.

And my story is of three hats… each reflecting on the wearer…

My parents had traveled to Mexico for a vacation and when they returned they brought back souvenirs of their trip. I was given one of those bullfighter’s hats… Continflas wore one in Around the World in 80 Days when he found himself in a corrida in Spain. It is a small black affair decorated with sequins and a fake black pigtail attached in the back (it was the only way I could tell which was the front and which was the back of the hat).

Back then I shared a bedroom with Mommie Soph and somehow the hat made its way into our closet.

There came the time that the Jewish High Holidays rolled around. Our family was Reform; but Mommie Soph kept to her Othodoxy when it came time for Rosh Hashona & Yom Kippur. For the Holidays she would go to one of her sisters (I think this is right) so they could walk to the Orthodox Temple.

So everyone is getting dressed to go to Temple. Our family to drive to Mishkan Israel & Mommie Soph to go to her Shul. We are all preparing to leave, and here comes Mommie Soph walking down the stairs dressed in her finery… wearing my matador’s hat.

Yes that was some sight… we all laughed. Although I don’t think Mommie Soph realized the hysterical appearance it created (maybe she was miffed at the laughter?)… Mommie Soph knew one thing… it was Rosh Hashona, she was going to Services and wearing a hat was not an option, it was a requirement (as it is in any Orthodox Temple to this day)… so what was so funny? She knew what was right… and going to Services meant you wore a hat… she always wore hat when she went to Services. And maybe it was the pure innocence of it all that made the “outfit work”. Who could deny it?

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And then there is a photograph that Lynn brought to my attention of Tiny wearing a hat & standing on a chair. It is Lynn’s favorite picture of Tiny. And she calls the picture “Tiny Fetticah”. My gosh, I hadn’t heard that name in years. Lynn reminded me that Mom would call her that… yes, yes I remember now… I had thought it was some made-up name. But now I learn the story behind the name… it was a name that Tiny created for herself as a young child because she could not say Fleischner.

I look at the picture again of Tiny Fetticah… maybe four of five at the time and the poofy hat she is wearing. Yes, a wonderful hat. But not the hat I remember most. No, for me it would have to be her Greek Fisherman’s hat. I loved seeing her in it… and it seems to me that she wore one for some time.

I loved the independence of the look. Totally unexpected. This was well before the popularity of caps worn today. No, Tiny left the “fancy” hats (that she did have) in their boxes, and she donned the cap of a simple fisherman. It became a signature and a perfect frame for her wonderful smile.

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We loved the sun, no one more than Mom. Getting a tan in our family was part of being in our family. We all were good at it, too. And say what you will, we all looked good in our tans.

But no one would get as dark as Mom. This pursuit of darkness stopped short of attempts to keep the colour for the winter. Our cousin Roz Biscoe would champion the cause of the 12 month tan. Mom would get as dark as Roz in the summer, and that would be it.

Roz would in fact die of cancer, and I believe it was related to all the sun she took in. So when Mom developed some skin cancers she knew that her sun tanning days were at an end.

No, Mom could not stay in doors, particularly when she went to Captiva. How could she collect her precious shells without going to the beach. But now she would go covered.

The sight struck me… I was so accustomed to seeing her in a swim suit “soaking in the rays”… and now I see her… she is 25 yards up the shore line, wearing loose fitting slacks, a light blouse covering her arms, she is bent over, tush to the oncoming waves that lap up to the sand and deposit their treasure trove of shells. She wears a straw hat with a big brim to keep the sun from her face…

She works meticulously and quickly in ferreting out the perfect shells… each small wave bringing something new, each small wave taking something away. And like fisherman who have the knack of knowing where the fish are, Mom has the knack of knowing where the shells are… And this is Captiva, afterall… it is to shell collecting what the Gallatin River is to trout fishing.

Soon the other “regulars” meander over to where Mom is… you know, shell picker to shell picker. No, she is not territorial in that way… lotta shells out there. I can see is chatting with another colleague who is also bent over in the shell picking position.

Mom takes a break… she stands up and sees me… gives me a wave, and even in the shade of her straw hat I can see her smile…

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You just got to love women in hats…

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Advanced Joking

This joke is only available if you have previously completed the segments on “Accent Jokes”, “Jokes of the Southern Hemisphere” & the Seminar “Rubber Barf: Marvel of the 20th Century.”

Or… for those humor seekers who have not lost the collegiate spirit of dodging course requirements, you may read the enclosed only if pay a small indulgence (hey, it was good enough for the Renaissance Popes, it works for me, too).

Onward and upward… to the land of Ethnic Humor. And let me say, right away… if you can’t laugh at ethnic humor you may as well cash in your chips right now… you are probably the same type of person who thinks that someone who slips on a banana peel is not funny… further, you are probably leading a very unfulfilling life & have trouble ordering the right wine for dinner.

The important thing to remember about ethnic humor is that no group is sacred… everyone is open game. I am sure that if we try hard enough we can find many examples of folks who run counter to the stereotypes that provide the source for every ethnic joke… my point: why bother? Life is complicated as it is…

And, without further delay (because we all lead busy lives)…

 

A Pole was suffering horribly from a horrific case of constipation and went to see his Doctor. The Doctor prescribed suppositories.

A week later the Pole called the Doctor and said that he was still suffering, that the suppositories hadn’t produced the desired results.

“Have you been taking them regularly?” the Doctor asked.

“Of course I have!! What do you think I’ve been doing? Shoving them up my ass?”

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An Extra Day

I don’t remember when it happened. But one day the “powers that be” decided that there would be certain National Holidays celebrated on a Monday regardless of the calendar. Memorial Day would no longer be observed on May 30; but rather the last Monday in May.

Labor Day is always celebrated on the first Monday in September (so the authorities didn’t have to do anything with that Holiday). So we have two convenient bookends for the summer… Monday to Monday, so to speak… with the days of summer smiles and cookouts packed in between.

But it is the start and the finish to the season… the Mondays, the extra days… that fascinate me. Many folks work on Saturdays, so that a Monday off is a real treat… perhaps one of a handful of weekends over the course of a year that some can enjoy a real two day weekend… two days in a row.

What to do with an extra day?

Stay at home and chill? No. The place is too small to handle the extended family. Going to the Country Club is not an option (because we are not members of a club). Let’s take in a park. Go to one of our Public Places and share the day with family and friends. A place that offers open space to handle outdoor pursuits… a place that, for a variety of reasons, gives us more than if we remained at home.

Any number of spots in Connecticut would be perfect… it could be Calf Pasture Beach in Norwalk, Chatfield Hollow in Killingworth, or Southford Falls nestled between Southbury and Oxford.

A little bird told me to get to Southford Falls before noon on Memorial Day. And it was a good thing, the parking lot is tiny… probably appropriate for the size of the Park; but small nevertheless… Two of the available spaces are given over to a Sabrett Hotdog cart and a pick up truck with a freezer chock full of ice creams… the merchants are seated nearby in folding lounge chairs enjoying the sun. They don’t seem to be doing a lot of business. Most folks come to the park well provisioned for the day.

The Park is a small jewel… nature trails go off into the woods. The “Falls” are modest… a fraction of the size of Kent Falls in Litchfield. But no matter, the trail along the rocky site of the Falls twists in a gentle downward path, covered in shade trees with the bright sun occasionally breaking through and illuminating a rotting tree trunk or a moss covered boulder. The rush of the water racing thru the narrow defile covers most of nature’s other sounds; but the closeness of the path to the road means that a passing by motor cycle can interrupt the beauty of the moment.

We stroll amiably back towards the entrance and to the small pond and take up positions on a bench ready to survey the comings and goings of those folks ready to enjoy the sun of an extra day.

A sign on a nearby tree refers to the pond as a “trout park” and informs all anglers that the creel limit is two. On our way into the park we spotted the more serious anglers… the ones with suspendered waders, vests with more pockets than a billiard table & appropriate caps festooned with flies and such.

But by the time we had taken up our spot, the “serious” guys had well departed and now it was the turn of the fun and less serious.

I like what I see… two young boys I judge to be 7 and 13 are casting their lines with professional flicks of the wrist… their Mother also has a try & the father nearby seems to be coaching, or perhaps keeping an eye out for a more advantageous position for casting.

From a nearby bench the Grandparents proudly take in the scene, too. And soon they approach to put their two cents in. The younger boy is moved 20 yards further down the line. He has a strike; but the clever fish has made off with the bait and the boy has to return for “re-worming”. This latter task is done by his mother, who also murmurs some words of encouragement… and dad adds a ruff of the hair.

I know nothing of fishing… but a quick look around the pond shows that these boys are good… at the casting part anyway. A little girl across the way tries a cast and the line plunks 2′ from the bank… take heart little girl, that would be me, too.

But I am re-drawn to this multi-generational family. The boys begin to argue about 18″ of the bank that both consider to be the best from which to bag a trout. The matter is adjudicated by the dad and the older boy is sent 20 yards further down to the site of the original strike… meanwhile, his younger brother again casts his line far out. And re-casts, and yet again another time.

A strike! He plays the fish a bit, and then begins to bring him in. Sure enough. First of the day! And now the Grandparents hop to… a camera is retrieved from a satchel… a shot is taken… boy, squinting into the sun with a small fish displayed on his line… you would have thought he caught a marlin.

To his Grandparents he did.

Later they make their way to a picnic table that they had staked out in the shade. Lazily, they enjoy their picnic… small grill set with charcoal gets fired up, and kids in patient to get started break open the bag of chips… the table is chock full of containers bearing all the necessary components of a grand feast, I am sure.

Plenty of room to spread out… sit on folding chairs, stretch out on a blanket, run up the hillside to catch a frisbee… kick a soccer ball if you got one, soak in some sun, do a little fishing, have some lunch… just enjoy an extra day…

Home is wonderful, but with the sun in the sky, a summer day layed out before your feet, an extra day at that, there could have been no better place than Southford Falls.

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Art of the Joke: The Quickie

Here is a little known fact. Leo Tolstoy was a great story teller. Here was a great novelist who wouldn’t think of writing a book of less than 800 pages in length nor involving fewer characters than the town of Derby. But in his day, Tolstoy was known as the “charmer of the salon set.”

He perfected the short anecdote and would regale the fancy hoi polloi with amusing jokes and light hearted witticisms.

The reports in the social columns of the Moscow newspapers would be filled with things like…“and after the story, the Countess Andrushka had to flee the parlour to attend to her make-up…” or then there was this amusing tidbit, “Tolstoy then performed a perfect imitation of the Tsar when he was having gastric difficulty…”

So it should come as no surprise that, being a Russian History major and normally given over to writing things at great length… that I would still be able to master the art of the quickie, much the same way as the great Tolstoy was able to do.

Keep sending your checks in… I have my eye on a flat in South Beach and I am saving up for some acrylic light fixtures.

A young man was extolling the virtues of his beautiful fiancee. His friend exclaimed, “you can’t be serious about marrying her! For crying out loud she’s slept with every guy in Syracuse!!!”

The Bridegroom-to-be thought for bit and then muttered…”Geeze, Syracuse isn’t such a big town.”

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